


Life Only Gets Worse, And Then It Ends

by glitter_zombie, ThePerfectPeach



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Cheating, Depression, Feels, M/M, Multi, Prostitution, obsession/addiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-29 09:47:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitter_zombie/pseuds/glitter_zombie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePerfectPeach/pseuds/ThePerfectPeach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(i changed the summary because now that I know what I'm doing I can explain things better e3e)<br/>Jean and Marco's fifth anniversary is in a few months, but Marco, the only person that's ever understood and cared for Jean, can't put up with the bullshit anymore.<br/>"You need friends."<br/>Of course, Jean became friends with the one person that could make his life ten times worse than it already was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Jean Kirstein was 23 years old, and surprisingly, in a very committed relationship. Not partying and drinking and having one-night-stands every other night. He had been completely fine with this, for the first few years anyway. As time went on, his boyfriend of nearly five years now, was getting tired of him. Marco Bott was a year older, and the love of Jean's life. Though after so many years, Jean was starting to truly hate his life again. Jean was an honest guy. Girls always say 'Oh I want an honest guy!', but they don't. They really fucking don't. He found that out the hard way, through-out his entire life. No one  _really_  wanted him to be honest. 'Does this pair of pants make my butt look big?', some dumb girl would ask him, and he would be honest. Things like that just got him into more trouble. People would say that he was "sassing" his superiors, or being an asshole to people he was supposed to consider friends. They teach you when you're young that you should never lie, and Jean doesn't. He would never lie to anyone, even if it would make them feel better. When he's honest, and he's complimenting someone, they just consider him to be sarcastic. So naturally, he just became negative and pessimistic. If no one was going to appreciate his honesty, no matter if it was offensive or positive, why should he care about anyone's feelings besides his own? Yet, it all changed when he met Marco. Marco was a sweet freckled angel to Jean. Marco accepted Jean's honesty, even when it came off as rude. Someone  _finally_  accepted the poor, sad, honest brat that Jean had been his whole life. And now that person was getting sick of it. Marco started to get more and more offended as their relationship went on, and Jean didn't understand why. Jean thought, 'Oh it's just a phase. He's just in a bad mood today. He just needs someone to take his anger out on'. But with their 5th anniversary coming up, Jean knows that isn't the case. Marco didn't understand anymore. Marco was going to  _leave him_. Jean thought about that every night when he went in for a goodnight kiss, but Marco would simply turn away. Every morning when Marco didn't tell Jean to have a nice day when leaving for work. Every time Jean told a really bad joke and Marco wouldn't laugh. He was terrified. Jean had been venting his anger and sharing his problems with Marco since he was 12. That was  **eleven**  years ago. Eleven years of having Marco by his side, understanding him and making him feel better about his life. But now that was all going to end. And it would end so much sooner than Jean had even expected. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what I'm writing please forgive me. If you find any typos let me know and I will cry my eyes out and fix it instantly. I originally wanted this to be a happier story, but, I couldn't resist.  
> EDIT: Edited the tags to warn people of the minor things that are going to pop up in the story because apparently some people are picky about that. Okay carry on thank you for reading.


	2. Good Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I had a mental break down with the second chapter due to errors. I've edited it. Any "grammar errors" you find like "incorrect article usage" please excuse. I write like I talk. I don't talk like a text book. If you don't like the chapters centered let me know. After all, I'm not the one that has to read the story on this site.

Normally Jean would wake up and Marco would be up already, doing something useful. Not on mornings like this one though. Last night, the two had gotten into another argument over Jean's attitude and it ended in incredibly violent, sloppy makeup sex. That was Jean's favorite part of their arguments. It was the only time Marco ever got physically violent, to the point where Jean would wake up the next morning with bruises and bite marks. That wasn't a problem  _at all_  for Jean, he was into that sort of thing. He used to purposely start petty fights with his boyfriend just for the makeup sex. Jean only wished that he had purposely caused the fight they had recently, that it was just him trying to provoke Marco into giving him an exciting night in the bedroom. But it wasn't. Marco had started it, saying that he didn't like Jean's attitude about cleaning up after himself for once. It just escalated from there. Jean didn't care if he wasn't happy about having to clean, and since when did Marco? Why did Marco even care that Jean was complaining about it? They'd been together for years and Jean complained about tons of things, and Marco never snapped at him for it. Most people lose their train of thought when they get into heated arguments, and Jean was one of those people. He just wouldn't let it go, and kept arguing needlessly when he could have simply ended the whole thing by apologizing. However, that would be lying in Jean's book. He wasn't sorry for complaining, something he'd been doing his whole life and suddenly Marco has an issue with it? Why should he feel sorry? It's not  _his_  fault that Marco decided to start hating him. Is it?

Back to reality, Jean looked over at his boyfriend, sighing. He wished that they could stop fighting over stupid things. Their anniversary of five years was coming up, he didn't want to be on bad terms by then. No one would ever believe that Jean truly loved Marco, or the other way around. Everyone had just assumed that Marco was taking pity on him because of how 'awfully troubled' Jean was, and their feelings weren't real. Or that Jean was just using Marco for the sex. They used to joke and say that they wouldn't be together for so long if that was the case, but now it seemed like they couldn't say that anymore. If Marco actually left him, what would Jean's life become? He never really thought that they would be together forever, but this was just too soon for him. It was selfish, but it was the truth.  _Jean couldn't live without Marco,_  and that was scaring him. It was the worst thing Jean could imagine. If only he knew when Marco would leave. That might give him some comfort, or it might just worry him more. 

Jean felt like he was going to cry each time he thought of Marco leaving. He wasn't the type to just cry over nothing. In fact, the last time Jean probably cried was when he was a kid. And it wasn't over some stupid superiority complex where he thought he was better than everyone else, either. Jean just never had anything to cry about. Because he had Marco, he never felt sad enough to cry. What kind of things would he cry about when Marco left? Jean would panic when he thought this much about Marco leaving. In the past few weeks, he had changed his worries from 'if Marco leaves', to ' _when_  Marco leaves'. 

Then their alarm clocks went off. It scared Jean out of his thoughts and he almost yelped in surprise. They had 5 alarm clocks, if you counted their cell phones. Marco lifted his head so fast that Jean barely noticed. "Oh my god Jean shut them up." Marco groaned and leaned over to the night stand on his side, fumbling around with the buttons until the alarm went off. Jean was just frozen in place, unsure of what to do. He was just on the brink of tears and now he was startled like a deer in headlights. "Jean! Turn off your damn phone!" Marco put a pillow over his head to block out the noise of the remaining three alarms. Jean didn't want to make his lover angry, especially after last night. He blinked a few times, looking around for his phone. His phone's alarm was screaming. Actual screaming that was loud and terrifying and was probably the best way to wake anyone up ever while at the same time scaring the crap out of them.  

Finally, peace at last. The silence when Jean turned off the rest of the alarms was like bliss. But it was Thursday. Which meant that Marco should be getting up, making breakfast,  _showering_... He had to work today. Jean was hesitant to make Marco get up for work, but he was not going to have them argue over Jean not waking him up. If he was going to be yelled at, it better have been for a good reason. "Marco-" "I don't want to go to work today." Marco mumbled from underneath his pillow. "The last time you said that and I let you sleep you got mad at me later on. You told me that you were letting the sleep talk and-" "Stoooop." Marco whined and pressed his pillow on his head more. Jean sighed again. This was like waking up a kid for school on a Monday. "Marco it's Thursday, just get up and go to work. You're angry at me now but..." Jean stopped when he heard Marco's muffled laughter. Now he was confused. Did Marco do any drinking last night? Was he on something? 

"Jean, stop. I'm not a kid. If I want to take a day off, let me. Unlike you, I don't slack off at work, so I can take a day off without getting in trouble." Marco removed the pillow from his head, and dear lord, Jean thought he was just going to melt right there. That damn smile that Marco had. Seeing it made Jean almost forget about last night completely. "But Marco-" "But Jeaaaannnn." Marco sat up and playfully shoved Jean. It was so strange. Last night they were arguing and Marco had pretty much made every muscle in Jean's body hurt when they were in bed, but now he was just... happy. Marco leaned in for a kiss on the cheek. It was short, but it was enough to make Jean forget about how scared and sad he was about Marco leaving. 

"Hey Jean..." Marco was frowning now. Jean started to worry all over again. Did he do something wrong by not saying anything? By just sitting there like he'd never been kissed before? Snapping out of his thoughts once again, Jean nodded, trying to find something to say. But he didn't have to. Marco was always the one to say the right things. "I'm sorry, and I know you're sorry about last night too." Marco was saying what  _needed_  to be said. But that wasn't the part Jean cared about. Of course Marco was sorry, he was always sorry after they had an argument. The part Jean needed to hear was... 

"I love you, Jean." Marco gave Jean another kiss, this time on the mouth. Jean honestly thought that the  _sex_  part of the makeup sex was what he loved the most about their fights. But what he really loved was the way Marco would tell him that he still loved him afterwards. Jean needed that more than anything. Not being forgiven, not the incredibly amazing sex, but just knowing that Marco still loved him afterwards. He wanted to be able to hear it all the time, but Marco was saying it less and less. Except that's not what was in Jean's head anymore. Today, Marco still loved Jean. There wasn't a need to worry about the next day or any day after. "I love you too." Jean would be happy for the time being. Until they became distant again, and fought again, and this morning would recycle itself. That's what Jean wrongly expected, anyway. 


	3. Get Your Shit Together Marco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out that Jean's not the only one worried about their relationship.  
> 

 

Jean was either paranoid or in denial about Marco leaving him, but Marco was completely aware of their issues every second of every day. Marco didn't have the luxury of being able to convince himself that the problems in their relationship would just blow over after a few days. At least Marco had friends, people he could actually talk to and could help him feel better. There wasn't any need to convince himself that there were no issues to stay sane. He could vent his feelings to other people. Jean didn't get to have that. He was too 'abrasive' to have friends. There was no point in meeting people on the internet, either. He would just get either really annoyed or incredibly bored with them. Sometimes Marco made the mistake of introducing one of his friends or co-workers to Jean. It would end with Jean saying something offensive, or embarrassing Marco to no end. Marco was the only person that Jean had, his only friend. Marco couldn't see that, and Jean couldn't admit it out loud. It was like a vicious cycle of awkward pain.

Five days had gone by since their last fight, but the tension was already starting to build up again. Marco needed advice, and he didn't want to torture Jean with couple's therapy. Any type of therapy just pissed Jean off, so it would probably just make things worse between them. There were only a few people that Marco knew well enough that could at least try and help with the situation. How many people actually knew how to deal with a jerk in a relationship without flat-out saying 'end it'? That was the problem. It was supposedly 'common sense' to just end a relationship if there are issues rather than fixing it. It 'made sense' to leave someone that just 'caused problems'. The more people Marco talked to about it, the more confused he got. It had gotten to the point where Marco was seriously considering leaving Jean. People would say, 'You can do better', 'You deserve better', 'Don't let him control your life anymore', and all other kinds of things that made it seem like Jean was just a bad person. That Jean was just an asshole that felt like he owned Marco. It was as far from the truth as it could get, and it always offended Marco when people tried to convince him that Jean was a bad person. Jean wasn't perfect, but Marco wasn't either. After such a long time, though, it became very easy to make Marco feel like Jean wasn't worth it.

Marco needed more advice, so he got up earlier than usual for work. Jean was the early riser in the house and was already awake, surprised that Marco was willingly getting up before he had to. "Why are you up so early? It's Monday, don't you want to sleep in or something?" It was weird for Marco, or anyone really, to want to be awake on a Monday morning in the first place. But he  _needed_  advice more than he needed sleep. "I wanted to uh..." Marco was too tired to come up with a good excuse, and it was a Monday. "Work and stuff... today... I can leave early? I dunno. Good morning?" He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock. It was only five-thirty. Jean thought Marco was adorable when he was tired and confused, but he wanted Marco to sleep some more. "Come on you don't need to get up, go to sleep. You don't need to leave early, it's fine." Jean was walking on eggshells with his words. He didn't want to have another argument within a week of the last one, but he wanted Marco to be happy, and that meant sleeping. It would have been great to sleep in for another two hours, but Marco needed to go. He hated lying to Jean, considering how big of a deal honesty was to him, but it was for the best. Telling him that he wanted to go get advice on whether or not he should end their relationship would just spark another argument.

"No, I need to go." Marco shooed Jean with his hands and dug through his drawer for clothes. He wished it weren't like this. It wasn't Jean's fault that he felt the need to be so 'honest' all the time. It wasn't Jean's fault that he had a really bad temper. It wasn't Jean's fault that Marco had to lie to him constantly to avoid arguments. Marco should have tried to fix their relationship a long time ago, when he first started to get tired of Jean's cruel honesty. Of course Jean wasn't all bad, he was more than just someone with 'issues'. "Do you want some coffee, then? I don't want you to get into some horrible car accident and die over you wanting to leave work early." Jokes. Bad jokes. Jean was good for bad jokes that made Marco smile, for some odd reason. That was one thing that Marco could say in Jean's defense. "Yeah that would be great." However the images of dying in a car accident weren't good. If Marco died, well... Marco never thought of that.

By the time Jean had finished making the coffee, Marco was ready to leave. Jean rushed over with the hot cup of coffee, "Don't you leave without this coffee! I slaved over a hot coffee pot just for you." Marco shrugged, but he was glad that Jean was just joking around. Though it was always like this. They'd be happy for a while, and then one or the other would get distant, and they'd fight again. "Okay, thanks, Jean. I don't know what I'd do without you." It was the other way around, but Jean refused to tell him that. He was just too scared. "Bye, I love you-" Jean wanted to give Marco a kiss, but Marco was already gone. Distant. Again.

 

* * *

 

Back to the main issue. Marco was now only comfortable talking to one person about his failing relationship, and was lucky enough to work in the same building with him. Marco had picked up another coffee from a Starbucks on his way, since interrupting someone early on a Monday morning at work wasn't exactly the most sociable thing to do. Especially when you bug them about the same topic regularly. "Good morning!" Marco placed the cup of coffee on his co-workers very small desk. "You're here early," The blonde stopped and looked at the clock on his computer screen, then went back to typing and scrolling. Marco nodded and pulled a chair over, sitting down. "Armin I need to talk to you." Armin Arlert was, as he would put it, 'a shitty intern that isn't paid enough to sit here all day'. "Yeah of course you do. Why else would you be here on a Monday morning before eight?" If you couldn't tell, Armin really didn't like his job. Or even being there.

This wasn't going to be easy for Marco. Lately he had been venting nearly all of his issues and feelings to Armin. Which was more than just simple selfishness, because he knew very well that Armin had his own issues to deal with. Armin took a sip of the coffee that Marco gave him and sighed. "I'm working here. How important is it?" Armin worked very early on Mondays. Since it was a Monday, not many people wanted to come in that early, so he got paid well for coming in while others didn't. Of course Marco wasn't happy about bugging Armin today, but he really needed to talk to him. "It's about Jean-" "Again?!" Armin stopped working and turned in his chair, shock and disbelief all over his face. Marco came to Armin at least 7 times in the last few weeks venting his feeling about Jean. "You're the only person I can talk to about him, okay? You're the only one that's had experience with 'abrasive' people in relationships! We've already covered that. Jean and I just keep arguing more and more lately and I don't know what to do anymore!"

Armin downed some more coffee, waiting for Marco to go through his emotional venting. It was pretty much the same thing every time, but Armin knew that if Marco didn't vent to somebody then he would just get really moody. He knew Marco was done when Marco would whine and look like a kicked puppy on the side of the road. He set the coffee down, "Okay. Are you done?" He might have seemed insensitive, but it was pretty justified. Marco was being very very selfish and whiny since his relationship started to get really bad. Armin was the one on the receiving end of the left over tension most of the time. Marco nodded, wiping a tear from his eye. "Yes, I'm done..." He wanted it to be done, to be over. It was embarrassing to nearly break down in front of his close friend while they were both at work, even if there was no one else around.

"Does Jean know why you came in early?" Armin hated this part. The 'get your shit together Marco I can't believe we're doing this again' part. Marco was confused at the question. Why would that matter? Why should it change anything? "Uh... No." Marco didn't really know if Jean knew, after all he was pretty tired when he was up. Marco shrugged, "I mean I don't know, he's not really... he's not nosy enough to care. I told him that I wanted to leave work early." Maybe it was because it was a Monday, but Armin looked pretty 'un-amused' by Marco's answer. "That's your problem. You're lying to him too much."

This was not the kind of advice Marco wanted to hear. Then again, maybe he just wanted someone to tell him something simple. A simple, 'stay with Jean' or 'leave him for someone else' was what he really wanted. "What? If I told him the truth then he would have gotten upset with me and we would just argue again. I'm trying to avoid that! That's why I got up early to talk to you in person!" Marco was clearly stressed out but Armin wasn't buying it, "Oh I'm blushing! You came all the way over here just for me?" He twirled his hair around his finger for emphasis. Apparently Marco didn't think it was funny. Armin slammed his hand back down on the desk, "Wake up already! Your relationship sucks because you lie too much and Jean's too honest. I get that you don't want to hurt him with the truth but sometimes you just have to tell the truth, whether you get into a fight or not. You have to meet him half-way. You have to... tell him the truth, if you get what I'm saying."

That wasn't the answer Marco wanted to hear either, but he knew that Armin was right. "So... should I break up with him or-" " ** _NO!_**  No!  _A million times no_! What are you even thinking?! Are you insane?!" Armin was actually angry now, and looked rather offended. Marco was shocked too. Armin could be really sarcastic and rude in the morning but it took more than some Monday blues to make him snap at someone. To get angry at  _Marco_  of all people? Marco didn't want to change the subject, but something was obviously bugging Armin. "Uh, Armin? I know it's Monday, and it's early, and I'm being selfish by asking you to fix my problems, but is something wrong? Were you working last night?" Working at night made Armin a wreck if he had to be up in the morning, since he would only get a few hours of sleep and then have to work for over 12 hours again. Marco thought that he had convinced Armin to stop working at night nearly two months ago.

"Working? No. Why would you think that? Don't try and make this about me, freckles. You can't just break up with Jean. That's just wrong. You're the only person he's had since he was like a teenager, right?" Armin scoffed and rolled his eyes. Marco corrected him, "He was twelve." Of course Armin didn't see the big difference in one year. "Whatever. You don't just randomly end things. He'd probably just drop dead if you broke up with him. I mean what are you expecting? For him to just cry a bit over some Taylor Swift and eat ice cream until his teeth hurt and move on? Cry into some girly diary and then blog about it on the internet? Watch every single season of Friends and forget about it? No! Don't you care about his feelings at all? Are you really that selfish and heartless? Talk about being a complete ass-" "Whoa whoa whoa! I'm not any of that! Of course I care about him, I freaking love him more than anything! Why would you say things like that about..." Marco stopped when he noticed the look of triumph on Armin's face. What just happened? Wasn't he just angry and accusing Marco of being an asshole?

"I can't believe I had to act so whiny and annoying just to give you a wake-up call." Armin took a sip of the coffee again, but his face was still smug. Marco on the other hand, just looked really confused.  _Act?_  Did Armin really just  _pretend_  to be annoyed? "Excuse me?" Marco's confusion was really entertaining for Armin. His Monday had just been made, but he knew he had to explain or else his entire point would be lost. "We've had this conversation so many times, and you never listen. I tell you  _every_  time, 'just be honest', 'don't leave him all alone', but you don't listen. So I thought maybe if I just push your buttons enough and whine enough you'll stop for five seconds and listen to what I'm saying for once." That was true. Armin had constantly tried to explain this 'concept' to Marco every time Marco asked for help. He'd gotten tired of repeating himself in the same calm and understanding manner, that he asked Eren for a better way to word it. And was of course, told to be an ass about it instead. 

For someone that can only get a job as a 'shitty intern', Armin was a decent actor when he really had to be one. Marco wanted to be angry with Armin, but he really couldn't be. Armin was just doing it to help him, and that's what he came to him for in the first place. "You  _lied_  to me to tell me I should be honest?" It was contradicting and it should have made him angry. Armin only turned back to the computer and began working again.  _That_  should have made Marco angry too, being ignored like that. "I can't stay upset with you..." Marco sighed and buried his face in his hands. He can argue with Jean all the time over the dumbest things, but when he has a legitimately good reason to be angry at  _Armin?_  He just couldn't stay upset for long. Armin turned his head, "Am I just  _too perfect_  for you to stay angry at? Or, what, are you in love with me now?" It was a joke. Well, Marco  _hoped_  it was a joke. 

"Yeah, uh... Just how honest do you think I should be? Where's the line supposed to go?" Marco knew there were some things that he really did  _not_  want Jean to hear about. Whether that meant lying to Jean or just not saying anything about those things didn't matter, as long as Jean didn't have to worry about what had nothing to do with him. Armin's smile went away for a second, "If you're too honest you'll just hurt yourself, won't you? You can barely deal with the amount of honesty  _he_  gives you, if you're going to tell him  _every little thing_  then you might as well leave him. But that would just make you an asshole." Then he was smiling again as if he hadn't just made another contradiction and insulted his good friend. He was really weird on Monday mornings. Most people are just angry or sad but Armin's just... "You're really strange sometimes, you know that?" Marco had known Armin for a long time but it was a few months ago that they got closer, and Marco still wasn't used to how different Armin could be depending on the situation. But Armin was already back into his work, staring blankly at the screen and organizing files and redirecting emails again.

It seemed to be an obvious sign that Marco should be leaving, heading off to the break room or something until he actually needed to work. However, before he did, he thought about Armin's words again, seriously concerned. "You're  _not_  working at night? Honestly?" The reason the two had gotten to be such good friends in the last few months was because Marco saw that Armin was stressed and tired all the time and got him to stop. It was a money issue, that was why Armin worked so much. Now that Marco had gotten the good advice he needed, it was only fair that he made sure that Armin's act was  _only_  an act. That the smiles weren't the real facade. At first Marco didn't think he was going to get a response, but he did get one, as odd as it may be. "I'll start charging you money for distracting me with your nonsense. I wasn't working last night. Thanks for answering me though." It didn't make much sense, but it was something. Marco was for the most part very confused, but if Armin said he wasn't working at night then that was what mattered.

"So you're not going to thank me for the coffee? I paid for that myself, I even remembered how you take it." Marco really didn't care about the coffee.  _He_  got paid very well in comparison to Armin. He could afford the coffee. Armin scoffed, not looking away from his computer screen, "You wasted my time and made me act like a bratty teenager, of course I'm not going to thank you. Now go away and figure out how you're going to not break your boyfriend's heart."

Marco walked away, happy with how their odd conversation had gone. But he wondered why he couldn't have conversations like that with Jean. He  _used to_ , months ago, but it just started to fall apart. Did he really love Jean as much as he thought he did? Did  _Jean_  even love him as much as he thought he did? Marco wished he could just introduce Jean to Armin, but that was  _not_  going to happen. For one thing, Armin would be written down as a liar in Jean's mind. That, and Armin would probably let some secrets slip if he wasn't careful. Or if he was intoxicated. If Jean found out anything suspicious through Armin, then their relationship would really be as good as over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured that HEY I need to get Armin in the story just so that people aren't impatient. Thanks for reading let me know if I made any spelling errors as usual, I'll update in a week. If you don't like the fact I don't create a new paragraph for every time someone speaks, sorry. It hurts my eyes to write like that. Forgive me <3  
> WOW THIS CHAPTER WAS LONG  
> SORRY  
> (Yes this chapter is just filler with few important bits of info that you should still remember for later)


	4. Ignore ALL the Problems!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Marco scratch the surface of their many problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to new beta reader Emmanuel

How many ways could you end a relationship? According to Jean, all you had to do was lie. Lie, lie, and lie some more. How long had Marco been lying to him? They were over simple, small things that honestly shouldn't have made him upset. They were little white lies, like the ones your parents would tell you to make you shut up.  _That_  was an issue, sadly. Jean didn't want to be 'shut up'. If he wanted to rant, he should be able to rant. Why did Marco have to tell him some bullshit 'white lie' just to make Jean stop talking? Of course ranting would sound annoying to anyone that was cursed for having to listen to you, but why lie? Jean just wanted Marco to be honest about everything. If Marco hated listening to Jean rant, why wouldn't he just say it? Or, why didn't he just say it and give a reason why that wasn't fake? 'Oh I have a headache,'  _bullshit_  he had a headache! Jean never wanted to be blunt and call Marco out on these little white lies, but he was getting tired of it.  
  
More importantly, he didn't want Marco to leave. But he could  _feel it_. Marco would leave, it was just a matter of time. Any accusations would just speed up the process, or at least that's what Jean thought. He was very paranoid about the whole thing. Who would he have when Marco left? Who would he talk to? Who would give him kisses? Not that Marco was kissing him much recently anyway... The point still stood that if Marco left, Jean would  _not_  be able to cope. Jean didn't like to think about it much, but he was incredibly dependent on Marco. Before they met, that wasn't an issue. Jean didn't need anyone, he didn't need friends or a relationship. Honestly, he would have been okay dying alone without anyone caring. He didn't know anyone, no one cared about him, no one wanted his company. Marco saved him from emptiness, but at the same time cursed him to be a lonely person.   
  
After all, why would Jean bother to make friends after meeting Marco? Eventually, as a human being, Jean would have had to have found someone to socialize with. People couldn't just survive without having  _someone_  to talk to, not without going crazy or sinking into depression. Marco  _really fucked up_  by not getting Jean to be more social, and Armin tried his damn hardest to beat that into Marco's brain. The problem wasn't that if Marco left, Jean would have lost the love of his life or some poetic garbage like that. The real issue was that Jean couldn't socialize. He didn't know how. If Marco wanted to leave Jean, he would have to leave Jean with either the ability to socialize or leave him with friends. Neither of which did Jean have, nor did Marco have the sense to help him gain them.   
  
It was great that Marco wanted to fix their relationship, that was a good thing. What he wasn't understanding was that he needed to do so much more than that. Jean's honesty, his attitude, his entire personality, had barely changed since he met Marco. As long as Marco always stood by him, Jean didn't need to change. But Marco was mature now, and Jean obviously hadn't caught up. So yeah, it was all Marco's fault. Sure, it was fantastic that he could accept most of Jean's flaws when they were growing up, but they were adults now. The relationship wasn't what Marco had to fix.  _Jean_  was what had to be fixed. But the word 'fixed' would probably just make Jean upset. If he had a dollar for every time someone told him that he was sick in the head and needed therapy, or medicine, or 'help', he could buy a second condo. Why did he need  _fixing_? So what if he didn't act like a 'normal' person? What the hell was even normal in the first place? So  _no_ , if anyone tried to say that Jean, or his attitude, needed to be 'fixed', it was going to back-fire and hurt like a rubber band to the eye.  
  
What was Marco supposed to do, though? He  _tried_  introducing some of his own friends to Jean, and it always ended badly. Jean had absolutely no hobbies, no skills, and was in no way smart enough to get anyone to actually want to be his friend either. It had been a couple of weeks since he consulted Armin at work for advice that he was sure to keep in his head. He wanted to get more advice, but Armin made it quite clear that he was sick and tired of Marco dumping his issues onto him all the time. He didn't want to lose a friend over needing advice. However, Marco came to the conclusion that, well, Jean was pretty blunt most of the time. He liked honesty, right? Honesty was a good thing according to Jean.   
  
So, of course, Marco thought it would be a good idea to just come right out and say it. Which was a bad idea but you can't blame a guy a for trying. "Jean you... You need to get some friends." It was very out of the blue, considering that he and Jean were just sitting on the couch, flipping through T.V. channels. But Jean wasn't offended. Annoyed, maybe, but not offended. "Yeah, sure  _mom_ , I'll just head on down to the grocery store and pick up a few! Because they're just  _so fuckin easy_ to come by!" Okay, maybe a little offended.   
  
Marco sighed and tried to lean on Jean's shoulder, but was of course just pushed away. Jean was gentle, but he was clearly not in the mood for cuddling after just being nagged for not having friends. "I'm serious. I think you need someone else to keep you company besides me or the cats." Yes, they had two cats. Cats aren't even social from the start. Having cats as a substitute for friends was like salt as a substitute for sugar. Why would Jean need friends? In his mind, they would be just extra things to upset him. More stress, more paranoia and panicking and just  _no_. Jean glared, "Why? Are you saying you're tired of me? You want me to complain to someone else? You want to get me out of your hair? Is that it?" This is how it worked. Every time. After they would make up, they'd grow apart, and then something like  _this_  would happen. "No Jean that's not what I mean at all, I just want you to be able to actually talk to someone that's not  _me_. There are some things that some people aren't comfortable talking about with their, uh, 'significant others'." That was true, wasn't it? Jean  _had_  to have kept some things bottled up because they weren't appropriate to say to his boyfriend. Paranoia made sure of that.  
  
Or not. Jean was blunt, honest, and inconsiderate of whether or not things would make Marco uncomfortable. Well, normally. That's what he liked to think. "Are you trying to say that I'd  _lie_  to you about something?" Right on schedule, throwing common sense out the door and abandoning all logic and reason. Marco knew it, too. He could just see it now, them arguing for a long amount of time and maybe even annoying the neighbors. All to just tear each other apart in bed and pretend it never really happened. What a waste of energy. Marco didn't want that, not  _again_. He needed this awful cycle to stop. "Please stop, I don't want to fight again. I'm so tired of fighting with you." He placed his hand over Jean's, hoping that the other would calm down for once.   
  
"Oh so you  _are_  tired of me. Well then why don't you just leave? Huh? I'm sure there are plenty of people out there better than me, right?" Jean got up off the couch and started to pace. He began thinking of just how 'awful' he really was as a person, about how there were so many others that probably deserved Marco more than he did. He thought that he wasn't worth it anymore. Marco deserved to be happy with someone,  _anyone_  but him. Paranoia was kind of like a mental rash. Like termites eating away at Jean's nerves, and he was letting it all go, taking it out on Marco. Jean was waiting for Marco to agree, to admit that he was planning on leaving. But that's not what Marco was going to say at all. "Jean, I'd never leave you." It hit Jean like a ton of bricks, but it wasn't just going to snap him out of his paranoid state. He didn't even believe he had heard that right.  _Marco would never leave?_  What an idea. If only that were true. If only Jean could convince himself that it were true.   
  
Jean stopped pacing, stunned by what Marco had just said. "You'd never what?" He just needed to hear it again. And again, and again and again until he believed it. There was just this empty feeling in his chest that said  _'Yes he's going to leav_ e'and he couldn't shake it off so easily. Marco smiled, "I said, I'd  _never leave you_. I love you too much." It was like music to Jean's ears. They weren't fighting. Marco said that he would  _never_  leave because he  _loved_  Jean. It seemed too good to be true at first. They always fought, that's how it had been for months. Jean crossed his arms, still needing some more convincing. "You promise you won't leave me...?" Jean wanted to just cuddle with Marco and rant about how much he needed him in his life, but that wasn't going to happen. He felt like he would just cry if he tried anything as emotional and sappy as that.   
  
"Really, I promise." Marco was also incredibly relieved. Did they just break out of that awful, painful loop? Sure. Could they finally just,  _move on_? Jean returned to the couch, leaning into Marco's side.  _Yes_. Jean had to ruin the mood, however, "There's one down-side to this you know." What possible down-side could he see in this situation? Marco was baffled to say the least. It was the first night in a long time where they stopped an argument from escalating into a full-blown-yell fest. "How is there anything bad about this?" The moment he said it, the moment he realized just what Jean was going on about. Jean looked up, "Well, you know..." Yeah, Marco did know, and it was very immature.   
  
Marco sighed, rolling his eyes and pulling Jean closer, "No makeup sex." " _Sadly_." Jean thought back to when he used to literally do anything to get Marco upset just for 'makeup sex'. What a better time, being able to argue without it being serious. Marco rolled his eyes and picked up the remote to change the channel. They had just been fighting with the Food Network in the background. "I blame Giada for our fight..." Jean mumbled. That was as close to an apology as Marco was going to get. "You're blaming the T.V. for your attitude?" Marco was kidding of course, but blaming an Italian celebrity chef for your hiss fits was pretty childish. "She pronounces parmesan wrong, it's unsettling."Jean didn't care if it was childish, or immature. They weren't fighting. They could move on from their previous issue, that wall that they had hit. Things would be okay now, pass that problem behind them. And yet, onto a new one, that was probably ten times worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god is this early? I guess this is filler? I promise it's important. Except the last part.  
> I was just really hungry and I wanted to vent my anger for Giada De Laurentiis.


	5. Coffee, Just Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently people will laugh at anything at three in the morning. Who knew coffee would cause so much trouble? And Jean finally meets Armin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually found a beta-reader for this one.  
> Special thanks to Dani for giving me insight on what coffee is like. And to my new beta team.  
> Please enjoy.

 

 

  
Not fighting within a few days was no record breaker for Jean and Marco, but they hadn't grown apart at all. 'As happy as can be', supposedly. They could be happy for the time being, sure, but eventually they'd have to  _actually_  fix their problems. No relationship that's been through such a rough time can be fixed in one night. Not with sex, not with a marathon of romantic comedy movies, and not with coffee. Mixing them all together doesn't fix things  _either_. 

They had watched several movies during the night and it was carrying into the morning. Marco flipped through the movies on Netflix before yawning and looking at the clock. "It's already three a.m.? Time flies." Jean shrugged and rolled over. They had watched  _5_  too many movies. He was more of an action movie person, but he preferred romantic comedies over the strictly 'romance' genre which would bore and annoy him to death. "Jean? Jean don't go to sleep yet I want to watch one more movie!" Not  _another_ romcom. How many romcoms could one person watch in a single night without getting bored? Jean was starting to hate romantic comedies now, and Netflix for their seemingly infinite number of them. 

Jean was ignoring Marco, beginning to fall asleep. Marco shook his shoulder, "Just  _one_  more! You can pick this time. I promise this is the last one." Jean turned his head and whined quietly. Marco had said 'I promise this is the last one' two movies ago. Of course, Marco persisted, "It's only one more." It probably wouldn't be one more, but Jean wasn't going to get any sleep if he didn't agree to at least 'one' more. "You know like, you have to work tomorrow-  _today_ , and I have to work today? And our sleep schedule is pretty much ruined?" 

Marco didn't care if he had to work later. It was a Tuesday, it wasn't like anyone would miss him much. He was an advertising manager, sure, but there were three fill-ins for him. Jean worked in customer service, no one was going to miss him either. "We can just take the day off. Or be late, who cares? Come on even if you go to sleep now it won't really matter. You'd just lose your job if you went in with only a few hours of sleep anyway." Customer service means 'the customer is always right even when they're wrong unless your boss says otherwise', so it  _would_  probably be best if Jean didn't go into work when he's tired. 

Why was Jean trying to argue about wanting to go to work in the first place? Customer service sucked, he hated his job. Marco was giving him a perfectly good excuse not to go. Jean sat up and sighed. 'One more' couldn't be that bad. "Okay, fine. One more movie. Give me the remote." Jean scrolled through until he found the horror movie section. Marco shook his head, "Wait I said-" Jean put a finger over Marco's lips. "You  _said_ , that I could pick the next movie. You didn't say it had to be another  _romcom_. I'm not a seventeen year old girl, I can't watch six romantic comedies in a row and stay sane." Marco wasn't going to argue on this one. It wasn't like he was scared of horror movies, but he wanted to cuddle and talk all night and morning. Blood and guts and screaming terror wasn't exactly good for that. At least it wasn't going to make them want to cuddle and talk in a  _romantic_  way.

"Can you go make some coffee then?" If Jean wanted to be a smart ass then Marco would be snarky in return. Jean rolled his eyes but got up anyway. It was just coffee, and honestly, he would need some for himself if he was going to stay awake for 'one more' movie. Little did he know that coffee was going to ruin his day. "Thanks, love you!" Marco called after him, but Jean just swatted his hand and kept walking. Once he got down the stairs it was much colder. It was _too_  cold to be just wearing boxers around the house, and the tile floor of the kitchen was making his feet uncomfortable. It was June and they had the AC on 24/7, however they weren't usually up at unholy hours watching movies and making coffee.

Then Jean realized that the coffee maker wasn't turning on. "Are you kidding me?" He started to get frustrated and picked it up, then started to shake it violently. This resulted in the top opening and coffee grinds flying everywhere. "I hate this thing!" He tried to drop it back on the counter but it tipped over and landed on his foot, the water compartment breaking and soaking the floor. Jean kicked the coffee pot and went to look for the swiffer. There was ground coffee mixed with water all over the floor and it was a mess. Marco had no idea what happened, and thought about going to see if Jean was okay, but decided not to. If it was really bad, then Jean would tell him.

After Jean cleaned up the mess all over the kitchen, he angrily stomped up the stairs and back into the bedroom, glaring. Marco was confused, but he figured it had something to do with the loud crash and swearing Jean had been doing a few moments ago. Jean crossed his arms, "The coffee maker is broken. So there will be no coffee today. Or ever. I hate coffee. Why can't you order coffee on the phone like pizza? I hate technology. I hate swiffers. I hate gravity. I hate movies. I hate the air conditioner. I hate everything!" Jean climbed back into bed and stared at the ceiling. 

Marco forced himself not to laugh, but he was certainly smiling. From what he could gather from that little rant, Jean dropped the coffee pot on his foot and he couldn't clean up whatever mess he made with the swiffer. Also, Jean was cold and didn't want to watch another movie. Basically the truth, and Marco just thought it was cute and amusing even if Jean was upset at the moment. He scooted over and hugged Jean, after all, no one could stay mad at 'everything' forever. Jean groaned and tried to push Marco away, "Stop it, I'm upset." Marco waited for Jean to calm down, cuddling and trying to kiss him the whole time. It was only coffee, no one needed to get that upset over  _coffee_.

Eventually Jean finally calmed down, "Do you want me to go buy another coffee maker at Walmart?"Walmart is heaven for night owls. If you need it, Walmart will have it and will never ever be closed. But Marco didn't need another coffee maker right away, he just needed a cup to keep him going for another movie or two... or  _three_... "No just go to this twenty-four hour coffee shop. It's not a Starbucks but it's still good coffee." Marco rolled over and grabbed his phone, texting the address to Jean. Too bad it was an awful idea.

* * *

Jean walked into the coffee shop, and was surprised to see another person already in line. It was three forty-something in the morning after all. By their body language, whoever it was must have  _really_  needed the coffee. They were leaning on the counter and looked half-dead. Their blonde hair was all messed up, they looked terrible and Jean couldn't even see their face yet. If Jean just realized  _who it actually was_  things would probably be much more awkward. "I uh... I didn't know other people would willingly get up this early for coffee." Jean was  _attempting_  to be friendly. Marco said he 'needed friends', but this was probably the last person he wanted Jean to make friends with.

The person in line in front of him turned around, blue eyes looking like they were ready to fall out of their sockets they looked so tired lifeless. It was Armin, but he didn't know that Jean was well,  _Jean_. Armin didn't know what Jean looked like, and Jean didn't even know Armin existed. If Marco knew Armin was going to be awake at this hour he would have sent Jean to Walmart. Either way, Armin wasn't in the friendly mood. "Well  _excuse you_  but I'm not up because I want to be. Some jerk called out sick today and I have to fill in. The sun's not even up yet, and I have to get up and walk all the way over here for a damn coffee so I won't pass out at work." 

Jean was pretty taken aback. He was used to people being rude or people being upset in the morning, but what was with this guy or... girl or...? Jean didn't even know. "Why don't you just buy your own coffee maker if you're going to whine about walking all the way over here?" Jean thought he was being clever, but Armin shot him down. "Then why're you here? Where's your fancy coffee pot, huh?" Of course Jean had an excuse but he figured Armin would just ask why he didn't go and buy a new one. "It's busted. My boyfriend wanted coffee so I had to come and get some for him. I'm here because I'm a good boyfriend, not because I don't know how to tell my boss to suck it at three in the morning."

Armin was going to say something back but the cashier brought his coffee over. "Here you go... um, what's your preferred pro-noun?" Jean snorted, but refused to laugh. People got  _really_  touchy about their gender and he wasn't going to judge anyone for it. But to be fair, the cashier honestly had no idea whether or not Armin was a woman or a man. Armin  _did_  look like a girl, with the hair that was long enough that you could tie it up and it would look 'pretty' if it had been brushed at all. And his voice didn't give anything away either. All Armin did was take the coffee and drink some of it, then slammed it back on the counter with a glare Jean couldn't see. "I said  _caramel mocha_ , this isn't either of those things." The cashier rolled his eyes and took the coffee back, "Chill man... girl... whatever... it's like, really early." Now Jean couldn't see it, but Armin was pretty hurt and annoyed with this dumb, seemingly brainless employee. 

When the cashier turned around and went into the back to make a new coffee, Armin sighed and rested his head on the counter, "I just want my caffeine." Jean felt pretty sympathetic. There were some times where his own boss had forced him to take an inconvenient shift and it had ruined his day or week. "Why didn't you just tell your boss you can't work today?" Jean was prying, but like he cared. Armin lifted his head and looked at Jean like he was the dumbest person in existence. "Money? Obviously? I can't just  _not_  work,  _especially_  if my boss asks me to. And, before you offend me like that very lovely employee did, I am not a _girl_." Armin started to scratch at the counter, more impatient for his coffee now.

It was weird, but Jean kind of liked Armin.  _Dear lord,_  ifonly he  _knew_ just how much he shouldn't like Armin. The cashier came back again, "Here you go,  _sir_. Caramel mocha extra large coffee. Is it to your liking  _now_?" Once again Armin said nothing and simply took a sip of the coffee. He nodded, "Yes, but don't give me sass. I'm not the one that's so incompetent I can't pour coffee in a cup and add caramel syrup to it." He threw some money on the counter and went to sit down. The cashier groaned, "Please tell me  _your_  order is simple." Jean laughed nervously, "It's simple, but I don't think you can handle it. One black coffee, and then a french roast with two pumps of chocolate sauce, three ounces of-" "Oh god no please no  _no_... Please something simpler, this is literally my third day here." The cashier looked like he was about to break down crying.

Too bad Jean didn't care. "Uh, no. My boyfriend is waiting for this coffee. French roast, two pumps of chocolate sauce, three ounces of vanilla creamer, and one black coffee. I'd tell you to add sugar but something tells me you'd hurt yourself if you tried that." The cashier was writing it down in a panic but shooed Jean away, "Uh, okay, I'll need a while to make that." What kind of moron puts the newbie on their shift alone for their third day? Then Jean thought that their manager probably didn't think they'd get many customers at this time of night... morning. 

Apparently Jean thought that he had gotten clearance to get inside Armin's personal space bubble, because he sat right next to him. It would have been too awkward to simply ignore Jean, so Armin decided to be the one to start a conversation. "So, you don't put anything in your coffee?" There were tons of people that liked their coffee to be black, but why not talk about it? Because coffee is just  _so interesting_. Jean shook his head, "Well no, I add a little bit of sugar to it." Why would you use coffee as a conversation starter? Armin was regretting the choice to talk about coffee of all things, if he were more awake he would have made a better conversation. "Okay but, no creamer? Why do you like your coffee black?" 

Jean just said the first thing he could think of without actually  _thinking_  about it much first, "Because it's like my soul." Armin was not prepared for that and started to laugh, but he had coffee in his mouth, so it was just snorting from him trying to keep his mouth shut. But eventually his laughter won over and he opened his mouth, coffee pouring down his chin and dirtying the table. He covered his mouth with his hand but it was no use. The coffee was everywhere and his laughter was a mix between coughing, spitting out coffee, and a dying animal. The 'joke' wasn't even that funny. Jean didn't understand why Armin was even laughing until he thought about what he actually said. 

"Oh. Wait that's not what I meant." Jean felt like a dumbass. A sleep-deprived dumbass. Sure he didn't look nearly as silly as Armin did, who was only just starting to force himself to stop laughing, but he felt like a moron. However instead of letting Armin giggle like an idiot covered in coffee, Jean went to grab some napkins. When he got to the counter the cashier had one of the two coffees ready. Of course it was the simple, black coffee. Jean payed for it but made sure to grab a sugar packet and plenty of napkins. 

Armin had stopped laughing, but he was smiling a little bit. He took the napkins from Jean without asking, wiping his face off first. Jean sat back down but said nothing, just pouring the sugar into his coffee. When Armin finished cleaning the coffee off of well, everything, he continued the conversation, "So then, you add sugar to it, does that mean underneath all that immature anger you're still a sweet person?" He was obviously being sarcastic, which just made Jean more embarrassed and regret his lack of thinking. He should have just not said anything instead of blurting out whatever randomly popped into his head. "Uh... No?" Then he realized that he sounded sarcastic, but in a rude way. "Wait no, I mean I'm not an asshole. Don't compare me to a coffee, it's early and I've been up for so long and I wasn't thinking it sort of just came out of my mouth. My soul is not black, it's uh... I don't think so anyway." 

This was why Jean couldn't make friends. He would say something embarrassing. Except this time he was just embarrassing himself, and Armin was perfectly okay with that. If he knew that Jean was 'Marco's boyfriend Jean' though, he would have left without his coffee. Armin held his hand out, "You can stop freaking out now, I know. It is early and that's why I was laughing. I'm kind of out of it. I'm Armin by the way." Jean was confused at first. Did someone just willingly introduce themselves? Over a bad joke and coffee? He figured Armin really just have been out of it to want to do something as 'insane' as that. When Jean didn't react, Armin coughed a few times and held his hand out further, "This is where you introduce yourself and shake my hand." 

Jean snapped out of his thinking and went to shake Armin's hand but he knocked his coffee off the table instead. The two stared quietly at the new mess of coffee on the floor for a moment, before Jean put his hand on the table and sighed, "You know, when I was trying to get my coffee maker at home to work I ended up getting ground coffee and water all over the kitchen and I dropped it on my foot. Coffee hates me today." That was the second time that Armin laughed uncontrollably, and Jean was still really confused. Was that  _actually_ amusing? Was he making someone laugh  _other_  than Marco? 

Once again, Armin forced himself to calm down, but his face was red from laughing so hard. "Y-you need to stop making me laugh over coffee. Now, your name? Don't try and shake my hand again you might knock  _my_  coffee over." It was a joke. Jean understood that. Armin was joking. He was  _making a friendly joke_. Jean nodded, but was still lost in his own head trying to process how someone didn't brush him off as an asshole. He was thinking more about the coffee than what Armin asked, and had yet to wake himself up with his drink that was now all over the floor. But he answered anyway. "I'm coffee." Armin had been once again drinking his own coffee, and had not been prepared for Jean to slip up with his words for a  _third time._  He spit out his coffee to the side and started snorting with laughter mixed in here and there, his laughs soon turning into gasps for air.

This time Jean caught his mistake quicker, "Oh god I'm sorry. I meant I'm Jean. Uh are you okay?" Armin was losing it with his laughter, "N-no I am  _not_  okay! You keep doing that! I ca-an't breathe!" Armin's sides were hurting, that's how much he was laughing. The cashier walked over, "Excuse me, what's going on over here? And uh, sir, here's your other c-" Armin interrupted him, "Do  **not**  say that word!" He then turned his head and started breathing in and out, trying his best to calm down for the third time. Jean handed the cashier the money, knowing it was more than what the second coffee was worth but he didn't really care. 

The cashier, however, was ruining the fun. "You're both loud and you keep making a mess. Please just,  _get out_." Oddly enough, neither Jean nor Armin had a problem with this. Jean didn't even ask for another coffee. It was four a.m. when they left the coffee shop. "Huh, time really does fly." Jean muttered as he looked at his phone's clock. Armin shrugged, "It wasn't really that long, we were only in there for maybe twenty minutes. But you know, you're a really funny person." This was all surreal for Jean. He didn't make friends. Even when he tried really hard, he couldn't do it. But what did he know? This didn't make them friends, did it? No, of course not. What did friends even do?

"Huh?" Jean really didn't know how to react to this. Armin smiled, "I mean you really lightened my mood. I don't even care anymore that I have to work two shifts today." Surreal was now an understatement. This was unbelievable, but he just made a weird movement with his free hand, "Uh... okay. Cool?" Armin laughed again, but it was short and he could actually stop after a few seconds. "You're something else. I'm going to get going now, though. Thanks for the unintentional jokes. That was a great laugh. Really. It hurt but it was worth it." Armin started walking away, and Jean noticed that Armin wasn't heading towards any cars. Well, Armin did say that he  _walked_  to the coffee shop.  _Duuuuh._

"Wait! Where do you uh, work? I can drive you there if you want..." On the outside, Jean looked really confused at what he had just said. On the inside, Jean felt like ripping his skin off because he had no idea what he was doing. Armin thought about it for a moment, and figured, why not? Jean didn't look like a murderer, and if he was, all he had to do was tell more jokes and Armin would fall over and die from lack of oxygen. Not a bad way to die in Armin's book, so he turned around and walked back over, "That would be great, actually. If it's not a problem. But then of course it isn't, you're the one who offered." That was Armin's way of saying 'yes no take backs you are now my taxi'. 

Of course, Armin didn't realize it as they walked towards Jean's car, that he had seen this car  _many_  times before. He'd been in it  _several_  times before. But it was dark, and it was hard to realize that Jean's black car was also Marco's black car and that they were the same car because Jean and Marco _share a car_. But Armin would figure it out eventually. He was blonde, but not an idiot. Jean didn't even think to ask where Armin worked before offering, so he had to just hope that it wasn't too far. "So where do you work anyway?" Armin took out his phone and after scrolling through it, he showed his screen to Jean, "It's here, but my phone has GPS so-" Jean stopped him, shrugging and backing out of the parking space, "Oh no it's fine my boyfriend works there." 

That's when it started to sink into Armin's head. Jean, owned a black car, and had a boyfriend that worked in the same building as Armin... But he wasn't certain yet, not for sure. Armin put his phone back into his pocket, and started to drink his coffee. Come to think of it, didn't Jean order that second coffee for his boyfriend? Wasn't it similar to what Marco got at Starbucks? Before Armin could think too hard on the subject, Jean started another conversation, "I wish I had that coffee. I didn't get to drink it at all. I'm tired." When would they learn that coffee conversations didn't go anywhere?

Armin smiled, "Well I'm sure your boyfriend wouldn't mind if you drank some of his." Jean knew that was true, but he couldn't stomach the amount of chocolate and sugar and cream and other cavity causing crap that Marco liked in his coffee. "I don't like this overly sweet, hot mess that he calls coffee." Armin laughed and looked out the window. He was starting to feel bad. If Jean was 'Marco's boyfriend Jean', which he was, then Armin would not be able to have another conversation with him again without Marco's consent. There were  _several_  reasons why Marco didn't want Jean to meet Armin, or even mention Armin's name around Jean. 

So if  _this_  Jean was... Jean stopped Armin from overthinking the situation with an attempt to be friendly. "I kind of... don't have many friends. Honestly I haven't made any friends at all since like, eleven years ago." Oh no. Armin stared out the window, completely silent. That was it. No doubts anymore. This Jean was  _Marco's_  Jean. Oh  _god_  no. Armin wanted to just open the car door and take his chances with the asphalt. But that would probably just scare Jean to no end, and honestly,  _honestly_ , Armin did not want to possibly ruin his face or any other part of his body just because he was feeling anxious. "That's uh... that's pretty sad." It was all Armin could force himself to say. 

Jean felt like he had crossed the line of weird, and the rest of the ride, though pretty short, was silent. When they reached the parking lot, Armin unlocked his door and unbuckled immediately, "I'll just get out here. Thanks for the ride. Bye." Armin practically ran away he was gone so fast. Jean marked this down as another failure. He felt like he fucked things up by mentioning that he had no friends and hadn't made any in over a decade. Of course that was weird, it made him seem like an unlikable creep. "Good job, you didn't even get their last name or their phone number first." He scolded himself, hitting his head on the steering wheel.

* * *

He thought that returning to Marco, giving him his coffee, and watching movies would make things better. But when he got back to their condo and went to the bedroom, Marco was dead asleep. Jean was pissed off. He went through all of that just so that Marco could be asleep when he got back? Jean was done, he opened the coffee cup and dumped it onto Marco's head. Luckily, because of Jean's detour, the coffee was warm, but not hot. Marco woke up instantly and looked around, "What the  _hell_  was that?!" Jean threw the coffee cup at Marco's face. It didn't really hurt, but Marco was incredibly confused.

" _Fuck you!_  I don't need friends, I can't have friends! People just  _don't_  fuckin' like me! So screw you and your stupid coffee! It's all your fault that I can't seem to get  _one_  person to like me! I can't get a  _single person_  to like me for more than half an hour! Go buy your own coffee! Buy a coffee maker yourself! Don't make me do it and have me have to just feel like shit by trying to 'have friends'!" Jean wished he had another cup of coffee to pour on Marco for emphasis, but he had to settle for just leaving the room and slamming the door behind him. He'd sleep on the couch, since he pretty much deserved it. 

Why was he so unlikable? If he tried, no one liked him. If he didn't try, people still didn't like him. Jean had no intention of explaining what had actually happened, but Marco didn't need to know the details to understand that something bad obviously happened in the time that he was gone getting coffee. Coffee which was now all over him and the bed. He'd have to change the sheets, blankets, and shower before he could even talk to Jean about what went wrong. And he wasn't going to know until the next time he spoke to Armin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't list addresses or street names because god damn it I am just NOT creative enough to make those kinds of things up! Where does the story take place? I don't know! D: Imagine whatever you'd like, I'm just too dense to make up names and things. I didn't list a car bran name either because I have no idea what the difference between cars are besides colors! Forgive my apathy and idiocy ;3;  
> And yeah I'm sorry if this chapter was weird it was supposed to be short and then it ended up being the longest one I've written. Me and my (veryfew) friends are the type that literally stay up all night and we basically are idiots once 3 a.m. comes around so that's what I based the conversation with Armin and Jean off of? It was also between 3 a.m. and 5 when I wrote that part so my own tired 'laugh at anything' was kicking in on its own. I'm sorry if that's not how normal people are. It's hard writing human interaction in stories when you don't do much of it yourself.


	6. This Is How It Gets Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't see the first half of this chapter coming I don't know what you were thinking when you started reading this story. (HA I'M LOOKIN AT YOU DANI)  
> No but seriously if you didn't see this coming and you're upset about it I'm sorry but it's a thing. *shrugs*
> 
> I honestly do not like this chapter. So if you don't like it, I get it. Because I'm not a fan of it either. I promise the next one won't be shit.
> 
> FUN FACT THIS CHAPTER WAS OVER 6 THOUSAND WORDS. WOW. THESE JUST GET LONGER AND LONGER.  
> Please enjoy.

 

The Friday after Jean's unfortunate visit to the twenty-four hour coffee shop, Marco decided he would need more advice. Of course Armin knew exactly what it was about when he saw who was calling him that night, but he was also very worried. Marco's words exactly had been "I need to talk to you about Jean", and that did  _not_  sound good. They agreed to meet at a Panera Bread at eight, which gave them enough time to talk but not enough to talk for too long, since it would close soon. Even though Marco was the one with the car, Armin had arrived first and was waiting patiently. He was nervous, but he didn't let it show on his face. How upset would Marco be about what happened, if he even knew already?

Marco finally arrived, thirteen minutes late, but walked straight over to the table in the far corner where Armin was and sat down. They had met here several times before, the table in the back had become their usual seat unless someone had already been sitting in it. Armin hadn't even touched the bagel he had bought, he already ate dinner and his nerves weren't helping. Marco was all smiles though, as if he hadn't been upset about anything at all. Maybe he didn't know what happened on Tuesday after all. Either way, Armin just wanted to get it over with, he had to be somewhere after this little discussion. He coughed and pushed the bagel towards Marco, "I'm not going to eat that... But what about Jean did you want to talk about?" Marco's smile disappeared and he leaned on his hand, sighing and looking down at the bagel. That bagel was not going to be eaten. 

"Well on Monday night, technically Tuesday morning, we were about to watch a movie but I wanted some coffee to stay awake for it. I guess he accidentally broke our coffee maker or something so I sent him to that twenty-four hour place that you go to on Mondays." Oh yes, here it was. And by the sound of it, Marco  _didn't_  know that Jean met Armin. It made Armin wonder what would have made Marco need to talk to Armin, then, if he didn't know the details. He nodded and picked at the bagel, dropping the crumbs onto a napkin. If he wouldn't eat the bagel then he'd distract himself with it. Marco leaned back in his chair and continued, "He was taking so long I just fell asleep, and then I woke up with coffee all over me." 

Now Armin was really interested. "Did he... dump your coffee on you?" He sounded way more excited than he should have been, but it was funny to imagine Marco soaked in coffee. Marco looked slightly offended but he didn't ask for an apology. "Yeah and then he started yelling at me. He was mad that people didn't like him or something. I know he's not great with people, I mean he just manages to piss everybody off." Armin didn't like the way Marco said that, like Jean was somehow a problem. Jean had been reasonably nice, and the only person he 'pissed off' on Tuesday was the idiot cashier that probably didn't know the difference between a latte and a cappuccino. But Armin just continued picking at the bread, "Uh huh. Go on." 

"He said it was  _my_ fault that people didn't like him and that he felt awful for trying to make friends. I just don't know what happened, he won't tell me. I asked him about it again every day, but he just said he was sorry and blamed it on the lack of sleep and I just..." Marco sighed again and rubbed his eyes. He definitely had no idea that Armin had met Jean. That was good, but on the other hand, did Jean really say that? Armin left in a hurry that morning, but it wasn't because he thought Jean was unlikable. Jean was clumsy and awkward and really funny, no matter how sarcastic he had been at first. "Uh huh. Anything else?" Armin had already picked apart half of the bagel, and flipped it over to pick off the rest of the crust. 

There wasn't much else for Marco to say, he had asked Jean about it even before he left to talk to Armin, but Jean said it was nothing. "Maybe it's just him? I love him but he's not a very social person. I know you said that's my fault, but he just messes things up when he's talking to other people. He's already lost a bunch of jobs because of that. I can't do... anything...?" Marco noticed that Armin was staring at him, his attention no longer on the poor wasted bagel. Armin pushed the bagel to the side and rested his hands on his lap. He'd already given Marco a talk on how to deal with Jean's attitude. Marco had said things like this about Jean plenty of times, and Armin believed it. It was true, but it wasn't nearly as awful as Marco had always made it seem.

Sure they had a short conversation, and it was just over coffee, and it was early and it didn't mean much. But Jean wasn't that bad. The first thing he'd said to Armin wasn't even rude.  _Armin_  was the one who was rude first. Marco leaned forward and waved his hand in front of Armin's face, "What's wrong with you? You're staring." Usually Armin didn't act this way unless he was upset or thinking. Marco worried that maybe he really needed to stop going to Armin for advice.

What was wrong? "You're unbelievable." Armin pushed Marco's hand away from him, gently, a small smile on his face. Marco tilted his head, "What?" Maybe it would be okay if Armin told Marco what happened on Tuesday. Maybe that's what they had to really talk about. "I worked an early shift on Tuesday, Marco." How specific would Armin have to be until Marco got it? Apparently more specific than that, because Marco still looked confused. "How early?" Marco didn't really know Armin's work schedule, but 'early' for him could honestly mean anything. Armin rolled his eyes, "Like, wake up at three and go get coffee before I have to walk all the way to work, early. Like,  _Monday_  early." 

If Armin had a camera, he would have taken a picture of the look of pure terror on Marco's face at that moment. Marco shook his head, " _No_... No you  _did not_..." Armin realized where this was going and he laughed to himself, "No. I didn't tell Jean about how I knew you. But I talked to him and he was really nice to me. He was friendly. He was...  _funny_ , and I don't think he was even trying. You know he didn't look like he was trying to do anything except  _not_  mess something up. Whatever 'something' was. I didn't even know it was him until he was driving me to work-" Marco interrupted him with a panicked gasp. This news was hitting him pretty hard. 

"H-he drove you... to work?" Marco was honestly freaking out over this, like his whole world was melting away. And it could have been, honestly. The things that Armin could have told Jean? He could ruin their relationship with one conversation, it was that easy. But Armin didn't want that, he wasn't nearly that cruel. "Yes, he drove me to work. He offered to. Like I said, he was friendly. If I knew what Jean looked like beforehand I would have just left the coffee shop, but  _you_  insisted on me not knowing. I'm actually kind of glad that you didn't show me what he looked like. He made my whole entire day better, and if I had left then it would have just been a long, miserable eighteen hours in a chair all day." 

Marco looked surprised to hear that Jean hadn't been a complete asshole, but Armin just looked back at the bagel, "Jean's nice, at least from what I got out of our conversation. He was sort of rude but only because I was first, I at least know that." Marco was quick to 'correct' Armin, "No, he's rude most of the time. When he's tired he just doesn't have the energy to put effort into it." Armin could not understand why Marco was trying so hard to make it seem like Jean was some kind of anti-social trouble maker.

Armin sighed and rested his hands the table, leaning forward so that he could be quiet about what he was about to say. "At least he didn't try and hit on me. Maybe he is ruder when he's more awake, but he was nice to me, okay?" Armin looked down, feeling warmth over his right hand. Marco had his hand over Armin's. It normally wouldn't make him uncomfortable, but this time it did. Armin kept his voice quiet, "No, stop it.  _This,_ " Armin pulled his hand away, "- needs to be over. You can't fix things with Jean if you're doing this behind his back." That's right, their affair had been going on for 'a while' now. It wasn't that Marco didn't love Jean, or that he was so shameless that he didn't care if he was doing things with Armin in public. If someone really had to be at blame, it was definitely Armin. But it was still getting in the way of Marco and Jean's relationship troubles.

Marco looked slightly surprised, since Armin had never told him that they needed to stop seeing each other outright. He had brought up the subject, but he never said that it 'needed to be over'. "You never had an issue with it before. What, just because you met Jean that means that you suddenly don't feel like seeing me anymore?" Marco was upset, but at the same time he was relieved. It did have to end at some point, but he'd gotten used to someone who would just listen to him and do anything he said when they were together. It was pretty nice. 

Though obviously, Armin was done with it. "I thought that it would be okay to keep it up because I thought you deserved a break. But you don't anymore. If what you said actually happened, and from how Jean acted on Tuesday... you can't cheat on him. I started this sneaking around, and I'm saying it has to stop. If he poured coffee over you just because I didn't get closer to him, what do you think he'll do when he finds out you've been sleeping around? I can't even imagine how much that would hurt him. You can't keep coming to me when you're feeling bad about yourself. If you fix things with Jean, and that means  _not_  screwing me, then you won't need me anymore than as a friend." Marco had not been 'sleeping around', but having an affair with one person was enough to make anyone upset. 

There was nothing that Marco could think to say. What was he supposed to do now? "What if... What if I don't want to stop seeing you?" There was so much that Armin had that Jean couldn't give, and he had been with Jean for so long, maybe it was time to break it off for good. Even if he fixed things with Jean, he wouldn't be able to say the same things that Armin would. However, that's not what Armin thought. He was  _appalled_  at what Marco was suggesting, standing up and slapping Marco right across the face. It certainly drew attention to their direction. 

It was one of those really loud slaps, the ones that really hurt, yet are so effortless at the same time. "How fucking selfish are you?! You know what, tell him. Tell Jean about what you've been doing for the past few months, lying about needing to stay after work late when you're really just off having sex with someone else! If you don't, I will." Armin picked up the bagel and threw it at Marco's face. Bagels actually hurt when thrown hard enough. Why was Marco constantly getting assaulted with food lately?

It was probably the most drama that Panera Bread had seen all year, and no one even moved. Armin's rant was full of anger, and Marco had just sat there in shame through the whole thing. Originally Armin was trying to be discreet about it, but now there wasn't a single person in Panera that hadn't heard him. Armin didn't like the attention, he left as quickly as possible. It was a good thing that he wasn't working the next day, or else he'd never be able to get enough sleep at night. 

There was nothing Marco could do at that point. Armin made it pretty clear that Marco would have to sort out his problems with Jean. Which meant he'd have to tell Jean about Armin, and how it wasn't Jean's fault for what happened on Tuesday. After the awkward stares from the people in Panera had gone away, Marco brushed the bagel crumbs off his face, and walked away. Someone else would have to pick up the bagel that had fallen onto the floor. 

The drive back home was stressful, Marco was trying to figure out how he was going to explain things to Jean. Marco did feel guilty about constantly lying to Jean about where he was and spending night in a hotel room with Armin. But he did love Jean. Armin was nice, but Marco certainly didn't love him. Would Jean see it that way, though? The worst part for most people when they cheat is worrying their lovers would leave them, but Marco knew that Jean wouldn't leave. Jean had no choice but to stay. 

When Marco got back home, he was quiet, he didn't know what to do. Jean walked out of the kitchen with a bloody knife in his hands, and honestly Marco could have sworn that he was going to die that night. But Jean just smiled, "I was trying to make dinner but I cut my hand on this stupid thing." Oh _._  That's right, he hadn't told Jean about anything yet, no need to fear for his life. Marco noticed the band-aids on Jean's hand and sighed with relief, thinking the cut must not have even been that bad. "Oh Jean... Jean I love you, okay?" There was no way Marco could tell Jean about the affair, not tonight. It would be too hard to explain. Jean was too...  _happy_. Marco didn't want to ruin Jean's happiness. But then maybe he shouldn't have cheated in the first place.

It was going to hurt no matter what mood Jean was in. Though for the time being, Jean was happy and he didn't know a thing, even if he was confused at Marco's words. "Uh, yeah, I love you too? What's the matter? Did you want to have sex tonight or something? You just had to ask." No, Jean didn't suspect Marco of cheating, or lying, or being a terrible boyfriend. Marco wished it could stay that way. "No I just feel like I don't say it enough." 

Jean shrugged and walked back into the kitchen, "No I just think you want to have sex tonight." Marco thought about not telling Jean about the affair, thinking Jean had too much trust in him to ever suspect him of cheating. But then he remembered what Armin said.  _'If you don't, I will.'_ It was Armin's fault that Marco cheated in the first place, why should he have to threaten to ruin it even more? But Marco didn't want to think about that now. He just wanted to be happy with Jean. "What are you making anyway?" He'd tell him, just, not immediately. Jean tossed the knife into the sink, "Well  _now_  I'm not making anything. I cut my hand, this is why I don't try and make anything. So I ordered pizza instead." 

Marco sighed as he saw the other blood soaked cutting board in the sink, and he knew that Jean probably cut himself more than once trying to make dinner. "Are you sure you're okay? I mean that's a lot of blood over everything. Did you wash your hands-" Marco was interrupted with a surprise kiss, and he was enjoying it until Jean noticed the red mark on Marco's face. "Hey, what happened here?" Jean suddenly looked worried, gently running his fingers over Marco's face. Well, crap. There were no easy lies out of this, it wasn't like he could say he 'fell' when it was obvious that someone had slapped him really hard. 

This was how the night would fall apart. Marco would at least have to tell him part of the truth, if not all of it. "Can we go sit down?" When Jean heard Marco say those words, he went pale. All of the paranoid thoughts that he had pushed away were back again. He didn't want to hear it, whatever it was. Jean was panicking again, imagining Marco breaking up with him was too painful, but he couldn't stop thinking about it now. "No it's fine. It's okay. You don't need to tell me, it doesn't matter." After that, Jean walked away, he didn't want to know what happened anymore. But Marco followed him, "Jean? Please calm down I just want you to sit down because I know you're going to be upset. I know what happened on Tuesday." 

Now Jean was more confused than worried. What did Tuesday have to do with today? "O-okay..." Jean sat down on one of the dining room chairs, Marco following suit with the one next to him. "I know you met Armin on Tuesday, when you went to get me that coffee. I don't know exactly what you talked about but if he upset you, it's my fault." Seeing as Armin and Marco worked in the same building, it shouldn't have been very hard to believe that they knew each other. "But you weren't even  _there_." Jean didn't see how Marco could say that it was  _his_  fault, it wasn't like he told Armin to dislike him right? 

Marco was finding it hard to think of the right words to explain. "I know, but I talked to him tonight. He's actually the one that slapped me, since he was angry because he wanted me to stop..." He couldn't bring himself to say it, and for once he actually wished Jean was suspicious of him doing something wrong. If Jean had just accused him of cheating, it would have been so much easier. But no, Jean was just sitting there with a confused look on his face, waiting for Marco to continue. It had been quiet for too long, so Jean broke the silence, "He doesn't seem like the violent type of person. What did you do, call him a girl?" Marco wished he could just smile and tell him that it was something that stupid, but he couldn't lie anymore. Marco hesitantly reached over and grabbed Jean's hand, sighing and looking Jean in the eyes. "He wanted me to stop cheating on you."  Once Marco had said it, he almost wished he hadn't. Jean's face was unreadable for the longest time, and the two of them just sat in silence.

They had been sitting there for what seemed like an eternity, and Marco couldn't take it anymore. "Jean, say something, please." Jean had a temper, why wasn't he even the least bit angry, or yelling at him? What was going through his head? Marco was starting to worry, he tightened his grip on Jean's hand. "Jean?" Marco would have done anything to just get a reaction, but Jean looked frozen still. He only moved when one of their two cats sat by its food bowl and started meowing. Jean blinked and got up, "I guess I forgot to feed the cats when I got home." His face was still unreadable as he went through the routine of feeding the cats. The other, smaller cat came in at the sound of the cat food hitting the plastic bowl, and the two small animals just stuffed their faces. The only noise was of their food being crushed between their teeth. 

"Jean!" Marco was the one who was upset now. What was the point of telling him what happened if Jean wasn't even going to acknowledge it? "Jean, say something already! I  _cheated on you_! Why won't you say anything to me?" Maybe Jean just hadn't heard him the first time, because now he looked horrified. Jean shook his head several times, and now and then it sounded like he was trying to say something but decided not to. He never thought, for once during their entire relationship, that Marco would cheat on him. He was paranoid about Marco leaving, and a lot of other things, but cheating was something he never thought of. 

For some reason, Marco couldn't decide whether or not this was better or worse than what he originally imagined. Was it better for Jean to be freaking out on the inside and barely saying anything at all? Sure it was better than being physically assaulted, but Jean wasn't even yelling at him. Jean, who flipped out on a coffee machine. Jean, who stubbed his toe in a museum and they had to be kicked out because he was swearing so much at the pain. Jean even had a half hour conversation with their  _cats_  once, scolding and screaming at them for scratching up the furniture in the house. But now he was just  _standing_  there. 

Marco got up, but before he could even try to do or say anything, Jean backed away, "You wouldn't... you wouldn't cheat on me. You love me. You said you loved me. You... you  _fucking liar_." Maybe the anger just needed some time to kick in. Marco decided that  _yes_ , it would be better if Jean was yelling at him. It would have been so easy if Jean was fragile. Marco could just persuade him into forgiving him if that were the case. But Jean wasn't like that, and it was oddly one of Marco's favorite things about him. 

"Jean, let me explain. Please." Marco was trying to be gentle about it anyway. Jean hated that. He  _despised_  the way Marco was acting so sweet and calm, like this wasn't absolutely terrible. Jean honestly thought that Marco was making some cruel joke when he first said that he'd been cheating. If it were just a cruel, heartless joke, then everything would be okay. "Explain how you don't love me? Explain that you  _lied_  to me? Wh-what's so great about them that I don't have?" Oh  _god_  that last question. There were so many things that Armin had that Jean didn't. Marco would be lying if he said that the affair was purely from physical attraction. 

When Jean didn't get an immediate answer he lashed out again, punching the wall and scaring the cats away. "I know I'm not perfect, Marco, but why would you cheat on me?! Am I really  _that_  awful?" Low self esteem would be an understatement. Jean liked himself to an extent, but he knew that he wasn't too great of a person. If Marco was willing to cheat on him, then, just  _how bad_  was he? Marco on the other hand was still having issues trying to figure out how to say the right things, but he took a deep breath and tried his best to stay calm. "No, it's not like that. I  _do_  love you, I just, I was upset and I needed a break. It shouldn't have happened, I know that! But please, you have to understand- Jean wait!" Jean had turned around and stormed out of the room. Marco didn't know where he was going, but he couldn't let Jean leave.

Luckily, Jean wasn't leaving the house, he was just going upstairs. Marco followed, but he made sure to keep his distance. Even if Jean wasn't normally physically violent, if he did get that way then one of them could wind up falling down the stairs and breaking their necks. "Please listen to me! I just want things to be okay again!" Once they were both up the stairs, safe in the hallway and from breaking their necks, Marco tried to grab Jean's hand. Of course, the latter refused to let that happen. "If you're so tired of me that you 'need a break', why didn't you just break up with me? Instead of going off to have sex with, with... with  _who_?! I don't even know! Was it someone you work with? An old friend from high school that you ran into? Or did you just pick up some disgusting prostitute on the street?" It didn't really matter to Jean who Marco had slept with. It wouldn't change the fact of what Marco did. 

But, a person could only stay calm for so long, and it was getting hard for Marco. If Jean would just  _shut up_  and let him explain everything. "I still love you! I love you, no one else! It was a  _mistake_ , Jean. I know you're not perfect, but neither am I! What would you do if I broke up with you, anyway? Where would you go? You don't have anyone else, your own parents kicked you out!" That was it, there went any hope of having a decent conversation. Whatever Jean was feeling, it didn't have a name in the English language. "My parents have nothing to do with this! And what? What's that supposed to mean? You're only with me because you'd feel bad if I was homeless?"

Jean really  _really_  wanted to hit Marco, to just make him stop everything he was saying and doing. Give him a black eye to compliment the thin red lines on his freckled cheek. It wasn't like Marco would hit back, either. Marco didn't even like to be verbally aggressive, but when the time calls for it, it couldn't be helped. Marco was just tired and annoyed with Jean, but not enough to want to actually break up with him. "No! I already told you that I'd never leave you,  _I love you_! Why don't you ever listen to me? I gave up so much for you! I gave up college for you!" Now Jean just rolled his eyes, and nodded, "Oh yeah, you always have to bring that up when I'm right! I didn't ask you to stop saving up for college, you're the one that decided to waste your money on moving as far away as possible to 'live a better life' with me. It's  _your fault_  that you gave up college!"

Things were starting to get off track, but Marco tried to keep it to the point. "You're so hard to deal with sometimes it's like you don't realize that you're an adult with responsibilities! If you'd just get a decent job instead of losing every one you get then maybe I wouldn't have to waste money on  _you_ and I could actually go to college! Then I'd get a job that pays enough that you wouldn't have to work a damn day in your life again!" He was  _trying_  to keep things on track, only trying.

Jean thought the whole conversation was just useless at this point, but he was too proud and upset to just give up. This wasn't about  _him_ , this was about Marco. "I've had this job for over half a year now! It's not my fault that there are no better jobs for me to take! And this isn't about me! You're the one that's in the wrong here!" Though Marco just had to disagree. "If you weren't so  _dense_  and could tell when I'm upset more then I wouldn't have cheated on you in the first place! So yes, it  _is_  about you!" "No it's not! All you had to do was  _talk_  to me! I've always loved you more than anything else, I haven't even thought about cheating on you before." The arguing back and forth was just getting more off topic as it went on. Marco wasn't thinking about how to say anything, not at this point. The words just flew out of his mouth like nothing.

"You wouldn't be able to cheat on me even if you wanted to! Sure you're attractive on the outside but you're pathetic, Jean! Do you even realize how hard it is to live with you sometimes?" What Marco was saying was just unfair. They were stupid, petty insults that he didn't even fully mean. Jean didn't know that, or rather he couldn't see that, being so furious. "Just  _shut the fuck up_!" Jean punched Marco, and the normal response would just be Marco staring at him. But today was not one of those days. Marco  _hit back_ , he had actually slapped Jean in the face. For once, it was like they had switched places. Jean brought his hand up to his face, touching it to see if the pain was actually real. He was the one that was shocked this time. 

Marco didn't seem to care much, at least not from what Jean was seeing, and simply pushed Jean to the side and went into the bedroom. Jean turned around to see what Marco was going to do, but the door slammed and he heard the small 'click' of it being locked. "You need to grow up already! Sleep on the couch tonight! You know what, you can go sleep in a  _gutter_  for all I care!" The words hurt Jean far more than the slap did. He tried to process what had just happened, standing with his neck awkwardly turned to the side, staring at his bedroom door. He was waiting for Marco to open it and come apologize, but he never did. Jean didn't hear Marco make another sound at all, in fact. He didn't hear the sound of their T.V. either. 

After a long time of standing in the hallway, Jean gave up. He'd sleep on the couch. That was fine. But just like every night in June, the downstairs was cold. It felt even colder with the empty feeling Jean had. When he turned off all the lights, it seemed even worse. It was dark, and the cats were probably hiding upstairs somewhere. He felt so alone. Did Marco really hit him? Marco never hit him before, not like that. "It's my fault though, huh?" Jean leaned his head on the wall, thinking about everything that was said during their fight. What was the point of it, in the end? Nothing good came out of it. 

Jean tried to sleep, and though their couch was decently comfortable, he couldn't stop thinking. Watching T.V. wouldn't help either. Maybe if he just talked to Marco himself, instead of waiting for it to be the other way around. He would have liked to actually have a pillow, and especially a blanket. It seemed like a good enough idea. Jean got up and slowly walked up the stairs, trying not to make too much noise. It was nearly ten, maybe Marco was already asleep. But then again he'd have to wake Marco up for the blanket and pillow anyway... 

"Hey, Marco?" Jean knocked on the door and tried to turn the knob, but it was still locked. There was no response, so Jean knocked again and spoke louder this time, "Marco it's cold downstairs, can you give me a blanket or-" " _No._ " It sounded so cold, it was awful. Jean wished that Marco hadn't said anything at all, but there was no point in staying now. He'd just deal with not being able to make things up with Marco tonight. 

So once again, Jean was laying on the couch in the dark, staring at the ceiling. There was at least a little bit of comfort, with the younger of the two cats sitting on his stomach. Jean named her 'Satan' because they had taken her in as a stray and she was very mean, and was also completely black. Because she had been so mean, Jean would yell at her a lot. Once, their incredibly religious neighbors called the cops one night when they heard 'Satan' being repeated several times in a very loud, violent manner. Jean almost smiled when he was thinking back on it. Marco  _did_  warn him that it was probably a bad idea to name a cat after something that he shouldn't be shouting all the time. Satan was certainly a better name than  _Teacup_ , the name of their older cat, but Marco refused to change the name when they received her from the shelter. 

Jean became incredibly lost in memories from when he and Marco were younger. They never used to physically hurt each other. Eleven years worth of memories and Jean couldn't remember a single one where Marco had hit him. At first thinking about the past made Jean happy, but it eventually just made him sad. In a little over a year, Marco would officially have been in Jean's life for over half of it. That would be an even better anniversary than their five year relationship status. That was in late July, just about a month away. Would they even be together long enough to celebrate it? 

He was so worried and concentrated on his memories that Jean didn't even realize that Marco was coming down the stairs. He was still staring up at the ceiling, mindlessly petting 'Satan'. It kind of annoyed Marco, he thought he was being ignored. His best solution was to take 'Satan' off of Jean's lap and put her on the floor. It worked, but it had scared Jean. Neither of them said anything, Jean thought that Marco was mad at him and came down here to, who knows? Break up with him? It wouldn't be a surprise. 

"Jean can you come upstairs? I don't want to fight again, and it's cold down here..." It wasn't an apology, and he wasn't breaking up with Jean either. At least not yet. But Jean couldn't argue, not when he was so tired and cold. Walking up the stairs with him was awkward, it was such a drastic change from how upset they had been just a couple of hours ago. Marco walked into their room and sat on the bed, but Jean stopped at the door. He didn't want Marco to break up with him, it would've been awful. "Whatever you want to talk about, just say it. I'm listening." 

Marco sighed, "Jean, stop being so stubborn and get over here. I'm not mad. Would it make you feel better if I said that I'm not breaking up with you over our fight?" Jean swallowed his pride and sat on the other side of their bed. The sooner this was over, the better. Marco held Jean's hurt hand, gently, and tried to lean in for a kiss on the cheek. But Jean just leaned further away as Marco got closer. "Talk. Don't try and make things up to me with kisses.  _Or_  sex. I don't even want to think about you and sex." At first it surprised Marco, but he understood completely. He was in no place to try anything.

"I know. I'm sorry about what I said to you, all of those insults... I'm really sorry about hitting you, too. You just weren't listening and then you punched me, I just didn't want to deal with that. I'm so sorry Jean. I really am. I'm not saying you have to forgive me right now, but I don't want this to ruin our relationship." Marco didn't like thinking about how much he'd hurt Jean in just one argument that barely lasted fifteen minutes. Just  _how bad_  was their relationship going to suffer over this?

Jean appreciated the apology, and though he thought that he had the right to be upset, he knew that throwing his fist into Marco's face was uncalled for. "Okay. I'll forgive you for hitting me. And for degrading me. I'm sorry for punching you, but I won't forgive you for cheating on me. I'm going to sleep." There were no 'I love you's exchanged between them. They both just covered up and turned in the opposite direction, refusing to touch each other or look at each other's face. Marco was sure that their relationship was going to permanently suffer for what he'd said and done. It couldn't get much worse than this, though. That was the bright side to it. It was all either of them had to hold onto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who gets the Satan and Teacup reference? Anyone? Seriously someone out there must have gotten it.
> 
> Special thanks to Dani because she helped me figure out how to make this chapter suck less than it would have been. You do not realize how much stress I was feeling when writing this shit of a chapter. I rewrote it twice and completely scrapped the original middle part of it. 
> 
> Oh and if you're confused about the layout of the condo, if you could just imagine the exact layout however you want that'd be good. I don't know about you but even when a story tries to be specific about the layout of a building I can only see things the way I feel it fits. So if I say there's a chair on the left side of the room but you think it should be on the right, then you just pretend it's on the right my friend. You are a free bird.


	7. Fuck (And Not In The Sexual Sense)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Marco thinks that Jean will forgive or understand him overnight, he's wrong. Jean meets Armin again, and, fuck, that wasn't supposed to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you whine at how late this is I will not put up with it. I have a life and the last one was early.
> 
> I have been informed that some people may be offended by the fact I named one of the cats Satan. I'm sorry to inform you that I don't care. With all the things wrong with this story, and you point out the Satan cat? No. Go away.
> 
> Thanks to my beta team.
> 
> I liked this chapter if you don't then oh well I tried! :)

 

Lots of people think that the best thing in life is money, or food, or something cheap and cheesy like love. Jean used to not find anything to be 'the best thing in life', since life was a cruel bitch and didn't do a single good thing for him. But when he met Marco, he found himself enjoying something as 'cheap' and 'cheesy' as love. It wasn't the romantic kind at first, it was just Jean loving that Marco liked him in the slightest. But Jean would probably never feel that way again about Marco.

As always, Jean woke up first, though much later than he normally would. Last night he hadn't gotten the best sleep, so in the morning he didn't get those few moments of hazy bliss that everyone enjoys so much. Instead he just waited for his head to clear, with everything from last night suddenly rushing back to him afterwards. He thought that maybe he shouldn't have agreed to sleep in the same bed with Marco. It was way too forgiving, and honestly he should have told Marco to go sleep on the couch. 

There was no point in trying to tell Marco that now, it was ten in the morning, he'd be awake soon anyway. Jean was hoping that last night had just been a very bad, vivid dream after losing too much blood while trying to make dinner. But there was a bruise underneath Marco's right eye, where Jean had punched him. It made him sick to look at it. Marco looked so peaceful in his sleep, but with the giant black and blue bruise? That just ruined it. Jean was  _not_  an abusive boyfriend, it was really rare for him to hurt Marco the way he did. And as much as Jean was confused and shocked at how Marco had hit him back for the first time, he could excuse it. One slap in response to a punch in the face was fair enough, especially since Marco had already been hit once that night beforehand.

It was Armin that had slapped him, or at least that's what Marco had said. Jean was starting to remember how the argument actually started. Armin wanted Marco to  **stop**  cheating, so did that mean Marco had slept with someone  _more than once_? How could it be a 'mistake' if it happened several times? Maybe the first time it might have been a mistake, but if Marco was constantly cheating on him then maybe Jean really wasn't worth putting up with after all. The insults that he'd heard last night were starting to get to him, even though Marco apologized. Pathetic? Dense?  _Hard to live with_? 

Was Marco only pity dating him? Sure, Marco had said over and over last night that he supposedly loved Jean, but they  _did_  get together just a while after Jean had been kicked out of his house. He was all alone and had nowhere to sleep for days, until he'd gotten the courage to just tell Marco that he was homeless. They got together pretty soon after, and two weeks before Marco was supposed to leave for college they just left. Maybe it  _was_  just pity, as insane you'd have to be to abandon your life goals and plans all out of simple pity. Of course he was hard to live with, that's why his parents kicked him out. Putting up with Jean for nearly five years really must have been terrible. 

That didn't make  _Jean_  pathetic. Marco was the one that was really the pathetic, dense jerk if he really was just pity dating Jean for nearly five years straight. "What a  _fucking moron_  you are. You could have gone to college, gotten whatever dumb job you wanted, met someone else that wasn't 'hard to live with', and lived a happy life. But nooo, you were an idiot and had to pity date your best friend and then resort to cheating just to- What? To feel better about yourself? Stupid, stupid, stupid. That's what you are, a stupid piece of crap, and you're not going to get any sympathy from  _me_." Jean wasn't exactly shouting, but he wasn't quiet either. Yet Marco was still asleep, it hadn't even made him turn over or put a pillow over his head. 

That was for the best, though. Jean got to take his anger out on Marco, and the latter wasn't awake to argue. Just venting his anger out didn't mean that Jean was going to forgive or forget, or even calm down. He was still upset about Marco's affair. Instead of waking Marco up to accuse him of anything, though, he got up and started stretching. He never changed into something more comfortable for sleeping, or took anything off last night. Some coffee would be good.

Oh.  _Coffee_. They still hadn't bought a new coffee machine, even though it had been a few days without any caffeine besides coke. It reminded Jean of Tuesday, which reminded him of Armin, which reminded him of what had started the argument last night. Jean was trying his best to get it out of his mind for a while, but no matter what he did, it reminded him of last night. He tried to wash the dishes that were covered in his own blood, but  _that_  reminded him of how his hand hurt when he punched Marco. Thinking about it now, he shouldn't have used his hand that he cut five times trying to make dinner. Then again, after cutting himself twice he should have put down the knife and given up. Marco wouldn't have really cared if Jean made dinner anyway.

Jean never wanted to do something nice for his awful example of a boyfriend ever again, and just thinking about doing something good for him made Jean feel sick and disgusted. Jean didn't care who Marco slept with or what kind of person they were, they'd done something to make Marco want to cheat and that was enough to make Jean hate them. A small part of him wanted to hate Marco too, but he just couldn't. An even  _smaller_  part of him wanted to  _not_  love Marco at all. People always used to say that Jean was the one that would be the cheater, that would sneak around behind someone's back and hurt them without them knowing. He wished he could say 'I told you so' to everyone that refused to believe that he would never do anything even close to that. 

What a way to spend a Saturday morning, brooding and petting his cats without any coffee to cheer him up. It sort of  _was_  pathetic, but it wasn't like Jean had anything else to do. There was no one to talk to and the only things he really enjoyed had something to do with spending time with Marco. And the cats could only comfort him for so long before they either left or started to annoy him. Teacup wanted food and Satan was living up to her name by using Jean's legs as a scratching post. "I'd change your name to 'Bitch' but you're not a dog." Jean muttered as he tried his best not to rip the cat's claws off. "I can't believe my only friends are you two cats and neither of you even like me that much..." He sighed and opened the fridge for the third time that morning. There was nothing to eat and he didn't want to attempt cooking again until his hand was better.  

Jean didn't 'need friends', he needed Marco to not cheat on him, and if he had Marco then he didn't need anyone else. Forgiving Marco didn't seem like it was possible. Of course it had only been a single night, but how many relationships survive this kind of thing? Jean saw some of the closest relationships you can imagine get completely obliterated and torn apart over cheating. But this was different. Marco wouldn't leave Jean and Jean had no other option than to stay. Just as Jean was about to close the fridge, empty handed once again, Marco walked into the kitchen. Neither of them said anything or even moved, saying that there was some tension in the room would be a very big understatement. 

Marco forced himself to smile, for the sake of not causing another argument. "Good morning." It only annoyed Jean to see such an obviously fake grin, what did Marco think would happen if he just tried to shrug off all of the negativity like it was nothing? Jean originally wanted to ask Marco more things about the affair, but now he was too upset to see Marco's face or hear him say anything. He walked by Marco without making any eye contact, sitting down on the living room couch. There would be nothing good on T.V. until at least noon, but watching the weather channel was better than dealing with Marco.

However he wasn't left alone for very long. Marco walked out of the kitchen a few minutes later with some toast. He sat on the other side of the couch but placed the plate in between them, "I figured you didn't make anything for breakfast so..." Marco couldn't look at Jean, too nervous to the point where he was scratching at his skin every other few seconds. Jean refused to look at Marco but shrugged anyway, hoping Marco would take the hint and leave him alone.

Of course, his hopes had been held too high before. Marco didn't stop bringing up random topics, ones that were so out of the blue that it was obvious he was trying to avoid fighting or talking about last night. It just made Jean want to argue with him even more, but he refused to give Marco the satisfaction of detailed responses. If Marco asked how Jean slept last night, the only response he would get was an 'okay'. That's how Jean responded to the majority of the questions, with something as neutral as possible. Marco did  _not_  like that at all, it was starting to seriously freak him out. The last time Jean acted like this was before they even got into high school. He was acting like he wouldn't even care if Marco dropped dead right in front of him.

"Jean, stop doing this. I can't... Please just talk to me. I hate that you're ignoring me." Marco was getting desperate for Jean to say something  _to him_  instead of just answering meaningless questions. Jean was glad that Marco hated it, and he wanted to make him hurt more by ranting about how disappointed and disgusted he felt. But he knew it would just cause them to get into another argument, and he was too tired for that. Getting some coffee into him would be really good at this point.

It would be the perfect excuse for Jean to leave the house, and let Marco suffer and wonder all alone. Marco didn't deserve to be happy, not so soon anyway. Jean was done listening to all of Marco's rambling. He got up and walked towards the front door, picking up the car keys on the side table on the way. When Marco realized what was happening he got off the couch and tried to casually stop Jean from leaving. "Wh-where are you going, Jean? You don't have to work today." His voice sounded like a mix between a whine and the sound dogs make when you yell at it. Marco really  _was_  the pathetic one.

All Jean did was look at him with the same unreadable expression he had been making the night before. He wanted to tell Marco about how pathetic he was being, and about how stupid he was to think that their relationship was going to recover at all in just one night. Jean forced his feet into his shoes and opened the door, leaving so that Marco couldn't say anything else. But Marco grabbed the handle before it closed, "Jean,  _please_!  _I'm sorry_! I want to fix things with you, okay? It was a mistake, I promise I won't do it again  _ever_. I love you so much..." He looked like he was about to just break down right in front of him, but, Jean didn't care. 

Out of all the times Jean had kicked himself over things he'd said and done to his boyfriend, and every time his heart hurt when he didn't get an 'I love you' back, he honestly didn't care this time. He knew that this wasn't even as if the tables were turned, because Jean  _wanted_  Marco to suffer. There was no way that for the past few months, that Marco had been distant because he wanted to make Jean feel bad. Marco just fucked everything up, but now he'd have to live with that. For the first time, Jean didn't want to hear Marco say 'I love you'. Jean let go of the outside doorknob and walked away, pushing away the temptation to say where he was going or if he would be back soon.

* * *

 

Jean was just at the store looking for a new coffee machine, but he didn't plan on being home any time soon. He got a few texts and calls from Marco, but he didn't answer any of them. Marco could pace around and worry and feel self pity all alone just like Jean used to. Though, there were so many different coffee machines at the store that Jean probably wouldn't be leaving soon anyway. It would give him time to think about what he would do all day, since there was no way he would return to Marco after just an hour of being gone. Lucky for him, he wouldn't need to make any plans for what he would do afterwards.

Someone else had walked into the aisle, but Jean didn't acknowledge them. After years of pissing everybody off, he just shut everybody out and could pretend they weren't really there. If someone asked him to move he probably wouldn't hear them, or he'd move without realizing it and let people around him do whatever they wanted. "Hey!" Jean wasn't listening, he was just carefully reading the details on the box of yet another coffee machine. "Helloooo? I'm talking to you." Jean still didn't say anything or even look at whoever was bothering him, instead he just moved to the side, thinking that whoever was there obviously need to see the coffee machines.

Once again, the other person in the aisle kept talking. "Are you awake in there? Hello? Jean?" At the sound of his name, Jean turned his head to see who had been bugging him for the past five minutes. Blue eyes, blonde hair, looked like a girl but  _wasn't_  a girl. "Oh, uh... Armin. What are you doing here?" For a moment, Jean wondered if Marco had sent him or some stalker-ish thing like that. "I know it's so weird, me, a human being with wants and needs, at a store,  _buying things_!" Oh, right, the sarcasm. "Why did it take you so long to say anything?" Armin looked completely different than he did on Tuesday. His hair was neat, his clothes were casual, he didn't look like he was about to drop dead, it was like he was a completely different person.

Jean didn't want to seem stupid, so he just went with whatever sounded less weird than 'I block people out and pretend they don't exist'. "I guess I didn't recognize you with your hair not looking like a frizzy mess." It was incredibly rude, but at least it wasn't creepy. Jean was afraid that he pissed Armin off, but it seemed like he'd done the complete opposite. Armin laughed and pointed at Jean's head, "You're going to make fun of me when it looks like you stuck your head in a blender? Did you even brush your hair or change your clothes today? You look like you just fell out of bed." 

There was that surreal feeling again, and it was even more confusing now that Jean knew that Armin knew Marco. But Jean just shrugged and looked back at the seemingly endless line of coffee machines, "Well you could say that. I came here for a new coffee machine." He heard a small laugh come from Armin, who was covering his mouth and looking away. Jean didn't get it, or get  _anything_  that Armin did. "What are you laughing at  _now_?" He may not have understood but he liked knowing that even though he sounded rude, Armin didn't seem to care much. 

"I literally have not been able to drink coffee since we met. Every time I even  _look_  at it I think of nearly dying because of it and your stupid jokes. Which by the way, shouldn't have been that funny." After all, Armin wasn't the nicest person in the world either, even if he was five times more positive and friendly than Jean. It was sort of intimidating, in a really weird way. Why feel even the slightest bit threatened by someone that looked so...  _not threatening_? Armin saw that Jean looked upset and had the sense to apologize, though. "Hey don't look at me like that. Sorry. I told you that I really enjoyed laughing that much, didn't I? Most people like to hear that they're amusing."

Staying upset at anything Armin said for too long wasn't an option. Armin was just too nice overall, and Jean was envious of that. Pushing away the intimidation and confusion, Jean tried to think of something nice to say. What was there to say when he didn't really know Armin except from what he knew from Tuesday and that he knew Marco and how Marco was a cheater. "I was right about your hair." Oh. Well that's not a compliment. Armin knew that too, he looked surprised and touched his hair, "What? What's wrong with my hair? What are you right about? I'm a natural blonde it's not dyed, okay?"

Confused, very confused, and incredibly confused... all perfect descriptions of how Jean felt at the moment. Jean shook his head, "I mean that I thought if you put your hair up like that it would be, I dunno, pretty or something like that? I'm not judging you or your hair- but, are you sure you're not a girl?" Jean was starting to think that Armin may not have been as good at socializing as he first assumed. But saying 'pretty or  _something like that_ ' wasn't all that great of a compliment. 

Armin laughed nervously, turned around, and leaned his head on one of the shelves of coffee. At this point, Jean thought that he'd somehow insulted Armin, which wasn't really a shock. Jean wanted to apologize but he was stunned. He really needed to start thinking before he spoke. Armin turned around again, his face red. "I am  _not_  a girl. Thanks for the compliment, it means a lot." Then Armin walked away, leaving the aisle and Jean. Did he mess up? Well so much for making friends, not that he particularly wanted to be friends with anyone Marco knew. 

Jean looked through the coffee machines again, and finally decided on one, grabbing some more coffee on his way to the registers. It was, coincidentally, where he saw Armin again. He hadn't intentionally gotten in line behind him, but he was there anyway, coffee machine box in hand. Being nosy, Jean looked at what Armin was holding, which happened to be a smaller box. Jean was no expert on feminine hygiene but he wasn't stupid, he knew what Armin was holding. "Are you  _sure_  you're not a girl, Armin?" He didn't mean to scare Armin, but it was obvious that the blonde had not been expecting to hear that. Or to have Jean be there at all.

Armin turned around and looked down at the box of pads in his hands. Jean expected Armin to get embarrassed and start blushing or laughing again. But Armin just stomped on his foot, twisting his leg so it would hurt Jean more, "I happen to be buying these for a friend of mine you judgmental moron. I'm  ** _not a female_** , in any sense of the word. Now apologize." The fact that Armin had a smile on his face as he did it confused Jean more than anything else. Was Armin joking? Was this some elaborate prank made to make him question every little thing? There was plenty of reason to feel intimidated by Armin now. 

"O-ow okay,  _okay_ , I'm sorry! I was joking, are you normally this violent?" Jean backed away a few steps, looking down to examine his foot to see if Armin had somehow dug through the material. It  _hurt_ , like stubbing your toe but it wasn't just one toe. Maybe he deserved it, maybe he didn't, but he would have been perfectly content with the ebbing pain in his foot if Armin just stopped confusing him. Armin looked genuinely upset at how hurt Jean was over his foot, and he also noticed that a few other people in the store had looked over to see what happened. "Does it hurt that bad? I'm sorry." 

What was  _with_  this person? Jean didn't understand what Armin's issue was. Why was he so... passive aggressive? It was weird and confusing and kind of creepy, but it was almost reasonable. This was what, the third time Jean had made a comment on Armin's gender? "Uh, it's fine." Jean had muttered it too quietly for Armin to hear him, not that it mattered. Armin was already paying and leaving with a bag. Weird. Armin was just  _weird_ , that's what Jean automatically thought. But thinking about it, how weird could it really be if Armin knew Marco? Maybe he just acted weird because Armin was in between the two of them.

Jean let it go, knowing that he wasn't a nice person and Armin must have been friends with Marco for a while. Why would Armin want to be friends with Jean, considering that? It didn't mean much to Jean anyway, since he was convinced that Marco was the only person he would ever need. The coffee machine was much easier to hold when it was in a bag with easy handles to hold, making it feel less heavy. He dreaded having to figure out what to do after he got into the car with it, since there was no way he was going home so soon. 

How was he supposed to assume that Armin would be waiting outside for him? "So sorry about your foot, it should be okay though, so no whining about it, okay? Do you want some gum?"  _Weird_. It was also kind of creepy, in a good way, if that's even possible. They would have to wait for the road to clear to get into the parking lot anyway, and it might have been awkward to say no. But it was rainy out, why would he want gum when it's humid, dark, and he was in the mood for coffee? Then again, it would be awkward to refuse. Armin was holding out the small package of who knows what kind of gum, with a hopeful smile on his face. 

There was no saying no at this point. Even if Armin was really weird or possibly passive aggressive, he was nice enough. Jean didn't realize that he had a small smile on his face too as he moved his hand to grab a piece. But he was clumsy and smacked it out of Armin's hand and into the road. They both looked at it, both upset to some degree. Jean's hand lowered to his side, though he was still focussed on the packet of gum in the road, "Aww..." He felt clumsy and stupid, and he couldn't exactly blame it on being tired since it was far past eleven. Armin looked over at Jean, surprised at how heartbroken Jean looked.

Yeah, Armin was disappointed, but he supposed he should have expected something like that to happen from their last encounter. Jean thought about going to grab the gum, but then a car rushed by and crushed it under its tire. " _Awww_..." Jean's voice and face fell even more, it was like Jean was watching a puppy get kicked around. Armin didn't understand, but Jean turned to him and sighed, looking defeated, "I'm  _so sorry_..." That was it. Armin was done. It was too much.  _Jean_  was too much. 

Armin shook his head, "It... it was just gum." It wasn't even a flavor Armin particularly liked that much, and Jean was acting like he'd just committed an awful crime. Though it wasn't 'just gum' anymore. Jean's reaction, and his genuine upset feelings were just...  _cute._  Jean had no idea what he'd just accidentally done to the poor blonde. The real crime was something Jean didn't notice, and Armin had no intention of letting anyone find out. It got to Armin like a few dozen stabs to the  _everything_ ,and there was no changing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been informed that there are no Walmarts outside of the U.S.A.??? How do you people survive??? Oh well. I guess that means my story takes place... somewhere in the U.S.A....?
> 
> When the two major characters and the semi-major character are all guys, you can't just say 'he him his' over and over without confusing someone, so if you're upset about how many times I use the characters' names in a sentence, think about that.


	8. You're Lucky, I Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no reason that Armin shouldn't like Jean or _want_ him. Armin would just have to settle with being friends, and that would be fine if Jean wasn't thinking about Marco most of the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Dani again, sorting out how to end the chapter was really complicated and she helped with that.  
> Enjoy!

Since luck is just random events, there really isn't such a thing as 'bad' or 'good' luck. Making one bad choice after the next with a random, bittersweet accident at the end? Armin couldn't say it was  _bad_  luck, but it wasn't good either. The best way to deal with the terrible situation was to deny it even happened. 'It' being the shiver up his spine when Jean looked at him as if his whole world had ended. The butterflies in his stomach when Jean apologized like he had accidentally killed a small animal. The short moment when he stopped breathing because he just couldn't believe Jean was so damn sweet. Now he couldn't stop thinking about just how down right adorable Jean had just been. 

The two young adults were standing, staring at each other for at least five minutes. Armin was trying to convince himself he was not completely infatuated, and Jean was distraught and panicking over the look he was getting. He was worrying about something that didn't really matter, so Armin was the first to speak again, "Don't look so upset. If you really feel that bad about it you can just make it up to me..." He shouldn't have been doing what he was about to do, but Armin couldn't help himself. Jean was oblivious to what he'd really done, but was quick to try and make up for the ruined mess of gum and paper in the street. "Do you want me to pay for it? I can do that!" 

  
Armin thought about how he may regret his decision at some point down the road, but he'd cross that bridge when he got there. "No, it's fine. But... if you could maybe drive me to my friend's house instead? I walked all the way here just for  _this_." Armin gestured to the bag in his hand. Jean thought that it was a really weird request and wasn't exactly equal to package of gum, but it wasn't like Armin was a complete stranger. He also didn't want to come off as an asshole by saying no. "I can do that too I guess." It took a moment for Jean to remember which direction he parked in, and he winced when he past the gum smushed on the pavement. Jean reasoned that since he had an awful night and an awkward morning, it was okay to get a little worked up over gum.

Maybe it  _was_  odd to have been so upset over it, but as long as Armin didn't say anything about it then Jean wouldn't have to worry. It felt sort of like Déjà vu, walking to the car again to drive Armin somewhere he had to be. Though now that they knew about their connection to Marco, it felt weird. It was 'weird' the first time considering the coffee, the laughing, the bad attempts at socializing, and the fact it was nearly four in the morning. But now it was  _really_  strange. Jean wanted to ask Armin about what he knew of Marco's cheating, but at the same time he didn't want to think about it. 

What was the point of leaving the house to get away from Marco if he was just going to ask someone about Marco? It defeated the purpose entirely. How long had Armin even been friends with Marco? Maybe Armin wouldn't  _want_  to talk about it, since he knew Marco for a while or something. What did Jean even know about Armin? Armin laughed at stupid things, he was sort of passive aggressive, and he told Marco not to cheat. That was about it. Oh, and he didn't like being called a girl. It made Jean wonder how much Armin knew about  _him_.  

Before the paranoid thoughts could form, they'd gotten to the car and Armin slammed his arm down on the trunk before Jean could open it. "I changed my mind!" It was alarming for Jean to have someone interrupt his thoughts with shouting that was pleasant and happy. No matter how Jean felt about Armin's... well  _everything_  that Armin did and said, he opened the car trunk and pushed the large bag into the back. "I don't really understand what you're saying anymore." Jean didn't know, but if it had been anyone besides Armin that he was talking to, they'd probably be confused, angry, or offended in some way. But Armin was just smiling. It was a good thing that he didn't know, or else he would have thought Armin was even weirder than he thought.

"I mean I don't want you to take me to my friend's house. I want to go somewhere.  _Anywhere_." Armin knew that he was asking a lot, especially since he knew that Jean was probably very confused. His hopes were quickly starting to die when he saw just how confused Jean was. "With me?" Even the way Jean said it sounded so hopelessly lost, like he was being introduced to a new concept. Armin didn't want to let his doubts show, so all he did was nod. Of course he wanted to go with Jean, why else would he have asked? 

It wasn't just a 'new concept' to Jean, it might as well have been  _foreign_  altogether. "Uhh, why?" It almost physically hurt to hear someone besides Marco offer to go somewhere with him. Why the hell did Armin even care about him? He could understand wanting Jean to drive him somewhere, but what good reason could someone have to want to go somewhere  _with him_? Especially if Armin already knew things about him. 

Armin didn't understand why Jean sounded so offended at first, but remembered that Jean wasn't a 'social person'. Of course Jean wouldn't understand why, in his whole life, anyone would actually want to spend time with him besides Marco that was in their right mind. "I just wanted to get to know you, that's all... If you're busy today, I understand. But I have absolutely nothing to do, and, well, I like you." The last part was said just a bit  _too_  sweetly, and it was too late for Armin to take it back. But he was lucky, because Jean had been deprived from socializing, and he didn't see any difference in how Armin had said it. What mattered was that Armin had said it at all. 'I like you'? Did Jean even hear that right?

Now what was Jean supposed to do? He didn't know how to feel about it. "Get to know me? Aren't you friends with Marco or whatever? Shouldn't you already know about me from whatever he says?" Jean knew that Marco talked about him to other people. Any time that Jean met one of Marco's friends they were already incredibly cautious of his 'attitude problem'. Except Armin didn't even act like he knew Marco at all. It was like Armin didn't see Jean as 'Marco's boyfriend that's kind of an asshole'. It have been nice if Armin really didn't know Marco at all, then it would have sounded nicer. Less realistic, not that hearing it  _at all_  was realistic, but definitely nicer. 

"I said I want to get to know  _you_ , not what Marco says about you. Come on, why don't we just go do something if you're not busy? I don't really care what, we can just do whatever you want." Armin didn't even blink when he said it, he was being honest and his excitement was real. Someone  _actually_  wanted to do something with Jean, despite anything they had already heard. Jean still couldn't believe it. "Did Marco pay you to say all of this?" If Marco was desperate enough, he might pay someone to make Jean happy, right? It seemed like a possibility. 

It was possible, but it wasn't what was happening. Armin started laughing at the thought of Marco giving him money to do something. "Are you  _kidding_  me?! Jean, you really are funny. You can't pay  _me_  to do anything besides my job. Yeah Marco never shuts up about you, but he wouldn't pay me to talk to you. He might try and pay me to  _not_  talk to you though." That seemed way more reasonable, although rude. "That doesn't make me feel any better, but I believe you."

Armin walked over to the passenger side and grabbed the door handle, "Well I heard you liked honesty, but if that's not your thing you can tell me about it on the way." Jean's first instinct was to tell Armin that he hadn't agreed to go anywhere with him and to get away from his car. But he  _did_  say he would give Armin a ride. Jean wondered how many times he'd refrained from turning Armin down so that he wouldn't seem like a bad person. "You're kinda..." Jean wanted to say that Armin was getting on his nerves, but he changed his mind. It wasn't that he wanted to be liked, but Armin honestly wasn't really getting on his nerves. What got on his nerves was that he didn't know what to do around Armin, and how to handle all of the semi-positive attention he was receiving.

Why did it have to happen  _now_? Why couldn't he have met Armin years ago? Even a month ago would have been just fine. Jean knew if he tried to think about it now then he would end up standing there looking at Armin for a long time. Like trying to teach a dog how a bicycle works or some other nearly impossible task. "Never mind. Okay." Jean shook his head and unlocked the car. He would just go with the flow and pray that nothing bad happened.

They sat in the car for a few minutes, before Jean realized that Armin was staring at him. "Uhhh? Is there something wrong?" Jean hoped there wasn't anything wrong already, but Armin looked almost annoyed. "Where are we going exactly?" Armin was tapping his fingers impatiently on his lap. It was driving Jean up a wall, the mood swings Armin seemed to be going through. "Okay you know what, are you  _sure_  you are not a girl? Biologically speaking? I mean you look like one, you kinda sound like one, you're going through mood swings, you bought _pads_ \- and don't think I don't know what those are for-" "Are you hungry? I'm hungry." Now Armin was acting like he hadn't been called a woman at all. 

When Jean only stared back in confusion, Armin smiled and leaned in close enough to whisper into Jean's ear. "Since I like you, I'll tell you if we go eat something." Armin leaned back again and stopped smiling, "I get what Marco meant now. But I would  _really_  like it if you could prove him wrong." Jean wasn't sure how to feel about  _any_  of that, but he hadn't eaten since last night. Going to get some food would be killing several birds with one stone.

"Alright, where do you want to go?" Jean didn't have anything in mind, he mostly just ate pizza if he wasn't at home for Marco to make him something.  Armin buckled his seat belt and set his bag on the floor, "I told you, I don't really care. Whatever you want, I mean it's not like you owe me anything special." That wasn't the answer he wanted to hear, but Jean was done making things more complicated than they had to be. Without noticing it he'd rolled his eyes and muttered something about Armin, then started driving. His plan was to go to whatever he saw first.

That first thing had been the drive-through of a fast food place, and to Jean's surprise Armin had no problem with that. Armin had absolutely no problem eating two cheese burgers and a large fry, it was kind of entertaining to watch. Jean thought that Armin had high standards, or was the type to at least watch his weight or something along those lines. Supposedly Armin  _did_  watch his weight, but 'there is a difference between watching your weight and watching what you eat'. Jean didn't understand what that meant and it took Armin fifteen minutes to explain. 

"Speaking of your weight," Jean didn't want to insult Armin's weight, really. Armin looked completely fine, no weight issues whatsoever. It was relevant to one of the many reasons Jean agreed to get food with Armin. "You uh, you're worried about your weight so... you know, most guys don't really do that..." Jean felt like if he blatantly asked 'are you a girl?' for the third time that day, Armin would just get really mad at him. Who wouldn't get pissed off after being harassed about their gender? 

Armin sighed and wiped his fingers off on his pants, "Right, guys can't watch their weight without having their masculinity put under a magnifying glass." He was joking, but Jean thought he'd crossed the line and seriously offended the blonde. "No, uh,  _fuck_ , no that's not what I'm saying I just wanted to know if you're a girl and I didn't want to actually  _say it_  because I thought you know after hearing it twice already it would piss you off and it's fine that you watch your weight that's nice, you're nice, you don't even have to watch your weight because you look really nice." Nervous, angry ranting was another reason Jean couldn't socialize. 

The compliment had just been said so that Jean wouldn't sound like he was calling Armin out of shape, but it certainly made Armin happy. Armin was definitely blushing, but Jean just thought he was red with anger, "I'm doing a pretty bad job at avoiding what Marco says I do, huh?" "Stop talking so much, you're annoying me." Armin didn't mean to sound so cold but he needed Jean to stop talking. The look on Jean's face was heartbroken, like when he saw the gum get run over, and when he knocked his coffee onto the floor the other day. 

All Armin could think was that  _god damn it,_  Jean was really cute. Among other things that he was trying to ignore, there was no way he could deny that he liked Jean more than he should have. Anyone but Jean. This would be okay if it was  _anyone but **Jean**._  "I'm not girl. Not physically, not mentally, not at all. Mood swings? Yeah, sorry. A little stressed lately. What's your excuse?" Armin had stopped blushing but he was still smiling. 

"Well I think you already know. You gave my boyfriend a really good slap in the face yesterday. We got into an argument." Jean didn't want to go into the details of the night, it wasn't something he wanted anyone besides him and Marco to know. "Oh yeah, Marco told me everything over the phone last night." Well there goes privacy. Jean sighed and rested his head on the window. Why did Marco have to tell other people about this kind of thing? One day and he has to whine about his relationship issues to someone else?

Maybe it was just Armin that Marco was telling this stuff too. Jean wouldn't know. "How long have you known him?" It couldn't have been more than four years, unless they met online, but that was just a really creepy thought. Armin didn't want to answer, but he had no excuse for not answering. "Well I've  _known_  him for I think three years." There was no way he was going to add 'but I've been acting as his personal therapist and letting him have sex with me since spring this year'. 

Jean didn't like to think that the only other person he'd gotten even close to being friends with, had known Marco for that long. "So then what do you know about me? If you've known him that long I'm sure you've heard a lot."  It would probably all be mostly negative; Jean was pretty useless. Though it couldn't have been that bad if Armin was still there. "I know that you're really clumsy, you can't tell if I'm a man or a woman, you like your coffee black, you're funny even though you're not trying to be,-" "Armin that's not what I meant."

Of course it wasn't what he meant, but Armin didn't want to say anything about what Marco had told him. Marco wasn't particularly supportive of Jean when he talked to other people, and Armin didn't want to say it. "Marco never says a lot about what happened before you two moved here from wherever, but I know the basics. Your birthday, what kind of job you have, you get up early, you know? Boring stuff that I don't care about." Armin knew that saying he didn't care about parts of Jean's life was insensitive and rude, it was how he really felt. He liked Jean, but not because of his job or his sleeping habits. 

Luckily Jean wasn't all that offended. "Okay, fair enough. I don't give a shit about your job either." Jean was slowly starting to actually get comfortable with the unpredictability of their conversations. Armin could guess that, and it made him happy for more than just the fact he had a stupid, totally-not-a-crush on him. "Great. I also know that you and Marco have been having tons of issues, and I know that you  _both_  still love each other. Oh but what do you know? I don't care about that right now. I want to get to know  _you_  Jean, so unless your life revolves around Marco then..." Jean's life did revolve around Marco. 

Oh well. Armin still didn't care. "Okay, bad choice of words. I don't  _care_  about Marco right now. I just want to know you, okay? And if there's not a lot to know, then we'll just have to go do things until your life is less about your love life and more about your  _actual life_." It felt good to finally get that out of his system. He'd heard enough from Marco, that Jean was this or that. 

Jean was confused yet pleased to hear Armin say that. "What so does that make us friends or something?" Armin shrugged, "This is just the second time we've met. I'd like to, so, if you consider me your friend I think it'll be less insensitive to invade your privacy." There was no way to tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but Jean did need someone else to talk to now that he was avoiding Marco. "So does that mean I get to invade  _your_  privacy?" Jean didn't share Armin's feelings of infatuation, but even he realized how sexual it had sounded. 

Armin felt the need to say something sexual back, but reason won over. This was the only time that Jean realized Armin's face was red from blushing, and he tried his best to keep himself from getting red with embarrassment himself. "I didn't mean  _that_... but... Nevermind. Uh, do you want to go do something else? Like a movie maybe...? Sitting in the car all day would kinda suck." It took all of Armin's self control to grit his teeth and silently nod instead of say anything. If he had opened his mouth he would have said something he'd regret. 

  


* * *

The rest of the day had been spent with 'small talk', more eating, and of course going to the movie theater for a couple of movies. Armin felt like it had been a really weird date, but he knew that it was so far from that. Sure, movies and laughing and eating together was something he personally liked to do for dates. But it was just being friendly. It sort of killed him a bit, especially since as he spent more time with Jean he started to crush on him even harder. Armin blushed way too easily, and Jean had made too many comments that made Armin do so. However Armin did keep his cool and he'd pushed as many romantic or sexual thoughts to the back of his mind. 

They didn't talk much about their personal lives after they ate, since they went from point A to point B and were watching movies most of the day. The most personal thing they talked about was that Jean hated romances and Armin absolutely  _loved_ them. They had a whole conversation as to why it sucked, or in Armin's case, why the genre was good. 

It was six when Armin's phone rang and he realized that he should have dropped off the pads before going anywhere with Jean. "Is she your girlfriend or something?" Of course, the only thing that Jean had said and implied romance on purpose was about the girl Armin was buying pads for. "No, she's not. I told you, she's just a friend. She only had two pads left, that's why she sent me to get more. She's really pissed off..." The day had been a few inappropriate acts short of a wonderful day. Inappropriate as in wanting to hold Jean's hand or suggest they just drive into an alley where no one's looking and  _ **no** ,_ Armin wasn't going to let that thought complete itself.

"Okay, she's not your girlfriend, but couldn't she buy those damn things herself?" Jean really was insensitive and rude, not that Armin was complaining about it. "You wonderfully ignorant soul, you have no idea, do you? Imagine, once a week, every month,  _bleeding_  out of your-" Jean covered Armin's mouth, he looked absolutely disgusted, "I  _know_ , so please don't go into detail." Armin pushed Jean's hand away and went to open the passenger side door. "You clearly don't know that much." 

Jean nodded as he got in on his side, "I don't think I really want to, thanks anyway." The casual conversation felt nice, and every now and then they'd both forget that they knew Marco. Jean wouldn't care about having to meet any standards set by his boyfriend. Armin didn't feel like he was betraying anyone by finding his good friend's boyfriend to be incredibly attractive. And now there wasn't much conversation at all, since Armin was giving directions. 

Armin was just going to say goodbye and then leave when they arrived, but Jean handed him two dollars. Armin didn't understand why, and he just stared at them. Jean looked incredibly serious when he spoke, "It's for the gum..." Armin had heard Jean, but he was still staring. If luck really did exist as just luck, then this would definitely be bad luck. Jean didn't have to pay him back for the stupid gum, it was meaningless, not even worth a full two bucks. 

Without saying anything else, Armin left, hurrying up the pathway to the house. It was like last time, except it didn't make as much sense to Jean this time. Jean watched to see if Armin was going to come back, but noticed the shopping bag on the floor. The whole point of driving here was so that Armin could give the damn pads to some friend, yet he was just going to leave them in the car? What did Jean do wrong this time?  

He didn't have time to linger on it, since after a couple of minutes Armin walked out of the house and was walking back over to the car. Jean leaned over to open the passenger side door, but Armin got to it first without realizing Jean was right there. He'd leaned down to grab the bag and nearly knocked heads with Jean by mistake, but he stopped when their faces got too close.  _Too fucking close_  for Armin's comfort. 

There were three things that could happen. Armin could kiss Jean, that'd be nice. He could hit their heads together to avoid choice one. Or Jean could back away and oh yes that's what was happening. Jean sighed in relief, "Wow that could have really hurt if you didn't stop when you did!" Ignorance really was bliss, if Jean knew half of things running through Armin's head he wouldn't have been so relieved. "Yeah... I enjoyed today. We should do that again some time, maybe. Goodnight?" Armin was a mess on the inside, wishing that they had just hit their heads. Maybe it would have knocked some sense into him and he would stop thinking about Jean as more than a friend. Jean smiled and put the two dollars in Armin's bag, "Okay, goodnight." Why did Jean have to smile when he said that? It was just making it worse. 

"This is my number." Armin left a piece of paper on the seat, which had been the reason he went to go in the house before grabbing his bag. He needed an excuse to come back, and he knew Jean wasn't going to question why Armin had his phone number already on some paper. It would have been too awkward to personally exchange numbers right into their phones, anyway. Armin stepped away and closed the door before Jean could say anything else. Again, for a moment he'd forgotten that Jean was in a relationship. He couldn't stop smiling even as he thought of just how bad this was. "Marco's going to kill me for this." And Armin could only smile when he said it to himself, because he didn't really care. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be cute, I failed, I know. Oh well. It was literally 80 degrees in my house when I wrote most of this. I almost cried 3 times because do you even know how hard it is to write cute adorable awkwardness when you're miserable and sweaty? I promise there will be actual talking of personal stuff between Jean and Armin, but I just couldn't do it in this chapter. There was soooo much I wanted to write but I needed to get this out and honestly I didn't want a bunch of feely stuff on the second day they see each other. 
> 
> Yes I made Armin sassy and he thinks about sex every now and then, cry me a river if you think it's "out of character". Armin's still a male with urges, okay? I don't care about your shota fantasies, Armin is a 22 year old fine hot piece of sarcastic ass in my story, is that a bad thing?


	9. Fuck Jean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or not...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saying this right off the bat, this is literally the worst chapter I have ever published, and I apologize. If you don't like NSFW, then please use ctrl+f and find the three asterisks that mark the end of the nsfw that Glitter_Zombie wrote and the start of the chapter that I myself wrote.  
> Sort of special thanks to my betas. On one hand, this chapter had the least errors. On the other hand, it's the worst chapter story wise and they made sure I knew that.  
> I'm not a fan of the style the smut is written in, so if you want to complain- don't.

Armin is awoken by a loud, frantic knock at the door. “…What?…” Looking around the dark room, he glares over at Eren’s side of the room to see him sprawled out across the mattress. “Okay…so it wasn’t him…” Still groggy, Armin stumbles out of his bed and blindly searches for pants, and a shirt.  _’BANG BANG’_  The knocking continues. “Hang on!”

A few painful moments later, Armin bursts out of his room wearing an inside-out band tee and striped pj pants.  _'BANG BANG BANG'_  The door shakes. “This better be good!” Armin screeches. As he throws open the door, he had half the mind to just hit whomever it was in the face and go back to bed…Wait… _it’s Jean?_

__Armin stares at the panting Jean. “What are you doing here?” He asks. Jean says nothing, instead he steps inside with a strange look in his eyes. Armin closes the door. “Jean, are you okay? What happened?” Still, nothing. Jean walks towards Armin, and Armin backs up. “Woah, Jean, what are you doing?” Jean still doesn’t speak, but he continues to walk towards Armin. Armin backs up against a wall, now he has nowhere to go.

Seeing this, Jean smirks and lunges forward pinning Armin’s shoulders against the wall. Armin gasps; “Jean?!?” That’s the last thing Armin could say. The next moment, Jean’s mouth was on Armin’s kissing him frantically. Armin’s eyes widen at the surprise but soon he begins to moan into Jean’s mouth and kiss him back.

Jean presses his body hard against Armin as they kiss passionately, and with a deep moan he releases Armin’s shoulders.  Jean is starting to get excited and Armin can feel it pressing against him. With free reign now, Armin grabs Jean’s pants and attempts to unbutton them, but he’s having issues with the top button. Jean breaks the kiss and smacks Armin’s hands away, unbuttoning the pants himself and letting them fall to the floor.

Armin just watches him, against the wall, panting. Jean approaches Armin again, but this time, he goes for Armin’s neck. Armin throws his arms around Jean’s waist, and with a loud groan he pulls Jean hard against him, their excitement growing. Armin gains a little more confidence and grasps Jean’s shirt and tugs it upwards, trying to take it off. Jean quickly breaks from Armin’s neck and steps back, lifting his arms up so Armin can pull the shirt off over his head. Armin tosses the shirt aside and just stares at Jean, in awe. 

Jean slowly approaches Armin, a deep gaze locked between them. He places his hands on either side of Armin’s face and slightly bends down to meet Armin’s lips with his. He kisses Armin softly at first, but the kiss quickly heats up and he begins nipping at Armin’s lips. Jean’s hands leave Armin’s face and venture down to the waist of his pants. With one swift tug, Armin’s pants and underwear are on the ground.

Armin has no time to react because the next moment, Jean grabs him by his waist and turns him around to face the wall. Armin hears a quick ruffle of fabric and in the next instant, Jean is against his backside, pressing him firmly against the cold wall. Jean moans into Armin’s ear as he grabs his waist again, this time pressing his erection into him. Armin bites his bottom lip as he prepares himself for what is about to happen. 

Jean presses himself hard against Armin’s entrance and with one hard thrust, he slams deep inside Armin. Armin lets out a loud shriek, and immediately tenses up. Jean doesn’t move, instead, he gives Armin the chance to adjust to his size. Jean leans into Armin’s neck and gently kisses him there, as he slowly slides his hand around to grasp Armin’s erection tightly. He begins to stroke Armin, still kissing his neck gently. Armin whimpers softly and loosens up, and leans back into Jean more. Jean begins to move now, slow at first, but he gradually speeds up, still jerking Armin off, their labored breaths filling the room. 

Jean grunts and leans back a bit pulling Armin back with him. Armin places his hands on the wall and props himself up, pushing himself back against Jean. Jean grunts again and picks up the pace, slamming into Armin relentlessly. Armin throbs in Jean’s hand and bites his lip... he can’t take much more of this. "Ah…Jean…fuck, I’m going to cum!" 

At that moment,  Armin’s eyes open. Something hit him in the head. He is confused, because he is in his bed now. Looking around, there’s no sign of Jean anywhere. He grits his teeth with realization…He just had a wet dream, a very  _vivid_  wet dream. Armin closes his eyes again in embarrassment, but they quickly pop open when he feels a punch on his shoulder. It’s Eren.

Eren and Armin exchange awkward glances. Huffing, Armin looks away totally embarrassed and unsatisfied. Eren breaks the silence; “Dude, you were moaning so loud it woke me up. What the hell, man?” Armin bites his lip hard and looks back at Eren, with animosity behind his glare. “It doesn’t matter. Go to bed, Eren.” Armin snaps.  ”No, it does matter. That was some dream you were having, who was it about?”  “That’s none of your business!” Armin screeches. Armin rolls over and covers his head with the blanket. “Just leave me alone.”

Eren jerks Armin’s blanket down violently making Armin gasp. “No, No, No. You’re gonna tell me about this dream right now.” Eren says, plopping down on Armin’s bed. Armin growls and covers his eyes in shame. “Alright, alright. I sort of had a vivid dream about someone I shouldn’t be dreaming about at all. He’s sort of…off limits.” “Ooh, tell me more!” Eren teases, slapping Armin in the stomach. “That hurt!” Armin whines. “I told you what you needed to know, just screw off already.” Armin pushes Eren making him stumble off the bed. “Hey!” Laughing, Eren jumps on top of Armin and they start to wrestle. 

Eren tickles Armin furiously. Armin cannot stop laughing and he begins to flail around, making the blanket fall off the bed. Eren stops. “Dude. You have a raging boner, what the fuck?” Eren starts laughing uncontrollably. “Did I turn you on or something? I know I’m sexy, but damn.” “Don’t flatter yourself, this wasn’t from  _you_.” Armin snaps, as he bends down to grab his blanket.  ”Well I guess I could suck you off or something.” Eren says half joking. “Who offers to go down on their best friend?” Armin asks.  
  
Armin punches Eren’s shoulder and rolls over, covering his head with the blanket.  Eren pulls down the blanket and gets on top of Armin, straddling him. “What do you think you’re doing Eren? Get off me!” Armin complains. “I’m doing you a favor, now shut up.” Eren sneers. Eren places his hands at the brim of Armin’s boxers making him squirm. “Woah!…Woah!” Armin yells, flailing underneath Eren. Eren uses his legs to hold Armin still, and jerks down Armin’s underwear, exposing him. Armin gasps. “ _Eren_ , what are you doing?!” Eren lets out a sigh and grabs Armin’s erection.  
  
With a deep breath Eren bends down and takes Armin into his mouth. Armin shudders, and grabs Eren by his hair pulling at it. “I didn’t ask you for any favors!” Armin yells. He is annoyed and tired, but he can’t help the way his body reacts to what Eren is doing. “Whatever...” Surrendering, Armin lays back and closes his eyes.  
  
Eren alternates between jerking Armin and sucking. Armin’s breath becomes labored and he grabs the bed sheet and scrunches it in his fists. As his hips start to thrust upwards, he lets go of the bed sheet and places his hands on the back of Eren’s head pushing it down hard as he thrusts his hips upwards. Eren gags a bit with the change of pace, but he adjusts quickly and lets Armin guide his head up and down as he sucks him hard.  
  
Armin pushes Eren’s head down forcefully as he feels himself throb in Eren’s throat. Eren moans against him, and the vibration from it sends Armin over the edge. With a sharp breath and a moan, Armin pushes Eren’s head down all the way and cums, shaking violently. Eren lingers there a moment, and as Armin watches, he swallows. Armin’s eyes widen at this sight and he gasps. He didn’t expect him to swallow. _  
_ __  
Armin lets his hands drop, and Eren brings his head up, taking Armin out of his mouth in the process. They don’t say a word; They just stare at each other, panting. Armin ponders for a few moments then sits up. Nose to nose with Eren, Armin pushes him backwards onto his back. He grabs Eren’s pants at the sides and pulls them down swiftly. “Looks like someone enjoyed giving me that blowjob” Armin chuckles lightly as he grabs Eren’s erection firmly and begins to jerk him off. “So what? What are you gonna do about it?” Eren says between moans.  
  
Armin jerks Eren off clumsily, but he wants more. Letting go of Eren, Armin gets on top of him and straddles him, so he can ride him. “Ah…I knew I turned you on!” Eren jokes. They exchange a heated look, then Eren grabs Armin by the hips, lifts him upwards, and slams him down hard on his dick. “Aahh!” Armin hisses, feeling the sting. Eren doesn’t give Armin a chance to adjust at all, instead, while laying on his back, he grabs Armin’s hips and begins to slam himself deep inside, harder with each thrust.  
  
Armin bites his lip and falls forward, placing his hands on Eren’s shoulders, somewhat pinning Eren down to the bed. He begins to move up and down, guiding Eren’s violent thrusts, somewhat bucking atop him. With a shiver, Armin slides one of his hands down his clammy torso and grasps himself tightly. Eren grits his teeth and holds Armin’s hips, digging his fingernails into the sensitive flesh there, slamming Armin up and down on top of him. Armin begins to tug himself, sensing another release creeping up. Eren slams into Armin over and over, his breaths becoming labored.  
  
Eren bites his bottom lip hard, and with one more hard thrust, he pulls out of Armin rapidly pushing Armin off of him onto his ass. “Fuck!!” Eren screams as he pants and grasps himself, trying to control where he cums. Armin falls back hard, but doesn’t stop jerking himself as his breath sputters. Armin’s release isn’t far behind Eren’s, and with a few hard pumps to himself, Armin chokes out a moan and cums for a second time, all over his blanket.  
  
Armin looks down at his blanket. “What a mess.” Armin whines as he tries to catch his breath. “Yea dude, clean that shit up.” Eren snaps, then stands up and walks to his side of the room. “Goodnight then!” Eren yells, as he jumps into his own bed and covers himself up. “Yeah, whatever.” Armin cringes and pushes his blanket onto the floor. “Goodnight, asshole.” Armin says, closing his eyes.

  
***

You're not supposed to dream about having sex with your friend's boyfriend. Especially when you've been sleeping with that friend knowing that they're in a relationship already. You're not supposed to let your own  _best friend_  give you oral, let alone have sex with them. It shouldn't have surprised Armin that he was doing any of those things anyway. The last time he had anything sexual to do with someone that fit society's standards he was in front of a computer screen at fifteen years old. When real people that he knew got involved, all morality and standards that Armin once had just disappeared. 

What was bad about last night was how casual Eren was about the whole thing. Like it was just an average Saturday night for them, which it wasn't. It was even stranger since Eren wasn't interested in guys. If only it had been a dream too, then Armin could just forget about it and he wouldn't be sitting in his dirty bed sheets all morning.

Eren pushed the door open, he was just wearing boxers and his hair was wet. He must have showered recently, since he was also holding his toothbrush covered in toothpaste. "Good you're up! Tell me who you were dreaming about- I've been  _dying to know_. If you were making those girly ass noises over  _one_  little dream they must be pretty damn attractive." Armin was pretty sure that he did not make girly noises when he was dreaming. "I told you that's none of your business! And I don't make 'girly' noises!" 

Eren had been brushing his teeth, his mouth was full of toothpaste. He pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth and swallowed the toothpaste, "Ew I hate mint. It's supposed to make your breath smell nice but it tastes like crap." Armin rolled his eyes and got up, starting to gather his sheets and blankets to throw them in the washer. "You're not supposed to swallow tooth paste, dumbass." 

"Toothpaste isn't the only thing I shouldn't be swallowing." Eren winked and nudged Armin's shoulder as he walked by, doing everything in his power not to laugh at his own joke. Armin groaned, "You are  _never_  going to get a date with that kind of attitude and disgusting sense of humor." Eren had been single for two years, which of course he tried to blame on being 'too intimidating' for women to handle. But everyone knew that was a lie. 

Though Eren was intimidating when he was angry or annoyed, he wasn't threatening when he was holding casual conversation. Then again 'casual' to everybody else wasn't the same as Eren's definition of the word. "Says the guy who can hold a slippery bar of soap better than a relationship." Eren followed Armin down the hallway to the laundry room. So, Armin hadn't been in a relationship for a while either, big deal. And his relationships didn't last very long either. At least he didn't make bad jokes like Eren.

Armin opened the washer and started shoving his clothes in, "Do you need anything washed or-  _AH_!" Eren had pulled at Armin's boxers and let go to make it snap back like a rubber band. When Armin turned around, Eren tried to pretend like he was innocent. Armin glared, "This is why no one likes sleeping with you." Every time someone slept with Eren, he would tease and bother them for the following few days if they were close to him. Hence why he couldn't get a date. Everyone eventually learned that having sex with Eren was like giving a nine year old a kiss on the cheek. 

Eren made an exaggerated gasp, "Really? How ever will I live with myself?!" Sometimes Armin wanted to kick Eren out of the apartment because of things like this. "Come on, we haven't done that in months, you can't lie and say you didn't miss any of it." The two of them used to have sex 'every now and then', since neither of them could get a decent date and were stressed beyond all reasoning. Armin never understood why Eren was willing, since Eren claimed to be straight as a board. "You got more annoying each time, and for your information I had someone else to turn to for that kind of...  _attention_." This was the first time Eren was even hearing about there being someone else for Armin to 'spend time with'. The only people that knew about what Armin was doing with Marco were Armin and Marco. 

The news made Eren suspicious and worried. If Armin wasn't talking about someone he was sleeping with, it usually wasn't a good sign. Eren even had an agreement with Armin that they would not keep secrets about who they were sleeping with from each other. Just in case something went wrong, Eren liked to be the one to sort things out for Armin's best interest. "Are you saying what I think you're saying? Armin you told me that you woul-" Armin stopped him with a really sloppy kiss. If anything could shut Eren up, it was getting kissed by a guy. 

When Armin pulled away, Eren look absolutely disgusted. "... _Dude_." Eren's grip on his toothbrush loosened, and he almost dropped it completely. Eren shook his head and ran into the bathroom, squirting toothpaste into his mouth and violently brushing his teeth over and over. Armin watched with his arms crossed, knowing that Eren would not be bringing up sex again any time soon. After brushing his teeth three times, Eren looked back at Armin, "Dude what the fuck is wrong with you? You know I'm not gay! Ugh!  _Gross_!" He reached for the mouth wash and took a shot of it, trying to rinse away the feeling of Armin's mouth and tongue on his. 

Armin sighed and started pouring the detergent into the washer. "You're the gayest heterosexual I know. You'll give me a blowjob and have me ride your cock but for whatever reason, a kiss is too much for you." Eren was an odd case. He really  _wasn't_  gay, or at least he was pretty convinced that he wasn't. So on one hand he was a very sexually confused person, but on the other he was completely sure that he was interested in only women. Yet another reason no one liked to sleep with Eren. 

"Yeah well sex is different than  _kissing_  someone! I don't feel  _that way_  about you." Oh yeah, straight as a board as long as sex doesn't count. Armin wasn't going to hear any more, "Right, so have you found a job yet?" That was the second thing that could get Eren to stop talking. Eren nodded, "Ohhh, yeaaah...  _nooo_." Of course not. "Then go put some clothes on, get out of here, and don't come back until you've got a work application from somewhere."

Now that Eren was out of his hair, Armin could continue with the laundry. He looked down at his boxers and sighed. He didn't want Eren to make any sexual joke or try anything when he was naked, but he wanted to clean his clothes. It wasn't like Eren would be leaving the apartment any time soon either. Armin took off his shirt as fast as he could, turning to see if Eren was out of the room yet. Nope. Still good. When he took off his boxers he felt overly exposed. If it wasn't in a bedroom or the shower, he didn't like being in the nude. There were so many creeps in the world that could be looking through his window at that  _very moment_  or Eren could be taking pictures for blackmail. Which had happened several times before. 

All he could do was hurry to the bathroom and pray that Eren wasn't behind him with his damn phone. At that very moment, the back door opened just as Armin was about to walk by it. It was Mikasa with the dog, Clyde. She looked confused for a moment before walking in and closing the door, "I'm not even going to ask." She unhooked Clyde from his leash and coughed into her hand. Armin had been frozen still in embarrassment. It wasn't like Mikasa hadn't seen him naked before, but under the circumstances it just wasn't a good thing. "It's Eren's fault!" Armin muttered as he regained the ability to move and continued his way into the bathroom before slamming the door. 

Embarrassment and frustration just seemed to be crashing down on him since he had fantasized about Jean. Why did he have to fantasize about  _Jean_? A huge part of Armin wanted to have sex with Jean, but he didn't want to actually be the one that made it happen. Then he'd just feel guilty. But if it had been like how he'd dreamed about it, with Jean being the one to make the first move? There wouldn't be a single regret. Something told him that would probably never happen, and that his fantasy would always be just that. 

Armin stepped into the shower and closed the glass door, thinking more about why he was so for the idea of being a whore and sleeping with people he really shouldn't. Yes, he slept with Marco several times, but there were circumstances the first time. Every time after that had been from Marco insisting it would be okay, and Armin being bored, stressed, and a pushover. Plus they'd been decent friends and they were slightly interested in each other. But with  _Jean_  it was a completely different situation. 

He had only known Jean for a few days, and he did form a small crush on him when they first met, but there wasn't a single reason that having sex with him would be a good idea. Nothing good would have come out of it, right? It would be like putting the last nail in a coffin that held the relationship between Marco and Jean. What would Armin tell Marco? Hey I know I just broke things off with you but your boyfriend is really nice and I kind of want to have sex with him? Marco wasn't violent but there were probably ways he could screw with Armin's life and get him fired if he ever admitted that he was more than willing to fuck Jean. 

Maybe Marco would be right about all the things he said about Jean. Maybe Jean really was just a conceited asshole. Armin really hoped that it was true, because it was probably the only thing that would make him calm down. He probably wouldn't stop it for good, but if Jean really was such a terrible person then Armin would have time for it. 

When Armin put all of that aside, he couldn't help it. Since before he even realized who Jean actually was he really liked him. Sure it was just over some coffee, and it was early in the morning, and Jean didn't know if Armin was a girl or not. Jean was cute in that way. So clumsy and nervous but blunt at the same time, and his unintentional jokes. And damn it, he was really fucking attractive to boot. Armin rested his head on the plastic wall of the shower, wondering if he turned the heat on the shower up or if he was just beginning to fantasize again. "Fuck my taste in bed partners..." He was upset and disappointed in himself, but shameless and proud about it all at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't make up many excuses for how many things went wrong about this chapter. The chapter was late, but you know what, I had to publish SOMETHING. If I waited another week, what then? Would I even have a better chapter at that point? I wanted to add more onto it, but it was super late and I didn't have enough ideas to make the ideas I had seem like they fit in. If you stop reading my story because of this chapter, I don't blame you. All I can say is that the next chapter will have jeanmarco and you can stop worrying about ships that don't matter.  
> Just a few things I want to clear up.
> 
> 1\. Eremin will not be a romantic ship and it's a 100% completely and purely physical attraction and even then, in my story, Eren wouldn't get into a relationship with a guy if it would save his life. The chances of the two of them having sex in my story again is slim to none.  
> 2\. Stop saying the characters are OOC. Of course they're OOC. It's a modern AU and they're not teenagers. The entire idea of writing this was that they're different. If you hate the way I write Armin's character, fine, that's your opinion and you have the right to have it. But please don't hate the rest of the story over him.  
> 3\. Jearmin is one-sided in this, meaning that the main ship in this story will and always has been jeanmarco.
> 
> Once again, I know how awful this chapter is, so save your breath and do not bother kicking me over it. I've beaten myself up over it enough.


	10. You Care A Little Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco and Jean try and fix their relationship again but it backfires very, very badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dances*  
> I was on a roll with this one. Nearly 5k words. I promise it's better than the last chapter. I mean that's not saying much since the last chapter was REALLY BAD but heeeeeeey, this one's _pretty_ good!
> 
> I was having mood swings when I wrote this (also it was 3 a.m.) and I started crying when I wrote the end parts, so it took me a while to actually finish it because I had to take breaks because I'm an over-emotional sap. 
> 
> Thank you to my betas and Dani. But seriously my betas were really good on doing their jobs on time and wow they didn't slaughter me like they did with the last chapter!
> 
>  
> 
> **There's a little thing I hinted at in this chapter, I guess it's kinda an easter eggy thingy. High five if you spot it but chances are there's only 2 people that will spot it right away hahaha.**

If ignorance was bliss, maybe that was why Jean was so unhappy all the time. Being told the truth about being cheated on obviously made him unhappy, but nearly every day since Marco told him had been unpleasant. Jean didn't like it when people lied to him, even about small things. So if Marco was going to go behind his back and sleep with someone else, then who knows what else Jean was being lied to about? When he asked Armin about Marco, Armin just seemed really annoyed and  _bored._  Jean blamed himself for probably sounding like a clingy boyfriend, always trying to get Armin to say something, anything at all, about what Marco did when Jean wasn't around. Especially since when you're texting, you can't make 'Have you seen Marco today?'  _not_  seem clingy.

Every time, it was an answer like 'Ask Marco yourself.', or 'I don't spend every waking moment at work with him, how should I know what he does all the time?', or Jean's personal favorite so far 'If I wanted to gossip like a thirteen year old girl over relationship issues I would get a sex change.' Yes, that one sort of made Jean smile for some reason, and he had responded with 'Are you sure you're not a girl?' He only got an angry emoticon from Armin. And, being the sarcastic person Jean was, he then said 'That wasn't a no' with a winking emoticon and was ignored for the rest of the day. It was a pretty inconvenient time to be texting Armin, so of course he was going to get a response, or lack thereof, like that. But it still made Jean smile.

He also knew that Armin was right. If he wanted answers, it was pretty shallow to try and get them through someone Marco knew rather than Marco himself. Jean hadn't talked to Armin in person since that one Saturday, but they texted and sometimes Jean would make the mistake of calling Armin on a weekday. The next weekend after they last saw each other in person, Jean asked if they could go do something. But Armin had been busy and they just talked over the phone instead. Marco knew about none of it, and Jean supposed it was kind of lying. When Marco asked what he had done on that Saturday, Jean ignored him and set up the new coffee machine. Marco never asked again, but of course he never even noticed when Jean was texting someone. Jean had no actual friends to talk to that Marco knew of, so it wasn't like he shouldn't question it. 

Armin never said anything to Marco either, apparently. Jean asked Armin why, and he didn't like what he got in response. Long story short, Armin didn't try and contact Jean about Marco cheating, so why should he tell Marco that he's friends with Jean? Armin was keeping score of what not tell Jean and Marco as a way not to 'pick sides'. At the time Jean had just said it was 'fair enough', but he didn't know if he liked it. Was that even acceptable between friends? Jean wished he knew, but he didn't talk to people enough to understand what was 'normal' when it came to situations like this.

It was Wednesday night when Jean decided he wanted to ask Marco again about any secrets he had been keeping. It was almost two weeks since Marco told him, and they didn't talk much during that time. Jean would ask where Marco was going or when he'd be back home, but he didn't really talk to Marco about anything else. He would answer Marco if whatever was asked deserved to be answered, but if it was about whether Jean was still angry or not then Marco would get nothing. 

Jean was getting ready for bed when Marco walked into the room. Why Marco hadn't been shooed to the couch for a month, neither of them knew. Jean had sent Marco to the couch before for less. That wasn't really the point, or the issue, and it certainly wouldn't solve anything. If anything that could make things worse, since Marco could leave easily and go sleep with whoever the hell he wanted. That was a pretty paranoid thought to have, but Jean didn't even know when Marco had cheated. Morning? Night? In the middle of the day? Jean wasn't some clingy, overly obsessed, controlling boyfriend; He didn't ask where Marco was or what he was doing every second of every day.

Until now, maybe. It wasn't  _really_  clingy to get upset with Marco if he got home later than he originally said he would be. It wasn't  _really_  clingy to take Marco's phone and look through his text messages to see if he was planning on leaving the house. It wasn't clingy to call Marco at work and record how many times Marco did or didn't answer... So, okay, maybe it was just a  _little_  bit on the obsessive side, but it wasn't too bad, right? It could have been worse. Maybe it was too much, maybe Marco was going to get tired of how Jean was acting and he would cheat again. Jean wasn't being a good boyfriend by being so obsessive with everything. 

Why was he surprised that Marco cheated? Jean should just accept what happened and stop acting like he didn't deserve it. But he couldn't help wondering how much better the other person might have been. Maybe Marco deserved someone better. "So what's so great about them?" Jean didn't want to directly ask about looks, personality, or intelligence, because it wasn't hard to find someone that was better in all of those than him. Of course Jean thought he looked good and was smart, but he knew that it was just vanity and he wasn't nearly as appealing as he thought he was. Marco sat up, "What?" You'd think after nearly two weeks he would jump at the chance to re-explain himself. 

Jean stared at the wall, internally sighing. What was the point in torturing himself with knowing how he was compared to whoever Marco cheated on him with? "They're obviously better than me, I just want to know how much... Did they even know you were in a relationship?" He hoped the answer was yes, since a person couldn't be that great if they willingly slept with someone that they knew was taken. Jean really wanted them to be the worst, most pathetic kind of person.

Marco turned the side-desk lamp on, "Jean, no one is better for me than you. I told you already, it was just a mistake. I shouldn't have done it, I know that." That wasn't an acceptable answer for Jean, and Marco realized that. "Is ten at night really the time to talk about this?" That still wasn't an answer; It was annoying Jean. After almost two weeks of trying to talk to Jean, suddenly it's too late in the evening for it? "Okay, fine, don't tell me. How many times did you do it?" 

That was one question that Jean was going to get an answer to, no matter what. If whoever it had been was a shitty person, the amount of times Marco slept with them was important. It took a moment for Marco to say anything, "I didn't count..." Oh well that was splendid. Jean glared, "You didn't  _count_? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Do you remember sleeping with them twice? Three times? Or did you do it so much you just  _lost_  count?!" Bullshit Marco 'didn't count'. You didn't need to keep track of how many times you had sex with someone to know if you did it often. 

Did Marco think that Jean was so stupid? Did he think he could  _lie_  like that and Jean would just shrug and go to bed? He couldn't tell from how confused Marco's face looked. "Jean it was just a few times and I  _know_  that I screwed up! I said I'm sorry, what do you want me to do? How long are you going to be angry at me for this? Why can't you forgive me?" Jean thought the questions were incredibly stupid. "Having sex with someone 'a few times' is more than just a mistake. I don't think there's anything you  _can_  do! People break up for less!" 

Jean didn't want to break up, and he really did want to just forgive Marco and move on. But how was he supposed to, just like that? He knew Marco wasn't asking Jean to forget about it, but how does someone forgive their boyfriend for cheating and lying, within a couple of weeks? It wasn't like Jean was experienced with this. Normally he forgave Marco for anything he'd done wrong within a few hours, or a few days tops. 

Marco grabbed Jean's hand, "Please, no... Jean I know I messed up. I don't want you to excuse what I did, but we can't break up over this. I love you, can't you trust that I wouldn't cheat on you ever again?" Jean would have told Marco that it wasn't enough, and there needed to be more than just saying 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry' over and over. That it wasn't going to fix their relationship just by repeating the same things. If Marco wanted Jean to forgive him, then Marco should be the one that says the right things.

Why should Jean have to tell him? It wasn't Jean's fault that Marco cheated, right? If Marco was so smart then why couldn't  _he_  be the one to figure out the right things to say? "Tell me why you did it, then. Don't lie to me, don't leave out anything to try and make me 'feel better', just  _say it_." There was no way of telling who was more nervous between the two of them. Marco just wanted Jean to forgive him. "Jean please-" "Stop beating around the bush, just fucking tell me!" Marco knew better than anyone how impatient Jean was, and the longer Jean had to wait for an answer the more frustrated he was going to get. 

"You were stressing me out, okay? I just needed-" Jean had heard enough at that point, furiously getting out of bed to get distance from Marco. "You needed  _what_? To have sex with someone that doesn't care about you? Does that make you  _happy_ , knowing that you can screw someone and they're not going to wanna sleep next to you for the rest of the night and tell you that they love you? If I'm not the only person you need in your life then what's the point?!" Jean took his anger out on one of the alarm clocks, throwing it against the wall. He wasn't going to hit Marco ever again, he promised himself that. 

If Jean was more calm about things then it would be so much easier for Marco to explain himself better. "J-Jean it was a mistake!" That wasn't going to calm Jean down either. "Stop saying it was a mistake! Cheating on me  _once_  would be a mistake! Sleeping with someone else several times isn't just 'a mistake'. How long, huh? How long have you been keeping things from me? When were you going to tell me? Because as far as I can tell, the only reason you told me when you did was because Armin hit you so hard that I had to ask why!" 

Marco was starting to wish he never met Armin in the first place, then none of this would have happened. "I was going to tell you, I swear! I didn't want to tell you that night because you were happy. I just needed a few days to figure out how to tell you without it turning into  _this_." If Armin just hadn't slapped Marco, then maybe things would be okay. Jean was conflicted about it though. What if things were worse if he had found out later? "Tell me how long it's been happening! How fucking long ago did you start screwing someone else? And I swear if you tell me you can't remember or you 'weren't keeping track'..." There was nothing Jean really had to threaten Marco with, since he wouldn't break up with him or hit him. 

"A while... I don't really know exactly." Marco really hadn't remembered the exact date, and he could barely remember the exact date of the last time he slept with Armin. Jean grabbed their T.V. remote and threw it, too. " _A while_?! Oh good, so, for the past few months I've been paranoid that you didn't love me and that you wanted to break up with me, and it turns out I was wrong. You say you  _are_  in love with me, and you don't want to break up, but you've just been fucking someone else the whole time! Tell me  ** _how long_** you've been doing this! Stop lying to me!" He hated being lied to, and the few times Marco had lied about little things to Jean, it always sparked some kind of argument. 

It made absolutely no sense why Marco should expect Jean to be calm. "Jean this is what I'm talking about! I needed a break from you and your... just  _everything_! You freak out any time you catch me in a little white lie, so did you really expect me to want to tell you that I cheated? No! I knew you would act like this! You just don't get it, do you? I don't know exactly when it started because I've been trying my best to forget about it and I care about you!" 

Jean had nothing else to throw at the wall in his anger, all he could do was glare at his boyfriend. Wouldn't anyone get this upset if the person they'd been dating for nearly five years suddenly started cheating? "You care? You  _care_?! If you cared so much then why would you lie to me? If you loved me at all, why would you cheat in the first place? You're not supposed to cheat on someone when you want space, you're supposed to either break up or work things out! So don't tell me you care or that you love me because you clearly don't care as much as you say you do!" 

Just like when Marco had originally told him, he eventually lost his patience. "Jean I try and 'work things out' with you and you just won't do it! If I told you I wanted us to go get professional help with our relationship issues then you'd just get upset! No one cares about you as much as I do! I  _do_ love you, and I care, but you don't realize that because you don't even know what it's like for anyone else to care! And you know what?  _Nobody_  cares about you at all besides me. No one would care if you died tomorrow! Not your parents, not the people you work with, not the cats; No one but  _me_! Nobody likes you! No one has  _ever_  liked you! The person I cheated on you with? Maybe they  _are_  better than you! Loads better! Someone that wouldn't throw a hissy fit if I lied to them about something stupid like whether or not I fed the cats! Even though  _no one_  likes you, I do, and I still love you." 

It really hurt Jean to hear it all like that, all at once. This was why no one really liked honesty that much, because sometimes it really does hurt. It didn't just hurt him emotionally, Jean was  _physically_  in pain, too. No one cared about him except Marco? That couldn't be right, could it? "You don't really expect me to... believe that, right?" Jean's neck started to hurt, it was the feeling when you're close to crying. There was no way he was going to cry in front of Marco, not now. Marco didn't deserve to see Jean in tears. 

Neither of them said anything for what felt like forever but was only a few seconds, before Jean started to get angry again. "No one cares? You're the only person that cares? Armin cares about me. Maybe not as much as you do, and maybe he wouldn't care if I was dead, but he still cares a little bit." Marco was shocked and a bit offended that Jean was bringing up someone he barely knew. " _What?_  You met him once, getting coffee! He doesn't care about you-" "You're a fucking idiot! Did you not realize I've been on my phone more often? I met him at the store the day after you told me you cheated, and we've been texting each other since then!" 

Jean walked over to their closet and started grabbing out clothes. He didn't want to breathe the same air as Marco, so he wouldn't be sleeping here tonight. Marco felt, well, like a fucking idiot just like Jean said. How did he not know about this? "W-wait, Jean, you talked to Armin? What did he say? What have you two been doing?" He was scared that Armin was just making things worse. "Jean you can't trust anything he tells you, okay?!" Armin was a  _very good_  liar, it wouldn't be hard to convince Jean that Marco didn't want Jean in his life anymore. But why should Jean listen to Marco now? "Yeah I'm sure there's plenty of things he knows about you that you don't want me to hear." Jean thought about changing out of his t-shirt and pajama pants, but he just wanted to leave. Why should he care if people thought he looked indecent?

Making sure he got his phone and wallet, Jean left the room quickly and headed downstairs. He grabbed a re-usable shopping bag and shoved his clothes inside, scaring one of the cats. It was too dark to know which one it was, and he wished he could apologize. The cats had nothing to do with his anger, but cats don't speak English anyway. When Jean was looking for the car keys he could hear Marco coming down the stairs, "Jean please don't go!" It didn't matter how much Marco said he cared or that he loved Jean, it wasn't an excuse for what he had said. 

Forcing his feet into his shoes, not caring that they were on the wrong feet, Jean finally found the keys and stomped towards the door. He didn't want to hear any more crap, but Marco didn't want Jean to leave again. What if he was going to see Armin? "You can't take my car!" Oh, so now it was  _Marco's_  car? Jean scoffed and dropped the keys, "Fine, I'll call a cab." Marco needed Jean to stay... "Wh-where are you going?!" Jean rolled his eyes and checked to see if he had his spare house keys, "None of your business." Jean was just going to stay at a hotel, but Marco thought otherwise. Jean didn't have friends. No one liked Jean. Jean didn't like anyone either. If he was going to see anyone, it would be Armin. 

"Are you going to see Armin? Are... Are you cheating on me with him?" Marco had to ask, he just  _had_  to. Armin was good at listening to other people's problems, so it could be easy to convince Jean to sleep with him. After all, that's how Marco cheated in the first place. But Jean looked disgusted and furious. " _Fuck you!_ " Jean wanted to throw his keys at Marco's face, but he had more sense than to do that. Instead he kicked the side table to make it fall over, before opening the door and slamming it on his way out. 

He walked until he was far enough away that if Marco had decided to follow him, he wouldn't find him now. Jean pulled out his phone and called a taxi, just like he had planned. Staying at a hotel for a few days wouldn't be so bad, especially if it was a good one. He knew there were some down the road by his job, so he could probably walk to and from work every day. But Jean felt like he wasn't in his own body anymore. Waiting for the taxi, getting in it, telling the driver where to go, it was like he wasn't really there. His mind was stuck thinking about what Marco had said. It was Jean's fault that Marco decided to cheat? No one would care if Jean died? Whoever Marco slept with was a better person than Jean? 

Yet, Marco still loved him and cared? What kind of logic was that? Jean was wishing that Marco didn't care, and didn't love him. Then it would be easy for Marco to break up with him, wouldn't it? Jean could accept that he was a failure of a person then. There were seven billion people in the world, it made sense that there were mistakes and failed excuses for human beings in the mix. Jean's parents never wanted him, so maybe that explained why he was a mistake. His parents tried their best to be good parents, but some people just weren't meant to be parents. When they kicked him out, Jean didn't even try and ask if he could stay. They never loved him, they didn't care that he would essentially be alone without a job or money. It didn't bother him at all. 

Jean paid the taxi driver, and walked towards the hotel slowly. He felt like he was in his own body again, but that might have been a bad thing. Now that he was starting to think about how awful his life was. Marco said he cared, and that hurt a lot more. Marco hurt him more in a few months than Jean's shitty parents had in eighteen years, yet  _Marco_  was supposedly the one who cared? Jean took out his wallet and handed the woman at the desk his credit card, "I need a room for tonight." He didn't know that he looked absolutely mortified, but the woman certainly noticed. "You look like you need a drink. Or you're just crazy. I don't usually get the crazies on a Wednesday night, at least not until one in the morning." 

Crazy? Jean just held his hand out and waited for the woman to give him a key. The woman sighed, "I guess it's one a.m. somewhere." She dropped a key and the credit card into Jean's hand and focused on her computer monitor, as if Jean wasn't even there anymore. Jean checked the key for the room number, and started walking again. Jean had first realized that he was a useless person when he was ten. The topic of careers had come up in class, and when the teacher asked him what he wanted to do when he got older, Jean had nothing to say. What did he want to do when he got older? He had no idea. 

When the teacher asked him again, asking if he wanted to be a doctor or liked animals, Jean said he didn't like anything. The third time the teacher asked, she asked him what Jean wanted to do for other people. And he said he didn't care about other people. His teacher took him outside of the classroom and told him that he shouldn't be disrespectful to other people by saying he didn't care, and that if he actually wanted to live later on in life then he'd need to learn to stop being so selfish. Since then he had very low expectations for everything. Jean unlocked the door to the room and dropped his bag once he got inside. It was a standard and boring room, nothing he would be remembering when he left. 

The first thing Jean ever said to Marco was when they were in middle school at lunch and Jean said 'I think your freckles look fucking stupid.' He remembered because for the rest of the year, Marco would cover his face if Jean stared at him too long. Most of his classmates just told Marco to leave Jean alone, since Jean was  _always_  rude and it wasn't going to change. Jean wished Marco had listened to everyone else. But no, Marco had to be Jean's friend. Had to be the person that stopped Jean several times from doing something that would get him expelled. Marco had to be the person that pulled Jean away from fights with people whose girlfriends he supposedly insulted. Marco just  _had_ to be the first person Jean ever kissed. 

Before Jean was kicked out, he had invited Marco over several times. His parents really liked Marco, and they thought Marco would be a good influence. Jean remembered sometimes when Marco would go home, his parents would ask why he couldn't be more like Marco. They would ask things like 'Why does that sweet boy even bother with you?'. Things like, 'I hope you don't bully that poor kid.' Awful things like, 'You could learn a thing or two about respect from him.' Things that made Jean lock himself in his room and glare at the ceiling until he fell asleep. 

What was worse was when Jean would visit Marco's house. Marco's parents didn't talk to Jean much after the first couple of years of knowing him. They found out pretty quickly that Jean had an 'attitude problem', and like Jean's own parents they thought Marco would be a good influence. But time went on and they started to think Jean was a  _bad_  influence. They stopped letting Marco invite him over for a while. One time Marco brought Jean home anyway, and his parents had a cow. They said 'You know what we told you, that boy is a trouble maker and you have better friends to spend time with. His own parents hate him.' That was when Jean was fifteen, and he got so mad that he broke one of their windows and started crying. Back then, he didn't want to believe his parents hated him, he just thought they hated his attitude. 

Jean sat down on the full size bed and stared at the door, not realizing his phone was ringing. Why was this happening? Marco promised Jean that he'd never say anything like their parents or teachers said, and he kept that promise pretty well until this year. He felt so angry at Marco for it. Marco  _knew_  that Jean was a shitty person from the start, and now, eleven years later, he's reminding Jean of it? Marco forced himself into Jean's life, and now he was ruining all that work, _eleven years_  of it, by cheating. They could have solved their issues if Marco never cheated.  

For Marco to accuse Jean of cheating was awful. He would never cheat on Marco. What a joke. And with Armin? Never. Armin was blond, for one. Jean never really liked blond hair. Armin also looked like a girl, and maybe Armin actually  _was_  a girl. He still wasn't one-hundred percent sure. That and Armin was  _really_  strange, and too close to Marco for him to feel too comfortable with. The fact Marco thought that Jean would cheat on him was bad enough, but with  _Armin_? That was just insulting. Jean  _knew_  he was a bad person. But Marco said he understood, that he  _cared_ , and that he  _loved_ Jean... 

Jean rested his head in his hands and started crying, even though he had tried his best not to. If Marco thought that Jean would do something as awful as cheat on him, then he didn't want Marco to love him. If Marco thought he was that pathetic and stupid on top of everything else that made Jean a crappy person, then he felt disgusted that Marco would still love him. He scrunched himself into a ball on the bed and tried to muffle his sobbing in the sheets. Why would Marco love him? Jean  _was_  pathetic, and that much alone was proof enough that Jean didn't deserve anyone. Marco deserved better. It would have been okay if Marco never left with Jean. Jean would have been fine being homeless, maybe even dying. But this? No, Jean couldn't deal with being so worthless. 

He pulled at his hair angrily, not feeling the pain as he ripped some hair out of his head. Jean could cry forever and think about every awful thing ever said to him, every awful thing he ever did, and every possible reason he didn't deserve to be alive. But a person could only cry so much for so long while ripping their hair out and digging their fingers into their skin so hard they started to bleed, before they tired themselves out. It took a long time, but eventually Jean did tire himself out. He was sniffling and still sobbing, and he certainly hadn't stopped thinking about how much he hated himself for what Marco thought of him. His phone never stopped ringing, and he was upset that it wouldn't stop. The longer it rang, the harder it would be for him to finally fall asleep, not that he was trying to. But he was so exhausted, and now that he had stopped crying he could feel the pain in his head. He just wanted it to stop- for  _everything_  to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're sad. I know I am.  
> *still dancing*  
> You can blame Dani for the crying. I didn't want Jean to cry but she said she really wanted Jean to cry so I made him cry. (◡‿◡✿)  
> Next chapter's gonna be good I can feel it in my bones.


	11. Who's Paranoid Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco just wants to know where Jean is, that's all.  
> Armin just wants to be left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I was really happy to post this, since I got it done a week ago. This is kind of irrelevant but you know Ownly-Lownly's LAD fic that just updated? Wow like, why even bother reading my fic? LAD is just so amazing like GOD I don't even feel like writing this anymore. 
> 
> Anyway, originally this chapter was 7k words long but I cut in half that way next week's chapter will DEFINITELY be posted on time while giving me time to write chapter 13. So I'm sorry for the crappy end to the chapter. It wasn't supposed to end there originally. I'm liking that the quality in my chapters and the fact I KNOW what I'm going to be doing for the next chapters is very calming. You have no idea how much I freak out about shitty chapters or fillers. This chapter may seem short and stupid but I think it's pretty decent.

Relationships fell apart so easily once you got the ball rolling. If you cheated, you were supposed to expect that theoretical ball to already be half-way down whatever dumb metaphorical slope you think of. Because f you cheated, your relationship must not have been all that great at the time. Cheating was kind of a stupid thing to do; Lying about it was even dumber. If you have the audacity to do it several times, don't be so stupid as to get  _caught_. Expect your relationship to be over if you do all three. Marco was lucky that there were exceptions to every rule, since it couldn't end unless he was the one to say it was done with. In a way, he had found the perfect person to love him because of that.

Marco made dozens of calls to Jean the previous night, and he didn't stop for at least an hour. He knew that Jean wouldn't really  _leave_  him, so where did Jean go? That's when he tried calling Armin, to see if that's where his boyfriend had actually gone. If Marco knew where Armin lived, he would have driven there himself. Armin never answered his calls either, which shouldn't have worried him since it was almost midnight and any normal person with work the next day would be asleep. If Jean didn't come back at some point during the night or call, then Marco didn't know what he would do. Which, considering Jean took spare clothes, was probably not going to happen.

This resulted in Marco staying up for another four hours waiting in his living room, hoping that Jean would just come back. Every time Marco thought about what he had said, he wished he could do it over. Nothing came out the way he wanted it to. Jean didn't understand what Marco was trying to say, and maybe that was because they were both tired. Or maybe it was because Armin said something to Jean that he shouldn't have. The Saturday that Jean left and came back hours later with just a coffee machine, Marco had called Armin and asked what he was supposed to do about Jean's secrecy. Armin  _lied_ , and said that he had no idea what Jean could have been doing all day.

If they were talking to each other, then Armin could have been lying to Jean the whole time. Armin was supposed to be helping Marco, not spending time with Jean behind his back. Jean said he would never cheat on Marco, but things could have changed, couldn't they? Marco had never thought of cheating before, but Armin had convinced him it would be okay, and so it happened. But there were more reasons for Marco to worry about Jean spending time with Armin than just the fact that Armin could honestly convince nearly anyone to have sex with him. Marco wasn't lying when he said that Jean couldn't trust what Armin said. 

Everything in Marco's life was going so wrong and it was completely, and entirely,  _Armin's_  fault. Of course Marco willingly slept with Armin, he knew that he was to blame for at least half of it. But it was still Armin that had convinced him that everything would be fine. Then Armin had to meet Jean, and everything got worse from there. Jean had gotten so upset that Tuesday morning. Then Armin had to slap Marco  _so hard_  that Jean noticed it later, and Marco had to tell him the truth. Armin had to meet Jean  _again_  and talk to him? And exchange  _phone numbers_  with him? There was nothing okay with any of it. If Jean really was cheating on him with Armin, then Marco would be at a loss. If both people in a relationship were stupid enough to cheat, lie about it, and do it several times, then how could you even call it a 'relationship' anymore?

-

When did he fall asleep? Marco stared at his phone until his eyes adjusted, and was disappointed to see that he had no missed calls. By the looks of it, Jean hadn't come back some time while Marco was sleeping either. It was a quarter past noon, "Late for work..." With Jean gone, Marco shouldn't be worried about work at all. But Armin didn't answer the phone and the only other place he could talk with him was at work. Marco didn't know the exact schedule Armin had, since Armin would take any hours he could get. Noon on a Thursday? Chances were that if Marco left now, he'd at least be able to catch Armin either coming in or leaving for his lunch break. 

Marco didn't shower or brush his teeth, he just changed and fixed his messy hair before leaving. He didn't want to look like a mess, even though he had gone to work with a worse appearance. If he looked stressed, then Armin would use that to his advantage and try to avoid the main point, focusing more on Marco instead. There were two things that could happen; Either Armin had been with Jean last night and that would mean Jean was probably cheating, making their relationship over. Or, Jean didn't meet with Armin last night and Marco would feel very tempted to call the police. Yes Jean was twenty-three and could take care of himself, but Marco needed to know that Jean was  _somewhere_  and not on the street. 

Honestly, Marco would rather Jean be cheating and having spent the night with Armin rather than him wandering the streets. There would always be some way that he could fix things with Jean, he didn't want the love of his life to be alone and unhappy. As long as he could get Jean to be happy again, then things would be okay. Why did Armin have to exist? Marco didn't really hate people, but he really hated everything that Armin was doing. Why else would Armin spend time with and talk to Jean behind Marco's back if it wasn't because he was doing something he shouldn't? 

There were plenty of things Marco could think of to say as he made his way through the building towards Armin's desk. But instead of bombarding Armin with accusations, he'd start of with something less confrontational. "Why haven't you answered your phone?" Marco said it as calmly as possible, hoping that Armin wouldn't notice how stressed he really was. Armin put down the sandwich that he seemed to be about to take a bite out of, "Yeah I woke up and I had like a bunch of missed calls from you. Did you really think that I'd be up? If it's really important then you should have been smart enough to call earlier. Now I'm trying to eat my lunch so, if you don't mind could you give me some space?" 

No, Marco could  _not_  give Armin any space. "It's about Jean." Armin didn't seem surprised and he started to eat his food without giving Marco any acknowledgement. "Armin I got into an argument with him again last night." It was clear now that Armin was going to waste his lunch break, talking about Jean. This wouldn't be the first time either. He swallowed and sighed, "Yeah, I guessed that. He gets upset over the tiniest little things, huh?" If Marco wasn't so worried, he would have noticed the small smile that appeared on the blond's face. 

"Yes but last night wasn't just a 'small thing'! He left last night and he hasn't come back or even contacted me. Do you know where he is?" Marco was praying that Armin knew, or had at least spoken to Jean at some point last night. But as expected, Armin pretended he was ignorant. "Why would I know where he is?" Marco could understand why Jean hated lies so much. When you knew the truth, or at least some of it, being lied to was incredibly insulting. "I know you two have been talking and spending time with each other, okay? He told me last night." Armin suddenly looked very surprised, but Marco kept talking. Though he lowered his voice so he wouldn't cause a scene, "I need to know whether or not you've been sleeping with him."

If looks could  _kill_... It took Armin a moment to calm himself down enough so that when he opened his mouth a string of insults wouldn't pour out. "First off, what kind of  _slut_  do you think I am?" Armin didn't like it when people implied he slept around. "Secondly, do you  _really_ , and I mean do you  _really_ think that Jean would cheat on you? I know you two are going through something but why would he cheat? And with  _me_? He doesn't like me in that sort of way. I'm your friend in case you have forgotten, I wouldn't screw your boyfriend behind your back!" Armin kept his voice low too, but the anger and disgust in his voice was very clear. 

Marco was actually frightened to hear Armin like that, and to see him glare like he was one second away from physical violence. But he knew that Armin wouldn't risk his job just to get some personal satisfaction. Marco looked down, "I don't know anymore. He's been so different ever since I told him, and you both lied to me." He looked up and crossed his arms, meeting Armin's death glare, "And you've slept with half the people you know. Don't play dumb, we both know it'd be too easy for you to seduce someone that's an emotional wreck into a hotel room."

Armin's face scrunched up in disbelief at the exaggerated truth that Marco was using. "I'll ignore  _that_ , since I can obviously tell you're pretty upset about Jean leaving. I haven't known Jean for that long, and half of what I know about him is from you... But I think he loves you a lot more than you love him. Whatever you said to him to make him leave, you need to let it go. Accept that you screwed up and that he clearly wants some space. I've avoided talking about you to him all this time, I let him choose whether or not you knew that I was trying to be his friend." 

Suddenly Armin's cell-phone started ringing, and Marco lifted his head up to see if he could read the caller ID. "Who is that?" It wasn't really his place to ask, but if it was Jean calling then it would have been justified. Armin just sighed and answered it, turning his chair around so that he didn't have to look at Marco.  _The nerve of some people._  Armin did feel bad that he had started what was seeming to be the end of Marco's relationship with Jean, but it wasn't like he didn't give Marco advice whenever he was asked for it. Marco rarely did as Armin had advised him, and now  _this_  was happening.

When Armin hung up and turned around, Marco asked again, "Who was that?" It didn't matter how stressed, nervous, or worried Marco was, he had no right to dig his nose where it didn't belong. "It's none of  _your_  business. Do you harass Jean with every phone call he gets? Oh yeah that's right, he doesn't get phone calls! I wonder why that is? Oh now I remember, you tell everyone he's an awful person so no one wants to talk to him!" Armin was still keeping his voice down, but he was very close to losing it. He was very sick of Marco's relationship issues, but at least it was a good reminder not to sleep with people you work with. Or your friends. Or people who were taken. 

Marco's jaw dropped slightly, probably shocked that Armin had accused him of purposely making Jean a shut-in. But he seemed more focused on the phone-call rather than Armin's sass. "It was Jean, wasn't it?" No, it hadn't been Jean. "If it were then I wouldn't have answered. It's none of your business, so drop it." His lunch break would be ending soon, but Armin guessed that he wouldn't be able to get Marco to leave in time for him to finish eating. For some reason, Marco was hellbent on knowing where Jean was. It was funny, since Marco used to tell people that it had been  _Jean_  who was obsessive and rude. "You would only hide who it was if it was someone you shouldn't be talking to! What did he say to you?" His voice was getting louder unintentionally. 

This was not something that Armin wanted to deal with. "You need to calm down, and either work or go home. It wasn't Jean that I just talked to, but you're worried over nothing! He's probably at a hotel or something, or I don't know, at work? Listen to me- he loves you, he'll eventually come crawling back to you asking for sex like you say he always does after you two argue." Why couldn't Marco just go away for once? Pile his problems onto one of his other friends? Then Armin remembered that everyone else's solutions were for Marco to leave Jean.

"Then tell me who it was, and I'll leave." It seemed like it was an empty promise, but Armin really wanted to be left alone. "Annie." Dead silence. Out of the many reasons  _why_  Marco had told Jean not to trust Armin,  _Annie_  was one of them. Marco looked almost disappointed in a way, "Oh, really? Annie? What would Jean think if he knew you were spending time with someone like  _Annie_?" It disgusted Armin to hear Marco try and hold something over him like that. 

Armin got out of his chair, "He'd never speak to me again. But it wouldn't be as bad what he would do if  _I_  was the one to tell him that the person you cheated on him with, was  _me_. Either way, Jean won't speak to me ever again, so I have nothing to lose. But  _you_  do. He wouldn't trust you again if I had to be the one to say it. So go ahead and tell him all about Annie, I don't care." Annie was the type of person that Jean would be repulsed by, to make things simple. But it was stooping pretty low to try and use Annie as a way to put Armin under stress, and that annoyed him. Marco looked at the floor again, frowning, "Okay I won't tell him anything about Annie. I need to be the person to explain everything to Jean. You're right, if I don't tell him then he might... Please just, call me if he talks to you?" 

Did Marco really think he could try and blackmail Armin, then just say sorry, and expect him to just forgive him and keep him notified on Jean's whereabouts? It annoyed Armin, until he thought about it and understood that Marco would do anything to know that his boyfriend was okay. Maybe they were  _both_  kind of obsessively in love and attached to each other. Curse Armin's soft spot for that kind of nonsense. "Fine, now I told you who called me, so leave." Armin's lunch break was officially over, and he didn't want to be caught 'slacking off'. Though as expected, Marco wasn't exactly done. "I don't know why you're talking to Annie again, but..." He actually sounded sincere, "As your friend, you know, ignoring all of my relationship problems, don't do what she wants." 

_Everyone_  that knew Annie also knew that if Annie called you, she wanted something for herself. No one liked Annie, and Annie hated everyone else. In a way, she was kind of like  _Jean_. Except there were actual reasons to stay away from Annie, and Jean was just a harmless, awkward, blunt, clumsy, cute...  _Whatever_. Armin didn't really know how to explain it right, but Jean wasn't such an unlikable person if you got to know him. With Annie, the more you got to know her, the worse she got. Complete opposites but kind of the same. Another thing they both had in common was that Armin liked them both even if very few other people did.  _Such a special little snowflake you are_. Or maybe Armin just had low standards for people... That was probably the case. And Marco seemed to be really determined to prove they weren't good people. It made sense for Marco to not like Annie, but it was sickening how much crap he talked about Jean. 

"You kind of lost the right to talk to me about Annie when you accused me of being a shameless whore. You know you're not that great of a person. You try too hard to make things work with people but you just hurt them instead while trying to make them see things  _your way_. Go worry about Jean and pity yourself in your office or something. Don't come to me about your stupid relationship problems again if you value our  friendship." Armin put his phone in his pocket and picked up the remnants of what was supposed to be his lunch. "It's no wonder Jean ran off." It was all Armin said, or rather spat out like acid, before walking away to throw the food in the trash. 

  
He wasn't going to tell Marco  _anything_  if Jean really called. Armin was  _done_  trying to help Marco get his personal life back in order. He wasn't just going to nod and do as he was told when Marco wouldn't listen to any of the advice Armin gave him. Especially not when it was to help Marco drag Jean back home- and to what? To get into another argument again and then call Armin asking for advice?  _No thanks_. Armin was so tired of that endless cycle. Why was it so hard to just be friends with Jean and ignore the fact that he was Marco's boyfriend? Why couldn't Marco just accept that he was in the wrong and that Jean wouldn't bug him so much if he just let him have space, or  _friends_  for that matter. Things would be so much better that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though have you read LAD?! Ugh god I'm sorry I shouldn't be talking about it here. But while you look at this chapter and think "wow this was underwhelming" just think about how wonderful LAD is!
> 
> Next chapter I really really am proud of. I'm so excited for next week when I get to post it.


	12. Nail Polish, Waxing, and Sexual Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin with a cute smile, maybe even a few things that are illegal...  
> These things are why Marco doesn't want Jean to be around Armin.  
>  _At all._  
>  **Ever.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I BET YOU'VE BEEN WONDERING FOR A LONG TIME WHAT THE PROSTITUTION TAG IS THERE FOR!  
> Is Jean going to become a hooker? No.  
> BUT YOU'RE GONNA LEARN TODAY!  
> I hope you like Armin because neither Jean or Marco are actually in this chapter.

It was like a gift that Annie had called. She could make Armin feel better about almost anything with her experience in life; Stupid gay men having a lover's spat would be just another weekday for her. He would definitely have to ask what to do next time he wanted to get away from Marco's constant  _whining._  Something that didn't involve too much conversation or physical contact. He normally wouldn't have such bitter thoughts about Marco complaining, but after being insulted, harassed, and actually blackmailed, Armin was finding it hard to be very understanding of Marco's problems. 

That was why he was standing outside of Annie's door now. He had walked the whole way since it gave him some time to calm down, plus it would save him money. Not time or energy, but why waste the money he needed? It was nice outside during the evening when it was summer. It was warm, but not hot since the sun was setting. Why couldn't Marco and Jean just calm down like the weather did? No, instead they had to  _argue_  at night? Arguing when it's late about your crappy relationship due to lies and cheating when you're tired was just the definition of stupid. People like to say that women are complicated, but men have their own special idiotic qualities too. 

Marco's quickly failing relationship was a good example as to  _why_  Armin didn't date much, or put much effort into it. There were so many problems with relationships, and cheating was like a land mine that would mess everything up if you touched it. It was a learning experience for everybody, he guessed. Now Armin knew not to screw friends that happened to be in a very happy, nearly perfect relationship. Marco could whine all he wanted about how much his love-life was falling apart, it wasn't supposed to be Armin's problem. 

The original deal was that they'd sleep together  _once_  and never speak about it again to anybody. Then Marco could have pretended he never cheated at all, and Jean wouldn't have ever found out, and Armin could do whatever he wanted without any guilt. Even better, he could do  _whoever_  he wanted without feeling bad, now that he knew what kinds of people he shouldn't get in bed with. But Marco had to screw everything up when he had called Armin another day, asking if they could do it again. 

  
Not having guilt was one of Annie's best and worst qualities, and Armin really wished he could be like her sometimes. Even as Annie opened the door, she looked like she couldn't care less with her grey sweatpants and an old purple tank top. It was like it didn't matter that Armin was there at all, and she didn't say anything either; No 'hello' or 'how are you doing'. Maybe she was annoyed with how late Armin was. "Hey, Annie. Sorry I took so long, I had to work the rest of my shift and then I thought it would be nice if I just walked all the way here." Armin didn't really have to explain himself, since Annie wasn't the type that cared about tiny details, but he felt the need to be polite with her. "I need you to help me with work." But of course, she was getting straight to the point as always.

Armin closed the door behind him and started to take his shoes off, "I don't know if I can do that..." Any of Annie's 'work' that she asked for Armin's help with was illegal nine times out of ten. Armin knew that if he got caught doing something sketchy then he would probably lose his job, and he needed the money. "I don't plan on getting arrested any time soon." Roughly a year ago, Armin would have agreed to help without question. He used to owe Annie a lot, and instead of paying her back in money, he helped her get away with breaking the law. Armin wasn't proud of it, but he wasn't exactly ashamed either. He never did anything  _terrible_ , it was mostly just lying to the police and hiding proof that would get Annie locked up. No one ever got hurt, or at least, Armin wasn't the one doing the hurting.

Annie grabbed a small box off her coffee table and held it up; it was full of nail polish, "I meant with my nails."  _Ohhh_. One time out of ten it wasn't illegal. It had been so long that Armin forgot that Annie needed to look physically appealing to get her work done sometimes. It was easier to convince some people to do what she wanted by using her looks rather than brute force. Not a lot of people realized that Annie wasn't all about breaking laws and forcing people into submission. He'd known Annie since they were in high school, and he used to paint Annie's nails just for fun. Chances were that Annie didn't need someone else to paint her nails for her, and she just wanted an excuse to talk to Armin after so many months of not talking to each other. 

That was more than okay with Armin, since he really did miss it when Annie was more open to just spending time with her friends. Not that Annie really had many friends anymore, since most of them got turned away by the whole 'most of my hobbies are illegal' thing. "Sorry for assuming the worst!" He laughed and took the box from Annie, looking through it too see if she had gotten any new colors since the last time he'd painted her nails. Sadly there were only a few new cheap ones that were just tacky sparkles or silvers. "Where did your standards go?" He couldn't help smiling as Annie rolled her eyes and took the box back.

"Just paint my nails, okay?" It was not a question, but a demand. Armin was okay with being pushed around about by Annie, that was just how things were between them. He followed Annie into her bedroom, which was just big enough for her full sized bed, a small table, and a single chair. The room only had one window and a tiny closet, and the walls were a dark green that had faded over the years. One of the legs of the bed was broken and there was a stack of hard cover books in its place. The table, which also worked as a make-shift night stand, was such a pale colored wood it was hard to tell if it was fake or just old. The plastic grey chair didn't help the decor either. If only Annie would let him paint her bedroom walls or something... 

Annie set the box of nail polish on the table next to her alarm clock and pulled out the chair, then sat on her bed and put her left hand on the table. It was Armin's cue to sit down in the chair and choose a nail polish. Personally he thought that Annie looked best in purple, but none of the nail polish was the  _right_  purple. What on Earth did she do with the set of nail polish he gave her on Annie's birthday? He squinted at the writing on the bottom of the bottle he fished out, "Is... ' _Sunset Sky_ ' okay with you?" Nail polish color names were so stupid and cheesy. "You mean  _orange_?" Annie thought they were silly too, and she never referred to them as anything that had more than one word too it. There was no sky blue, dusty rose, or 'emerald shine' to her. If Armin asked which shade of color Annie was referring to, it would always be 'the  _other_  one'. 

  
Armin smiled again and opened the bottle of 'Sunset Sky' which was definitely  _not_  just 'orange', and held the first finger still. Armin's hands weren't very steady and he didn't want to mess up. With her free hand, Annie turned on the radio that was built into her alarm clock, "I heard something interesting the other day." Annie heard  _lots_  of 'interesting' things with her hobbies and 'work'. "You know I don't really care about the scandalous things police officers do, right?" None of the gossip Annie picked up from her... 'co-workers' was all that exciting to Armin. It wasn't exciting to hear about 'perfect' people being seen buying drugs and picking up prostitutes. Unless someone was murdered, it didn't really spark Armin's interest since everything else was so regular. Though there was that one time Annie said she saw their old chem teacher from high school buying meth. That was sort of interesting.

Annie shrugged with her right shoulder, "Of course not. But I did see Eren doing something he really should  _ **not**_ have been doing. I'm not going to tell you though, I promised not to." It wasn't any surprise that Eren would cross paths with Annie sometimes, but Annie wasn't exactly faithful with promises. "What was he doing?" Armin still focused on Annie's nails, making sure to paint them as perfectly as he could. Her nails were so perfect, it would be a shame if the nail polish on top of them wasn't just as appealing. "I promised I wouldn't tell you or anyone else,  _if_  he told me something just as good. Apparently some guy is  _'off limits'_  for you?" 

Damn Eren and his mouth. It wasn't a problem that Eren was chatting away about Armin's not-so-romantic desires, the problem was that he told Annie. Armin thought he could get away from petty problems by coming to Annie, and now even  _she_  was going to bug him about them. "Yeah there's a guy I wanted to have sex with but he was off limits. I'm over it. Can we, for once, not talk about sex? I wanna paint your nails and ignore sex for just  _once_. This is why I stopped talking to you Annie." Was it bad when one of your closest friends always ended up talking to you about sex? Armin guessed it was bad enough that Annie did a ton of crime, but crime wasn't as embarrassing as discussing each other's sex lives. 

"Since when has a man ever been off limits to  _you_?" Annie made a sound that just seemed like some form of choked breathing, but it was actually just the closest thing she got to laughing. Armin wasn't ashamed to admit that he never really cared if someone was taken or they weren't into guys or if they were under the age of eighteen;  _No one_  was really off limits for him, not with how convincing he had learned to be. Not that Armin had dared touch a seventeen year old in a long time. "Trust me, Annie, this one's very off limits for me." Annie got bored easily when she had to do some prying over something, so she didn't ask again. Armin hoped it would stay that way. 

Why couldn't everyone be like Annie? Minus the being a criminal part, she wasn't too nosy, she got to the point, and she made the time to talk to what few friends she had. Armin knew it was a bad thing to admire someone that did so much illegal crap, didn't keep promises if she gained from exploiting them, and only wanted to talk to you if she got something out of it. So Annie wasn't society's picture perfect example of a 'good person', but why should that matter? He didn't care if Annie has done enough crime to earn her at least a dozen years in prison, Annie was a good person in his eyes. Painting her nails was relaxing, why should it matter if she needed them painted so she looked more appealing when trying to scam someone?

Annie's left hand was done, and she looked at it for a moment before nodding her head towards the door, "Wipe the sour look off your face and go get me a beer." Armin didn't realize he had a 'sour' look on his face, but it was probably because he was so wrapped up in his thoughts. "Okay." He scooted out of the chair and started walking out, trying to remember which way it was to her kitchen. Annie's apartment was a fairly large building, made up of four different but small apartments. It used to be crowded with people that needed a quiet place to sleep or do drugs, but she called the police on them all and bought the building herself. She certainly didn't need so much space, and in half of the building she still hadn't been able to get rid of the awful smell of... whatever it smelled like. 

Home was where the heart was, maybe? Annie did seem to enjoy her apartment, even if it was on the quiet side of town, far from where she 'worked'. Armin wanted to be as content with his life as Annie was with hers. Annie didn't live in a nice place, but she chose to be there. She chose to do illegal things, not because she needed to, but because she wanted to. She went and partied, drank alcohol, and sex whenever she felt like it. If Annie wanted something she'd have it, and there was never any regret. Armin would do a lot to be able to live with himself in that kind of lifestyle, but he'd been raised a lot differently.

If Armin was more like Annie, then he wouldn't be dealing with Marco's stupid relationship problems. He'd have had sex with Marco, and not bothered listening to any of his complaints about his relationship. Armin might have even tried to convince Jean to...  _No_  he wasn't going to think about that. If he were like Annie he would think about that, but he couldn't do it. Armin thought about grabbing a drink for himself but decided on a glass of water rather than a bottle of beer. He was never a very big fan of alcohol anyway.

"I haven't been here in so long I thought I'd have trouble getting to the fridge." Armin said as he walked back into the room. Annie grabbed the bottle and opened it with her unpainted hand, tossing into the corner where a few other bottle caps had been abandoned to collect dust. She switched her hands, waiting patiently for Armin to proceed painting her nails. Silence like that would probably make some people nervous or awkward, but Armin had gotten used to it a long time ago. Instead of bothering her with anything else that wasn't important, Armin sat down again and begun coating Annie's seemingly perfect nails again. 

They listened to the radio and drank in silence until Armin finished with the second hand. Annie examined Armin's work for a while, twisting her wrist to get some air on the quickly drying polish. "Good. Now take my pants off." Armin was very confused. "Excuse me?" It was a strange thing to demand, even for Annie. "I'm not going to mess up my nail polish taking them off myself. Go grab me my waxing kit while you're at it." Oh  _waxing_. The definition of 'beauty is pain', supposedly. While most sane women shaved, a large amount liked the idea of ripping their hair out along with a layer of skin. 

Armin shook his head, but he sat down on the floor and started yanking at the bottom of Annie's sweat pants until they were completely off. Thank goodness Annie was wearing underwear, though it would have been a good idea to ask about that beforehand. The bathroom was right across from Annie's bedroom, he remembered that. Wax kits, or at least Annie's preference, were like giant band-aids. You put it on, rubbed it a little, then you were supposed to peel it off all at once.  _All at once_. Why would anyone want to do that? 

"My nails still aren't dry, so you do it." Annie ordered, taking a sip of her beer as if this was a daily thing for them. When Armin took the first rectangular paper and pressed it onto Annie's leg, he breathed out shakily. Every time he saw someone get waxed he could almost feel the pain in his own head. He yanked the paper off and flinched at the awful sound it made. Was there any blood? Did he miss a small section of hair? "Stop looking at my leg like that, it's creepy." Armin looked up at Annie and laughed, "I just thought I might have ripped too many layers of skin off and you'd be bleeding. I'll be calm next time."

Annie set her beer down and turned the radio up when she realized Armin was going to gasp in shock every time he peeled the strips off. She leaned back on her bed, letting her legs hang off the side, and patiently waited for Armin to finish. Annie kind of missed it when Armin would help her with her 'work'. One thing she remembered them doing often was lying to the police if they were suspicious of something. Armin would say that he was Annie's brother and that they were just walking home, and because they looked so alike and Armin looked so innocent, the excuse always worked and the police would move on. The amount of cash that Annie had been hiding the whole time slipped by them because, who would suspect a quiet kid walking 'home' with his even quieter 'big sister' to be doing something wrong?

Things got a lot harder when Armin stopped helping. At first she wanted to blame Armin for being scared, but it wasn't  _just_  Armin's choice. Eren and Mikasa didn't want him doing anything close to Annie's little hobbies, and honestly, Armin should have stopped helping a long time ago. There were occasions where Armin did get hurt or genuinely scared, and though it was mostly minor injuries there were a couple of rare times that Armin had gotten pretty messed up. Annie asked Armin to come back for just small things, and a few months ago he did. But it ended badly for Armin when Annie hadn't bothered to pay attention to what was going on. All Armin would be willing to do to help was painting her nails and, for tonight, waxing her legs.

"I'm done!" Armin sounded both proud and freaked out at the same time as he stood up with a wad of wax and hair covered papers in his hands. When he turned back around, Annie grabbed his shoulders and effortlessly shoved him onto the bed, "When was the last time  _you_  waxed your legs?" The question made Armin's eyes go wide with terror, but Annie didn't care as she grabbed Armin's legs and started to pull his pants off. Armin struggled, "I swear I just sh-shaved my legs like a month ago- I don't need waxing!" He couldn't sit up and he couldn't twist his body without hurting himself, so it was just awkward flailing from his legs and failed attempts to lean on his arms. 

Finally, Annie had gotten the pants half-way between Armin's knees and ankles; just enough room for her to take some hair off. Before Armin could sit up and try to get his pants back on, Annie had pushed him down again and slapped the wax strip on. Armin gasped, now no matter what he'd have to peel it off eventually. Annie rubbed the paper strip, and was about to pull it off, but Armin shrieked, " _Annie_   ** _plea_** -" Too little too late. It hurt just like you'd expect a band-aid to, but worse, and on a larger area. Armin whined into one of Annie's pillows in defeat, but the pain was fading. He had made his final choice that,  _yes_ , women went to great lengths for beauty and he would always appreciate smooth legs on females. Even if Annie had gotten used to waxing it was still a dumb,  _painful_  method, and only someone incredibly dedicated to looking good would actually do it willingly.

Annie felt the patch of skin on Armin's leg that was now very smooth, "You'll be fine, it was just a little bit of hair getting taken out." Armin sighed into the pillow and scrunched his legs up, wondering if he should leave. That is until he felt Annie put  _another_  waxing strip on him. "What are you doing?!" He sat up and stared in disbelief, fearing the awful pain that was sure to come. Annie put her finger on Armin's chest, "Tell me about how that guy's off limits, and I'll show you the trick to getting these off without it hurting. They're not a kid are they?" Armin started asking about ages around the time he turned twenty-one, and he realized he could get charged with rape if he touched a seventeen year old. Annie really was interested in how someone could possibly be off limits.

  
Armin made a sound that was between a growl and a sigh, "He's older, he's taken, and he just wouldn't do it!" That should have been enough, right? "Why, are they only into girls? You've sweet talked straight, committed men into bed before, why should this time be any different?" This was just embarrassing. Why did everyone want to know about Armin's attraction to  _one guy_? "Annie, seriously, stop. He's not into girls either, just let it go." He'd yell at Eren when he got home, and then question him about what was so important to hide that he had to gossip with Annie. 

"Do they have an STD?" Armin wished Annie didn't look so serious, like this was somehow life changing. If Eren had been asking these questions then Armin could just push him away or laugh it off. "What? No! I mean, I don't think so... Why do you care so much?!" He shouldn't have asked that, because the next thing he felt wasn't the wax strip being taken off, but Annie's knee roughly getting shoved onto Armin's crotch. "Because you don't just have dreams about anybody, and if they'd make you happy," She pressed down harder-  _God_  she was getting aggressive, "I'd like to convince them that they shouldn't be 'off limits' to you at all." 

Then Annie reached for the wax strip, and Armin did  _not_  want to feel that pain again. "It's Marco's damn boyfriend, okay?! Marco's stupid little innocent boyfriend! The one he claims is an asshole that hates everybody and can't stand lying and is attached and committed? Yeah well he's  _not_  an asshole! He's  _really_  sweet and funny and he's cute when he's nervous and clumsy and really attractive and he's really lonely but he won't have sex with me because he's too loyal to  _Marco_!" Armin had no idea when or why he'd gotten so angry as he ranted, but it had satisfied Annie. "So he won't come onto you, but if he did...?" Armin rolled his eyes, "If he did then I'd be a very happy,  _terrible_  person that doesn't know when to give up!"

He was honestly very frustrated that Jean was off limits. There were more reasons that he couldn't just screw Jean and check it off his to-do list, but Annie didn't need to know any more than that. Annie didn't need to know that Armin refused to make a move because Jean would probably get scared off and be left without anyone to talk to but Marco. Annie didn't need to know that Armin was trying his best to keep Jean and Marco together by  _not_  sleeping with either of them because he still had a conscience. Annie  _did not_  need to know that Armin liked Jean... Really  _liked_  Jean and wanted to be friends with him, not just have a stupid one night stand with him like he'd had with Marco. Of course that one night stand ended up turning into something  _else_ , but it was supposed to be a one time thing.

Annie lifted her leg and changed her position so she was straddling Armin instead, "Marco's just been a shit load of trouble for you ever since you screwed him, hasn't he? He just won't leave you alone, and now you can't have what you really want because Marco's got him on a leash. That's  _cute_." Nothing was ever 'cute' with Annie. If she used the term, it was purely for sarcasm. "Jean isn't some kind of animal, Annie. He's in love, he won't cheat." There was nothing wrong with being loyal to your 'significant other', but Annie laughed a genuine laugh. It was short and small, but it was a real laugh. A really attractive one. "Like Marco loved Jean? Right, okay, suuure. Sounds to me like Jean is just an obedient little puppy waiting for a  _real_  treat." 

Armin was blushing slightly, trying to force away images that had come into his mind at Annie's very 'creative' opinion. "Well m-maybe that's not a bad thing?" He hated that he was stammering in front of, or rather  _underneath_  Annie. "Eren also happened to tell me that after you woke up from your little...  _fantasy_ , he gave you a little bit of a 'distraction'." Annie leaned down until she was almost nose to nose with Armin, who was now blushing a lot harder than before. "A bit..." Rough, sloppy, disorganized sex with your best friend was more than just 'a bit' of a distraction. "I don't really want to distract you, so how about," Annie was using her feet to kick off the rest of Armin's pants, "For the next hour, you think about  _whatever you want_?" 

The answer she got was a silent one; Armin pulled Annie down into a kiss, and it escalated from there. Annie leaned back again and started taking off her shirt, while Armin was awkwardly struggling to get his own off. He wasn't being smooth or sexy, he was just too frustrated and turned on at the same time for that kind of garbage. Annie breathed out of her nose in exasperation, though a small smile was on her face as she helped the horny mess beneath her take off his shirt and boxers. This would be very fun for her. 

Going in for another messy kiss, Annie reached her hand back and ripped off the waxing strip. Armin screamed out loud in shock, since he'd forgotten all about it in the last few moments. He recovered quickly, too needy to care much about the stinging. Too bad for him, Annie enjoyed the screaming and would make sure to make him do it again. And again and again  _and again._ It wouldn't be the first or the last time that she had sex with Armin, but she leaned down to whisper in Armin's ear, " _This one's free_." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was proud of this chapter?  
> Why was I proud of THIS chapter?  
> Because Armin's not perfect or sweet or innocent like in most fics, and this chapter proves that. I like it when Armin's not a saint, okay?  
> I'm also sorry for... Armin basically 'getting around', but, it's kind of important?  
> Lots of emotional stuff in the next chapter. Some Jean, maybe some Marco. I dunno. Depends on my motivation.
> 
> EDIT: Guys I compared Jean to an animal and it wasn't a horse can I get a medal or something?  
> 


	13. Marco Is A Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Armin has to hear one more thing about Marco, from anybody, about anything, he's going to explode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the chapter name, Marco isn't even in this chapter. But he will be in the next one. I promise.  
> This chapter is dedicated to Dani, who, from very early on, has constantly been calling Marco a bitch.  
> This was late even though I had two weeks to write it. And you wanna know why?  
> Because I'm lazy so I wrote the entire thing last night into this morning. My beta had a ball pointing out all the errors. It's also very hard to write sads when you want to write happies.

Being a whore, a slut- just sleeping around in general, was supposed to mean you were a bad person with low standards. Armin having sex with his friends, whether they were straight, taken, or a prostitute must have been enough to make him a 'whore' and a 'slut'. If that was true, then Armin didn't want to admit that he  _was_  a one. Because he'd done all three in the past few months and he had just decided to  _stop_  sleeping with his friends. And of course the next thing that he did was sleep with one of his friends. Annie was a prostitute, so sex was kind of her job, sure. But she didn't do it just because she was attractive enough or she needed the money. She was  _good_  at what people- what  _Armin_  had spent money to have her do. Though tonight, Annie had said that Armin wouldn't have to pay for what they did. Which was a good thing because Armin wasn't wasting his money on something that had been more painful than he preferred. 

Annie was sitting up straight in bed, finishing the beer she left on her small table. She was so casual about it, like there wasn't skin under her fingernails and... other things. Knowing Annie, and the fact that she was a prostitute, she probably had done more damage to people in bed than just scraping off skin. Armin didn't want to think about it, since he knew that Annie would do pretty much anything if people gave her enough money. There was no real reason that Annie should have been living her life the way she did, but it was good enough in her opinion. But that didn't have to do with everything she had done earlier. Questioning Armin's stupid sex dreams and randomly deciding to have sex with him, free of charge. Making Armin wax her legs, then forcefully waxing Armin against his will. It didn't make sense, but at least it all led to good things, right? 

Though having scratches all over your body was a down-side, but it was the trade off for a freebie. Armin sighed and finally sat up, "You were supposed to tell me how to remove the damn wax not  _seduce_  me." Annie turned to look at Armin and shrugged, "So what? I lie. And I didn't 'seduce' you, I just brought up all that sexual tension you had. Which was apparently a lot because normally it takes a lot more to get you off-" "I'm just annoyed with this kind of thing, and how I've been  _treating_  people. Like they don't mean anything besides..." Armin rolled his eyes and grabbed his phone, checking the time. Annie wouldn't care about how Armin felt, because what Armin hated was what Annie had been doing for years. Just  _using_  people and sleeping with whoever despite who they were.

"Suddenly you have all these doubts and issues with sleeping with people, it's ridiculous, Armin. Not even a year ago you would have laughed at  _me_  if I said I was tired of it." Annie examined her now empty bottle of beer with a glare, obviously not thinking much about her own words. "Well you're a prostitute, it's your job. I'm not a prostitute, so I don't have an excuse." Armin started searching the sheets for his clothes, handing Annie hers as he found them. "Why? What, did freckle-face make you feel guilty about what you did? It's not like you forced him to have sex with you, y'know." No, that wasn't it either. It wasn't anything that Marco had said to him, because Armin had had a clear conscience about it. He wasn't going to take all the blame for what Marco  _wanted_  to do. 

What good way was there to explain how he felt? Annie had no sympathy for the way Armin was behaving, and she certainly hadn't felt anything like it before. Sex was just a job to her, or a way to blow off steam. There were no consequences to it for her. "You know those shows you watch when nothing else is on? And there's just these two people that really trust each other and are so close, but then some home wrecking whore comes along and ruins it? I feel like  _I'm_  that whore." That better have been a good enough explanation, or else Armin didn't know what to do. If Annie had been like any normal person, she would be laughing at him. But instead she just patted Armin on his shoulder lightly before putting her clothes on. "So you think you're a whore. Why don't you go shower and think about how silly you sound?" 

Silly? So she didn't get it. "Annie I'm not slut shaming I'm just saying that I don't want to make things harder for everyone. Sleeping around isn't... I just don't think it's something I should be doing. It's just causing  _me_  problems." It was selfish, in a way. If Marco hadn't been constantly talking to Armin about how much things were going wrong, then Armin would have no problem with who he slept with or why. So maybe he was just a home wrecking slut, but he was willing to change so something like it didn't happen again.

Once again, it didn't satisfy Annie. "So what does that have to do with sleeping with your friends? I'm not in a relationship, and I know Eren hasn't been able to get a date since he, well,  _you know_. There's nothing wrong with having sex with people." Armin thought about it as he slid his shirt on, and realized Annie was right to question him like that. He was upset that he was sleeping around, but his excuse wasn't good enough. It wasn't like Armin didn't enjoy sleeping around, because he really did. There was so much variety to it, and when one of your closest friends is a prostitute, you learn a lot of interesting ways to have sex. There hadn't been any real downsides to it beforehand. 

"Uh... I think I'm gonna go take that shower now, actually." Armin muttered, thinking sourly about how Annie's awful shower with poor water pressure and a pathetic excuse for hot water really wouldn't help him think. Why did he even have to have a reason to be upset about it? He wasn't slut shaming, and he knew there was nothing wrong with what Annie did besides the fact it was sort of illegal. But he felt bad the more he thought about how he slept around. Armin grabbed the rest of his clothes and got out of the bed, not caring that he was nude from the waist down. He was too annoyed to think about whether or not it was embarrassing. 

As he started to take off his shirt again, he thought about how he would make sure Eren was going to pay for gossiping. Eren would be sleeping on the floor for a week once Armin got back home, for starters. Whatever he specifically told Annie was enough to get her to harass Armin about his feelings, which meant that Eren said  _way_  too much and probably exaggerated. Armin was twenty-two years old, and he was still dealing with stupid things like gossip between his closest friends. Wasn't  _that_  a good enough reason to not want to sleep around? Except for the tiny little fact that Eren had no idea who Armin had been dreaming about. Yeah Armin slept with Marco, but he met Jean because of something completely irrelevant. And Jean would still be attractive either way, so, it couldn't be a good enough excuse to use. Armin cursed himself for thinking again about how good Jean looked; he really wished he could stop. There was no way Armin was going to be able to actually see Jean naked, so he should've accepted that and stopped fantasizing.

Armin shivered when the cold water touched his skin, but it felt nice on the scratches while he waited for it to warm up. This was all just a phase that would pass if he stopped thinking about it so much, right? Jean was off-limits, their relationship would have to stay friendly and that's it. At least until Marco told Jean the truth, right? Jean probably wouldn't talk to Armin ever again, and he would be lying if he tried to say that it didn't make him kind of sad. Armin did like Jean for other reasons besides wanting to have sex. Sleeping with Marco was something he shouldn't have done, but why? Because he was taken? That didn't matter to Armin, what mattered to him now was Jean. He  _liked_  being friends with Jean, no matter how clumsy or strange the older man was. 

What was wrong with what Armin had done was that he'd screwed up the relationship between Jean and Marco; and that meant that Armin couldn't just enjoy being friends with someone that wanted to talk about their boyfriend all the time. So the reason why Armin felt it was wrong, was for mostly selfish reasons. But that's what Jean cared about the most, and Armin couldn't blame him for it. He didn't understand, but he wasn't going to criticize Jean either. Not with what he'd heard the first time they met. What kind of person is so lonely that without even telling you their last name, they'd say they haven't had friends in  _years_? Who can live with themselves for that long having no one besides their boyfriend? 

It made Armin feel like crap, since one way or the other, Jean was going to end up friend-less again soon. Though it wasn't like it would be too much of a bad thing as long as Marco got his act together and Jean forgave him, so he wouldn't be completely alone. He didn't know Jean for that long but he really did like talking to him and those few times they spent time together. Well, at least it was interesting while it lasted. It would probably be better anyway, considering Armin was the type of person that would make Jean gag. Yeah, that was it. Armin wanted there to be  _some_  reason for Jean to not hate him. Another selfish reason for wanting to change. But it wouldn't matter afterwards. Things would be fine. Armin was  _annoyed_  with Marco, and he was annoyed with Jean asking about Marco. So this was a good thing, right? Everyone kinda wins.

The 'hot' water had run out faster than Armin remembered, which meant it was time to actually start washing his body instead of staring at the shower curtain. Out of Annie's incredibly large assortment of soaps and other body care products that he wouldn't be able to name off the top of his head, he grabbed a bar of soap. It smelled sickeningly like artificial roses and he was tempted to sort through the dozens of bottles to find regular body wash, but the water wasn't going to get any warmer. What he would do to convince Annie to move somewhere different and raise her standards...

Armin rinsed the soap from his skin, hissing when the suds got into the shallow scratches from Annie's nails. He also hoped the cheap smell of the soap would go too, and he smelled his shoulder to make sure it didn't leave a lasting scent as he turned the shower off. The tiles on the bathroom floor were broken in some areas, making it a hazard waiting to happen. Though he knew the other bathrooms in the building were far worse, so as long as he watched where he was stepping he wouldn't slip. Wouldn't it be amazing if his greatest worries were slipping on Annie's crappy flooring? That's probably what Annie would worry about most if she had a legal job. 

He put his clothes back on and adjusted his shirt as he walked out of the bathroom. Annie walked out of her bedroom fully clothes with her box of nail polish in hand, "Feeling better?" Her voice sounded apathetic, like the question was just something she was obliged to ask without really meaning it. "I'm fine." Armin pushed some of his wet hair out of his face and looked closer at Annie's hands. The nail polish must not have been completely dry when they started, because a few of Annie's nails were smudged at the tips. "Crap, all that work down the drain..." He wondered if there was any nail polish on his back, or if it had washed off in the shower. Nail polish wasn't supposed to be in open skin, was it? 

Annie looked down to notice what Armin was talking about, and shrugged, "It's on the left hand, I'll fix it myself later. Come on," She walked down the hallway, opening a closet to put away her nail polishes. When she stepped back she was holding a towel. "You didn't dry your hair... you didn't dry yourself off at all, did you?" Another question that she didn't really mean. No, Armin didn't dry himself off, it was obvious. He sighed as Annie grabbed his shoulder and turned him around towards the living room, "Your hands are dirty and you want me to dry my hair with the towel you just touched?" That earned him a punch to the arm. "Sit down, smartass." Annie pushed him onto her couch, which was very uncomfortable. The stuffing in the cushions was bunched up in some places, making it lumpy. 

"Why don't you buy furniture from this decade-" Armin stopped teasing when Annie's foot was in between his legs. There would be no more sex that night, so anything suggestive Annie did wasn't going to end up benefiting Armin. "Be quiet." Annie unfolded the towel and started to violently rub down Armin's head with it. She jerked his head from side to side, for probably no good reason but to get back at Armin for disrespecting her. "When did you start sassing me so much?" Annie asked when she was done, tossing the towel to the side. What a damp, frizzy, knotted mess Armin's hair was now. He tried his best to get his hair in order, and to untangle the strands of hair, but he gave up when Annie sat next to him. "When I grew up a little?" 

That was just more sass, and Annie didn't like it. "You're not even twenty five yet and you wanna talk about 'growing up'? You've spent way too much time with freckle-face." Armin ignored her and picked up the remote to turn on the television. He'd done enough living in the past eight years, which was probably enough to satisfy what any normal person would do in their entire life. Annie grabbed a box of cigarettes off the coffee table, sliding one out of the box and holding it out. For a short moment, Armin was confused until he remembered that he hadn't told Annie yet. "No thanks, I quit." Annie shook her head as she picked up the lighter and set the cigarette tip on fire.

Leaning back into the couch and adjusting to be more comfortable, Armin tried to ignore the stare. He knew what was coming, or rather he had a very good idea of it. "When did you quit smoking? Did Mr. Perfect  convince you out of it? Do you not drink alcohol now, too? Get into any religion lately? Maybe donated all of your money to charity-" "Annie stop acting like Marco is a bad influence on me. Even if he was, you're not my mom or my sister or anything like that. For your information, I stopped smoking because I can't afford it. Not with me only working half as much as I used to." It was funny how Annie was acting like Marco was a bad influence by trying to get Armin to take care of himself more. 

Annie breathed out smoke, "And that's his fault." Sure, Marco was the person to tell Armin that working so much was bad for his health, but Armin  _chose_  to stop working all the time. It didn't even matter if Armin could afford cigarettes or not anymore, since he only smoked because he was so stressed all the time. He was stressed now, but not nearly as much as he used to be. "If Eren would just get a job then there wouldn't be any issues. And that's not  _anyone's_  fault." It was sort of Eren's fault that he couldn't get a job, but not entirely. Money was an issue and it had driven Armin to the point where he barely got sleep- So who cares if Marco was the one to make him understand that? Annie flicked her cigarette a few times, shaking her head while doing so.

It was ridiculous. Everything was ridiculous. Annie was being ridiculous, Marco was ridiculous;  _everyone is ridiculous and annoying_. "I'm sorry you and Marco have a  _stupid_  grudge against each other but I'm not a worse person because of him. I know I'm annoyed with him, but I'm just done owing him my time. Don't try and criticize me because you don't like the way Marco lives his own damn life. If you're upset because I don't talk to you as much as I used to, then be upset with me. I'm sick and tired of hearing about Marco." Armin glared at the ceiling, knowing what he was about to say wasn't just directed at Annie. 

"I would rather listen to you complain about the people you've had sex with than talk about Marco! Just stop talking about him! My life shouldn't have anything to do with him, and lately it seems like all anyone cares about is  _Marco_.  _You_  want to hear about Marco, and  _Jean_  wants to hear about Marco, Marco won't shut up for more than a few days! I'm sick of hearing Marco this and Marco that and oh Marco's not the kind of influence you should be around and blah blah blah Marco  _ **isn't**_ important!" Armin violently grabbed Annie's lit cigarette and started to smoke it himself. It would keep him from ranting, and hopefully it would calm him down. 

Though it didn't seem to upset Annie at all, in fact, she seemed almost  _happy_. "Gosh, tell me how you really feel Armin!" She lit herself a new cigarette and patted Armin on the shoulder. "You're pretty attractive when you're angry." That better have been sarcasm, because Armin wasn't in the mood for anything remotely sexual at this point. "I'm really not in the mood right now Annie, my whole day has just been a mess. I thought you of all people would leave me alone about this..." 

Annie smirked, "I had no idea that this was going to lead to Marco. I just wanted to know who it was that you had gotten so obsessed with-" "I am not  _obsessed_  with Jean, okay? So I had a wet dream about him, so what?" There was nothing obsessive about wanting to have sex with someone, not unless Armin was creating these thoughts on purpose. He really did want the dirty fantasizing and disgusting dreams to go away, but it wasn't like a light-switch where you could turn that kind of thing on and off at will. 

Annie thought about how passionate and upset Armin had been before they had sex. Armin only scoffed, "So? I mean lots of people are sweet and funny that doesn't mean I'm obsessed with them to admit it." He shook his head and breathed in the smoke of the cigarette, hoping it would end there. But no, there was more that Annie had to add on. "Clumsy and nervous and  _lonely_? And I swear, I could detect some jealousy in your voice when you talked about Marco." Jealous?  _Jealous of Marco?_  Sure Jean was attractive and had a cute personality, but, jealous of Marco? No. "I just wanted to screw Jean once and stay friends. I don't want to have a relationship with him, I mean that wouldn't... it  _couldn't_  work." 

Armin had a type, and Jean wasn't it. Though the semi vague response only interested Annie more. "Let's pretend for two seconds that Marco doesn't exist," She puffed more smoke before continuing. "What possible reason would Jean have to resist you? You know, I think he'd be pretty lucky to have you around in a more sensual way." That seemed like another sarcastic joke, and Armin hesitated making a retort. "Well why do you say that? Do  _you_  like me?" Armin's cigarette was just about done, which disappointed him. Maybe he should have asked for a full one instead of taking Annie's. "Relationships aren't my thing. But a compliment is a compliment, and to be honest with you; I think that a lost puppy without freckle-face to push them in line would really enjoy rolling around and getting dirty with  _you_."  _Again with the animal comparison?_  It made Armin imagine Jean as a small dog, and it was actually a pretty cute image. 

Though Jean was  _not_  a cute little puppy, "Jean's got different standards than you anyway. Even if Marco was out of the picture, he just wouldn't want someone like me around, okay?" What Annie had said before, about relationships not being her thing, was true. Getting relationship advice from Annie was like, getting abstinence advice from a hooker. Or bike riding lessons from a cripple. You just  _don't_. But Annie was curious now in a different way, "I thought you were friends with him or something like that? He doesn't know about you and Marco, right? Last time you talked to me about Marco you told me his boyfriend was oblivious." Armin breathed out the last of the smoke and tossed the cigarette bud in the ash tray. 

"No he doesn't know, which is another reason why it couldn't work because if he found out he'd have a cow. Jean doesn't like people who sleep around in the first place. And I've done illegal things for you and Eren, I know he's not going to be happy about that. Plus the way he acts about the whole cheating thing is just... He's  _really_  loyal, okay?" Armin could only imagine how Jean was going to react to the full truth. Maybe Jean could get over it and he wouldn't hate Armin? But that was hoping for too much. " _Oh._ " Annie sounded displeased. "So  _he's_  the reason you want to stop living your life the way you should be able to. What a shame. You'd probably be just as much of a loyal dog as he is to Marco, minus the leash."

The whole dog analogy was getting stale, and kind of creepy. "Stop comparing us to dogs, okay? So what if I want to stop sleeping around? There are more people in the world that don't like people who do that, and if I stop now then I won't have to worry about it again. Besides that, Jean just isn't my type, I don't think I'd be able to handle a relationship with him for more than a month or two. He'll be happy with Marco after they get over the bump I put in their relationship. They're in love, as stupid as that is to admit. I'm trying to get past this, so just let it go." Annie breathed out through her nose and grabbed the remote, changing the channel. "Love really is pretty stupid. You're supposed to meet someone and you're supposed to devote your life and attention to them as if they're your other half?  _Bullcrap_. Just take what you want, Armin. You may not be able to have Jean, but stop trying to compromise. But I hear you. I won't talk about it again."  _Finally_.

Armin really wanted another cigarette, but he wasn't about to get hooked on them again after he spent all that money trying to quit. He couldn't afford an addiction like Annie and Eren could. Eren didn't have a job yet somehow he always found ways to get what he needed, which pissed Armin off. "Where's my phone?" He could go harass Eren about the problems he'd caused. At least then it wouldn't be talking with someone like Annie, who insisted they knew better about what they'd never experienced. "Probably left it in my room. Get me another beer on your way back." Annie was back to apathy and demands again, thankfully. 

Of course his phone was lying on the floor in Annie's room. Hopefully it wasn't very damaged, because he would not be able to afford a new phone any time soon. He slid his thumb over to screen to feel for any scratches, but it seemed to be okay. When he unlocked his phone he saw he had four missed calls, none of which were from Marco.  _Thank God_. But checking again, he noticed they were from Jean.  _I take it back_. If there was a god then they must've thought this was funny. Should Armin call Jean? There were no voice messages, but Jean doesn't call more than twice on a weekday. Armin told him specifically that he was too busy to talk during the week. He was probably just going to talk about Marco so...

Before Armin could decide to ignore the missed calls and get on track with scolding Eren, his phone rang.  _What a warped sense of humor_. He sighed as he stared at the caller ID, conflicted again on whether or not he should talk to Jean. When they did talk over the phone, it was almost always pretty awkward since Jean never knew what to say after 'hello'. If Armin hadn't known that Jean was friendless and only had Marco as an option for conversation, then he would have ignored the call. Couldn't he get some time to talk about something that didn't relate to Marco?

Reluctantly, Armin accepted the call and held his phone to his ear, "Jean is this important? I'm not having the best day." He wasn't just going to tell Jean to leave him alone, but he had to make it clear that talking wasn't what he wanted to do. The answer from Jean was nothing but the sound of heavy breathing and an occasional sniffle. Was Jean...  _crying_? "Jean, are you okay?" Why would Jean be crying? Did he break up with Marco? No, that couldn't be possible. There were a few more seconds of the sniffling before Jean said anything, " _Would he be better off without me?_ " Obviously he was referring to Marco, but why would he ask that? 

Armin sat down on Annie's bed, guessing that the conversation he was about to have wouldn't be short. If Jean was worried about breaking up with Marco, Armin didn't know what he'd be able to say to console him. Break ups were something Armin handled very well personally, and he didn't know many other people that had teary ends to relationships. "You're talking about Marco, right? Jean I don't know why you're so upset. He loves you, really, he does-" " _ **That's** the fucking problem!_" Jean sounded absolutely livid. What the heck was his problem? That's the problem?! "What? Jean I thought you loved Marco? Why is it a problem that he loves you too?" 

There was more noise that sounded like words, but they were too quiet for Armin to understand. What was wrong with him? He knew that Jean had argued with Marco and then he left, but that was about it. "Jean where are you right now?" If he wouldn't talk about why Marco's feelings were a problem, then Armin would just beat around the bush for a while. " _Why would I tell you?! You'll just tell Marco... How can he think **that**  about me and say he still-_" Jean sniffled again, but he didn't continue finishing his sentence. "Okay, don't tell me. But I won't tell him if you decide to let me know. You know I don't tell him anything, right?" 

Pathetic, short laughter came from Jean and then he heard what sounded like paper- Maybe tissues? " _Oh I know. It's y-your fault he thinks I'm a terrible person!_ " How the hell was any of this Armin's fault? Armin did his fucking best to keep Jean and Marco together and somehow it's his fault that Marco thinks Jean's a bad person? "What are you talking about? I've told Marco plenty of times that you're not a bad person, where the hell are you getting that kind of backwards..." Armin stopped talking, trying to calm himself down before he said something that would just upset Jean more than he already was. 

" _He never knew that we were talking and he thinks I'm cheating,_ " Jean was almost too quiet for Armin to have understood, " _He thinks I'm cheating on him with **you**._ " Well that wasn't news to Armin, but it was a little shocking that Marco would have accused Jean of that directly. " _Like I'd ever sleep with **you**  of all people!_" That stung a little. Well actually a lot, but Armin didn't have time to sulk about how he was never going to have sex with Jean as if it were important. "I know that, he asked me about it. Look you just have to explain to him that you wouldn't cheat on him, I think he'll understand and apologize." He hoped that was what Jean wanted to hear.

Though by the mix of laughing and crying on the other end, it probably wasn't. " _He told me I'm worse than whatever person he cheated on me with, and you think it's okay? He would be better off i-f-ff I wasn't around... If he thinks I'm a liar and a cheater on top of everything else, then why bother? Why doesn't he just go be with the person he betrayed me for?_ " Would Marco really tell Jean that? "No! Jean just,  _stop_  for a second, okay? You're not worse than the... the  _whore_  that he slept with. You wanna know who he slept with?" There was no way Armin was going to tell Jean the full truth. That was  _Marco's_  problem. But it wouldn't do any good having Jean think he was a piece of shit.

Marco had the nerve to tell Jean that he was worse than  _Armin_? "The person he slept with was a stupid whore with nothing better to do than seduce a guy that they knew was very devoted to their boyfriend. The person Marco made the shitty choice of fucking multiple times is fucking  _trash_. You're ten times better than them. They're nothing but a cheap slut and a coward that probably just got into Marco's pants because they knew they could, and Marco was having a really bad night. But you're not worse than that in  _any way_. I don't care how rude you think you are or how much of a fuck up you consider yourself to be. Whatever Marco said, he only did it to try and convince you to stay. Because maybe he knows you're better than the person he cheated on you with, and he doesn't want you to leave him for something else." None of it was a lie, not really. Armin didn't need to hear it, but Jean certainly did.

There were some more sounds of breathing, though they were fading, but besides that Jean was silent. Armin was beginning to wonder if Jean had ended the call, but another sniffle proved him wrong. The more Armin thought about how he'd just described himself, the more he tried to convince himself it was okay with all of Annie's thoughts on it. There was nothing wrong with what he did.  _There is nothing wrong with it._  He wasn't a bad person because of what happened, because Marco wanted it. Would Jean think the same thing or- " _Armin... Do you mean all of that? Or are you lying to make me feel better? Because Marco said something to you?_ " It shocked Armin back into the conversation, and he kept his thoughts on track this time. "I swear, I'm not lying." What if Jean already knew that Armin wasn't a good person by his standards?

" _Would you care if I... died today?_ " Wherever that question came from, it made Armin worry. "What kind of question is that?" He tried to laugh it off, hoping that Jean wasn't implying what he  _thought_  he was implying. " _Do you care about me? Honestly?_ " These weren't the kinds of questions Armin was expecting, let alone was able to handle. He didn't like where this was going, or why Jean felt the need to bring it up now if he was upset about Marco. "Jean I consider us friends, of course I care. Why are you bringing this kind of stuff up? Did I do something that upset you?" 

If there was a list of things that Armin did that could upset Jean, it would be pretty damn long and incredibly detailed. Suddenly the sniffling became louder in Armin's ear, and he heard a whine. Jean was crying again. What the hell did he say? " _Marco told me-e that if I died, no one would care e-except him. That you didn't ca-are at all. A-and no one has **e-ev-vver**  liked me or cared. I'm a terrible person A-Armin, so why-y does he even- why would  **you**  care if I wasn't here bothering either of you?_" What the fuck did Marco _do_?

There was a certain level of fucking up that you could do to a person, and Armin was pretty sure that Marco had done something that was pretty high up there. "What?! Jean, why would you believe that? I don't know about what you went through exactly as a kid but aren't I proof enough that not everyone dislikes you? I'm friends with you because I like  _you_. It has nothing to do with Marco, and I would definitely care if you died." Armin never was very good at comforting people that had thoughts of death. Because Armin was completely terrified of dying, he could never understand why anyone would really want to end their life.

 

His words seemed to have done something good, because Jean sounded almost pleasant when he spoke again. " _Really?_ " It was weird hearing Jean like this, all broken and desperate. What else had Marco said to him to make him cry so much? Armin wanted to know where Jean was, but he didn't know what he'd do with the information anyway. He wouldn't give it to Marco, that's for sure. "Yes, really. Can you tell me where you are now-" " _NO!_ " Jean was angry again.  _Oops?_  He didn't mean to push Jean, he was just... "I'm worried about you, okay? I'm sorry it's just that I don't want you to do anything stupid-" " _Stupid? Y-you think I'm stupid too?_ " This was going down-hill very fast.

"No Jean, no. I just don't want you to hurt yourself because Marco upset you. If you're not at a hotel or something I think you should at least go back home while Marco's working just to shower or take a nap. Okay? I won't even tell Marco I spoke to you." That was something he intended to keep his word to. If Marco knew that Jean was borderline suicidal, then he'd definitely panic and call the police and try to find him. Wherever Jean was, he obviously didn't want anyone to know. " _W-would he be better off without me?_ " Not this again... But if it was going to give Jean reassurance to not throw his life again, then Armin was prepared to take a guess. He really had no idea whether or not Marco would be better with or without Jean. "...No Jean. I think he'd be a mess without you. He already is a mess, actually. He wanted to know where you were today, and he thought I knew. Got into an argument, but he's just worried sick about you." 

 

That was a lie, kind of. Armin wanted to tell Jean how annoyed and pissed off he was at the way Marco was acting over Jean, but that wasn't going to help anybody. " _Oh... Okay.. Uh... Goodn-"_  Jean sneezed, and there was the sound of rustling paper and a groan before he continued. " _Sorry..._   _Goodnight Armin. I won't do anything stupid._ " Thank goodness. "You don't have to be sorry. Goodnight." As soon as he heard the line go dead, Armin got up angrily and shook his head. What did Marco do that had made Jean think like that? He went into the kitchen and grabbed two beers this time; he definitely needed one now.

Annie didn't even raise and eyebrow as Armin walked back into the living room. She had no idea what had happened, and she didn't seem to care that it had taken Armin so long to come back. Ahh, wonderful apathy. Annie could turn her feelings on and off like a light, it was wonderful and Armin wished he could do it too. "Mind if I have one of these? And can I get another cigarette?" Armin intended on drinking the beer no matter what Annie said. Annie shrugged, "Sure. You know you used to drink a lot more than you do now." Memories of when Armin turned twenty-one suddenly came crashing down on them both. "Yeah... alcohol poisoning scared me off of it a little." He had been twenty-one and his friends wanted him to take advantage of that. Which did indeed result in Armin being sent to the hospital. 

"Crazy times." Annie muttered as Armin sat next to her. She picked handed Armin a cigarette and lit it for him, then grabbed one of the beers and popped the cap off on the table edge. "I'm so tired of men." Armin sighed in relief after hew breathed out the first puff of smoke. Annie opened the second bottle and handed it to him, "You  _are_  a man." It made him laugh to hear the obvious. He should have been more specific and said he was tired of the annoying gay men that were driving him up a wall. "I know, it's so tragic." He gently tossed his phone onto the table and leaned back into the horribly uncomfortable couch. Maybe he could turn this bad day around if he ignored what had happened through out the day. No Marco accusing him of being a tramp, or Annie harassing Armin about his dreams, or Jean having a melt down over the phone. At least he could do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dropped another hint to something in this chapter but I guess you won't understand its significance for a while.  
> I promise I am not going to have Jean hurt himself, so don't think this story is taking a turn down death lane.  
> Please comment... please... I need motivation.


	14. It's About Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco finally cries his eyes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, yeah, I know, it's been like, months. Shoot me. I've just lost my motivation. I promise this story will be finished though. I refuse to let it be another one of those stories that never came to a conclusion and was abandoned. The title is literally a double joke and it's not even a funny joke, it's just a title that has two meanings. Maybe it's a "joke" you guys understand better than the last dozen I made throughout the story.  
> This chapter was not beta'd.

For hours, Marco had tried to reach Jean again on his cellphone. There was still no call back or a text message. Apparently, according to Jean's boss, Jean didn't show up for work either. It'd been over twenty-four hours, and Marco was tempted to call the police to report Jean as officially missing. He wanted to talk to Armin again to see if Jean had called, but after yesterday and how bad their conversation had gone he figured it probably wasn't the best idea. If Jean wasn't so stubborn and forgive Marco, or just come home, or do  _something_. The only thing Marco could really do was wait, since he couldn't just go looking for him. There were dozens of city buses, so Jean could be hours away if he wanted.  
  
Worrying wasn't going to make Jean come home, so Marco went through his day again as normally as he possibly could. Feeding the cats, showering, loading the dishwasher, making himself some coffee with the new coffee machine that Jean bought... There was no stopping himself from thinking about Jean no matter how hard he tried. Not even the reassuring thoughts he came up with in his mind about Jean being okay, and just needing some space like Armin said, Marco couldn't stop worrying. He would look at the front door and stare at the time often, hoping that Jean would walk in and say he was sorry for leaving. Just walking in at all would satisfy him. Jean could come back yelling and screaming, and it would be enough for Marco. At least Jean would be home and they could try to figure things out.  
  
By nine a.m., it was time to leave for work. Friday would fly by like it was nothing, and then maybe when he got home Jean would be waiting for him like always. Jean always forgave him, so it would happen again eventually, right? Marco had sent several texts and voice messages apologizing, and they must have been seen. Jean was probably just taking a break or something. Like the silent treatment on a different, more intense level. Of course Jean was okay, what was Marco worrying about? Jean would come back, and he'd be okay, and then everything could go back to normal with a little bit of patience.   
  
Then as if the world was giving him a break, he heard his phone beeping. It wasn't a call, but a text message was still good. The sound scared Teacup, and she ran under the bed after hissing at him. Even the cats were acting a little bit differently since yesterday. Another reminder that Marco was frantic and unhappy with his relationship with Jean, or lack thereof if things continued the way they did. But it wasn't Jean that sent him a text, it was Armin asking for a ride to work. He didn't feel like putting the effort into going to work himself, so he set his phone back down and ignored it.  
  
After a few minutes, he got another text. Again it was from Armin, but this time he had mentioned needing to talk about Jean. That certainly got Marco's attention, and he called instead of sending back a text. If Armin had something to say then he could say it over the phone, right? It rang twice before going to voice mail, which meant that Armin denied the call. Marco received another text from Armin, telling him to pick him up from Annie's and that they had to talk in person. What did Armin think he was doing? Sure, Marco hadn't been very nice yesterday, but neither had Armin. Now Armin wants to talk about Jean even when he told Marco to never talk about it again?   
  
Hopefully Armin wasn't lying just to get a ride to work. That wasn't something he thought Armin would do, but there was a first time for everything. Part of him wanted to know why Armin was at Annie's, but it seemed like a back burner concern. Even though their friendship was suffering because of the affair, he still did care about Armin. Just, not as much as he cared about Jean. Whatever it was that Armin felt like he needed to talk about with Marco about Jean, it was worth getting up and going to work for. Though it was upsetting that he'd have to go to  _Annie's_  house to get Armin. Knowing that there were people like Annie living in the same city as him was another reason why Marco worried for Jean being gone.   
  
It was bad that he had memorized the route to Annie's crappy apartment, and he wanted to forget it and the address and literally  _everything_  about Annie. She wasn't a good person, whether it involved drugs or prostitution or murder- what if  _Jean_  was dead? What if that's why Armin wanted to talk to him in person? Because Annie just so happened to stumble along Jean's dead corpse last night and told Armin about it? The thought made Marco sick, but he laughed it off. He was just overreacting because he was really tired, that's all. The whole idea of Jean being dead was a joke in itself.   
  
When he stopped his car on the opposite side of the street from Annie's apartment, Armin had opened Annie's door and walked towards the car. He didn't even say anything when he got in the car, he just stared out the window. "So... are you going to say anything?" There was no way Marco was going to start driving only to find out Armin didn't have anything to say. "Drive first. I'm still thinking about how to say it." He had to think about how to talk? Really? "You've had at least ten minutes to think about it Armin, just tell me whatever it is you have to say. Did you talk to Jean? Do you know where he is?" Marco desperately needed Armin to say yes. 

 

"Just start driving, okay?" Armin sighed and buckled his seat belt. That couldn't be good. "This better not be a joke." Marco half wished it  _was_  a joke, because he was still a bit paranoid that something was wrong. Something wrong besides what Marco already knew, that didn't have to do with their relationship. Jean never walked out on him like that before, and he knew it was his fault for being so harsh when they argued. But Jean wasn't really a sensitive person, so maybe Jean wasn't upset and he was just trying to make Marco feel more regret for what he'd said. That was a reasonable thing to assume, right? Armin was probably being so secretive because he's still annoyed about yesterday, not because he had something to say about Jean that was  _bad_. 

 

Armin pulled out his phone from his pocket and started to stare at it. Marco wanted to see what he was doing, but he couldn't just peel his eyes off the road. "Are you worried about him?" The question confused Marco, since he'd already made it pretty obvious that he was desperate to know if Jean was okay or not. "Of course I am! Are you going to tell me something-" "You  _should_  be." Marco didn't like the way Armin said that. Armin was supposed to say something along the lines of  _not_  having to worry. To  _not_  panic because everything would work out as long as Marco did this or that. That's the kind of stuff Armin used to tell him, anyway. Maybe he should have listened more then, but he just needed to hear someone say things would be okay. He never really thought Armin's advice would be useful, since without really knowing Jean, what help would his advice be?

  
Was something wrong or was Armin just messing around? From the way Armin was glaring at his phone, it probably wasn't the latter. "What's the worst thing you've ever said to him?" That was an easy question to answer. "I guess telling him I cheated on him was pretty bad..." Marco heard Armin groan but he didn't think it was about what he'd said. There was no reason for Armin to be upset about it. "What about Jean did you want to talk about?" He just wanted to know if Jean was okay or not. "Is he okay? Is he-" "He's pretty far from 'okay'. No thanks to you."  _What?_  "Is that supposed to mean something to me? Jean's not okay? What happened? How is it my fault?" He knew he had upset Jean and hurt his feelings but Armin stressing that made it sound worse.

"I don't think you..." Armin hesitated, closing his eyes and sighing. "Stop with all of the secrecy, Armin. For crying out loud just  _tell me_. This is Jean we're talking about, if you know where he is you have to tell me." Marco didn't want to be having this conversation in a moving car, since he couldn't make eye contact with Armin for more than a split second. "You're killing him." When he heard Armin say that, he almost slammed on the breaks. "Say that again?!" There was no way Armin was serious about that. What a joke. When did he get so dramatic and cruel? "The way you treat him? It's just... It's not doing him any favors, okay?" Going from death to mild discomfort in less than a minute, that's a new one. "The way I  _what?_  I may have upset him but I haven't done anything to compare to killing him! Jean's just mad about me cheating on him!" 

How could Armin try and accuse Marco of hurting Jean in that kind of way? "If you think Jean's the denser one between the two of you, you're wrong. You can be so blind sometimes." If Marco could have seen Armin, then he just might be a little freaked out. Armin wasn't normally wasn't so upset, and even then, it was usually just an act to get someone's attention. "I don't understand what you're talking about." It was too early and he was too tired to be dealing with Armin's ridiculous acting. It was nonsense. "Pull over." Armin unlocked his car door impatiently.  _Pull over?_  "Armin I can't just pull over when I'm in the middle of the lane-" "Marco, pull this car over  _right now_." 

Why was he so aggressive about this? Marco assumed that he had forgotten something and Armin was being too stubborn to remind him, but it didn't excuse the attitude. Cutting several people off and getting numerous people honking their horns, Marco had gotten the car to the side of the road and stopped. Armin got out of the car as if it had been on fire. Marco got out of the car much slower, like Armin should have instead of acting like a... There were no good metaphors for the way Armin was behaving. "What is your problem? Are you drunk or something? You call me saying you need to talk about Jean, and you're barely making any sense to me!"

Armin wiped his hands down his face and shook his head, "I am  _ **not**_  drunk!" And maybe pigs can fly, too. "My problem is that between the two of you I can't have some peace and quiet or a clear conscience! I like you as a friend Marco, even if you have been a complete  _asshole_  about Jean running off, but you need a wake up call." Wake up from what? There was nothing he could do to make things up to Jean other than what he'd already done. He knew he'd messed up, what else  _was there_  to worry about? "I'm not being a... I don't need to wake up from anything, Armin. I know that I've been arguing with Jean a lot because I cheated on him, but I can fix things if I could just go talk to Jean and make sure he's okay. Do you know anything or not?" He was not going to lose his temper with Armin over this. 

For whatever reason, Armin seemed genuinely upset, and Marco didn't want to make things worse. Jean was what mattered, and if Armin knew where he was then that's all Marco really wanted to get out of Armin. Any lectures or 'wake up calls' could wait until afterwards. "He  _called me_  last night whimpering like a kicked puppy going on about how worthless you made him feel! Do you get a kick out of knowing that Jean practically lives just for you?! Is it fun making him think that he'd be nothing without you? Did you think if you broke him down enough he'd just crumble to pieces in your arms and forgive you?" Armin was actually yelling at him, angrily, and stomping his feet on the ground. He just had to be drunk, shouting and unable to stand still like that.

Jean wouldn't call Armin and cry, that just wasn't something he'd do. "You've got to be joking. I never said he was nothing without me, and I didn't 'break' him at all! Why would Jean call  _you_? You're lying, I don't have time for this." He didn't want to hear any accusations about supposedly being a terrible person. "He said that because you think he's a cheating whore like  _you,_  that you'd be better off without him!" So then, maybe Armin hadn't been lying. Marco stopped and turned around, shocked and honestly offended. "Are you really going to call  _me_  that? Look at yourself, Armin, you're a lot worse than me. How much did Annie make you pay this time?" He gestured towards Armin's neck, where a few hickeys were plainly visible. Though Marco was upset, he was determined to stay as calm as possible on the outside. 

It took Armin by surprise, making him bring up the collar of his shirt to attempt hiding them better. "That's none of your business and it's got nothing to do with this... The point is that to Jean, you insulted him in the worst way possible. He would  _ **never**_  cheat on you, but you think he's just as ridiculous as you are about sex. And telling him no one would care if he was dead except  _you_? That  _I_  don't care at all about him? That I shouldn't like him because according to you, he's no better than me? You can say I'm a crappy person all you want, but you told Jean that  _I_  was better than him. How desperate were you for him to forgive you that you had to say that to him?" Marco wasn't believing what he was hearing. The noise from the cars on the road must have been playing tricks on him or something.

"I... I can't believe  _you_  are trying to make me look like the bad person here. I know I upset him but it's your fault too that I cheated and that's why we're even having problems at all." How many times did he have to acknowledge that he'd hurt his boyfriend's feelings? And he apologized countless times on the phone, there was nothing more Marco could do. Armin was blowing things out of proportion, but he kept on going anyway. "He cares more about what you said to him than the fact that you cheated! You told him that  _no one_  cared about him, accused him of being unfaithful to you, and that the person you cheated on him with was better than him! All you did was lie to him, and why? Did you think he'd blame himself for it all? Because he did! So yes, Marco, you are slowly  _killing him_ on the inside!"

No that wasn't... that was just an exaggeration. "Okay so I messed up, but stop acting like I'm hurting him that much! I wouldn't do that to him! I love him, I've known him for  _years_  and you think you know better about how he feels?" Marco raised his voice, but he was doing his best not to sound angry. "There are some things you just don't tell the people you're closest too. I'm Jean's friend you know, or at least I tried to, and he trusts me. We've talked a lot, and just because I haven't known him for as long as you have doesn't mean I don't understand simple things like crying and..." Armin stopped, thinking about the depressing things Jean had asked him over the phone. "If I hadn't been on the phone with him last night and I couldn't tell him how much of a liar you are, I don't even know if he'd still  _be here_."

That was another thing that Marco didn't like the sound of. "What do you mean 'be here'?" Armin breathed through his nose and pulled on his hair, "You are so  _fucking_  stupid! Why don't you  _get it_?! He wanted to  _die_  so that you'd be happy because he thought that you shouldn't be in love with someone that you thought was so shitty compared to who you cheated on him with! He'd literally do  _anything_  to make  _you_  happy! You make him sound like he's such a bad person and he's so hard to deal with when he's  _not_! He doesn't care about anyone else but  _you_  why can't you understand that when it's so obvious? As long as  _you're_  happy he won't care about himself as much, is that what you wanted?" There was no way that any of it was true, right? Marco couldn't even begin to think about Jean wanting to hurt himself. But all he could do was stand  in front of his car and listen as his brain tried to make sense of the things that were being said.

"He obviously needs someone else besides you- you know,  _friends_ , but he doesn't want anything but  _you_  to be happy... And when you tell him the truth," Armin hesitated again, "He won't have me anymore to talk to about the stuff he can't say to you. Who else is he going to talk to? What if he just thinks anyone that likes him at all is just lying trash? Why'd you have to do this, Marco? You screwed things up with Jean, and I really wanted to ignore everything, but now what? What am I supposed to feel now that you told him that he was worse than me? Now that he's cried over the phone to me and asked me why I should care about him?" It was easier to see how stressed out he was, now that he wasn't just shouting angrily.

  
"It's not  _my_  fault that you decided to be cruel, but how can I not feel bad when you're going to tell him the truth and he's going to hate me and probably never talk to anyone else bedsides you again? I promised I wouldn't tell him I talked to you, and now this is just another thing I've tried to do to help that he's just going to hate me for. He should hate what  _you_  did to him, but you know what? He won't, not as much as what I did. He'll  _always_  love you, until you push him off the deep end again, and he'll hate me too much to ask for help. Congratulations, you have a boyfriend that's obsessive and suicidal- but who cares? At least he would never cheat on you, I hope you're  _happy_." It was insulting and ridiculous, but Marco knew that within the exaggeration of Armin's possibly-drunk ranting, there was some truth.

  
Marco leaned on his car and stared forward at nothing as he thought about what Armin said.  _Obsessive and suicidal?_  It was hard to accept that he had brought Jean to that kind of mental state, but if it were even the slightest bit true it couldn't be all Marco's fault, could it? "I wouldn't hurt him like that... I love him. I'll just... I'll fix things. Do you know where he is?" Marco turned his gaze to Armin, though he was upset and felt a bit betrayed that Jean had confided in someone else. Of course, he couldn't talk about betrayal when Jean wasn't the one that was cheating.

Armin shrugged his shoulders lightly, "I  _don't_  know, but I hope for his sake you don't find out. He yelled at me for asking, maybe he didn't trust me not to tell you. But he obviously  _doesn't_  want to talk to you." Then he started to walk away in the direction they had already been headed while they were still in the car and Marco had been a lot less stressed out. Out of the blue, Armin turned back around, "You should feel ashamed for making me ever feel sorry for you." of course, as if that was the only thing Marco had to feel bad about. All of the guilt was weighing down on him more and more with each second, and there was a physical pain in his chest. Without even thinking of asking how Armin was going to get to work, Marco stumbled back into his car.

Driving to work seemed pointless now, but what else was he supposed to do? Go home and sulk? Though there was a chance that he'd see Armin at work, and he didn't want that. But going home would just remind him too much of all of the fights he had with Jean. Why did everything have to fall apart like this? He never wanted to make Jean so upset, ever. Maybe if he hadn't been so careless about what exactly he had said when they argued, then Jean wouldn't be thinking any depressing thoughts. Then again, he'd need to actually speak to Jean to find out if that part was even true. 

If Jean did talk to Armin over the phone crying, then he could have said things he didn't really mean. But it didn't really matter anymore. Marco had messed up and he  _hurt_  Jean badly enough that Jean couldn't talk to him about how he was feeling. When he found a parking space, Marco couldn't force himself to get out of the car. There was too much guilt about the situation for him to even move. He needed time to calm down, to relax and put all of the thoughts away. Until Jean talked to him, there was nothing he could change anyway. So he'd have to deal with the pain until then. He was sure that what he was feeling wasn't nearly as awful as Jean must have felt, but it was enough to make Marco lean back in his seat and break down crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got no excuse for this one. I had a lot of trouble with it. And yes, Armin is supposed to be intoxicated in this chapter, but not drunk. Just, tipsy? Blondie needed to relax a little, okay? No slurring and falling over himself.  
> Oh and guys, I don't know if I've been making it clear enough, you're _not_ supposed to hate Marco. You're not supposed to hate Armin. You're not supposed to hate Jean. You are not supposed to hate _anyone_ in this story. It's just a bunch of people making shitty mistakes when it comes to the messy things in life. Romance and sex being the main thing here.
> 
> You're not supposed to hate Marco for cheating even though cheating is wrong and you should never do it.  
> You're not supposed to hate Armin for getting Marco to cheat, wanting to screw Jean, and being an overall whore in denial.  
> You're not supposed to hate Jean for being unreasonable and argumentative, and a bit of a drama queen.  
> You're not even supposed to hate Annie for getting Armin involved in criminal acts and encouraging Armin to sleep around.
> 
> You're not supposed to hate anybody at all, that's not what I'm trying to do here. If you legit hate anyone in the story, that's fine, but I'm not writing them out to specifically be hated.


End file.
